


Those Meddling Kids

by impalagirl, wilddragonflying



Series: Roleplays [60]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, Cuddling, F/M, Fluff, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Little bit of sex, M/M, Marauders' Era, Meddling James and Lily, Meddling Sirius and Remus, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Pining, Slightly AU because of Remus, Trans Male Character, Trans Remus Lupin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-30 06:05:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 45,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12102387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impalagirl/pseuds/impalagirl, https://archiveofourown.org/users/wilddragonflying/pseuds/wilddragonflying
Summary: "I'm so bored," Sirius complains, for the fifth time in the last ten minutes. He's lounging on a sofa in the Gryffindor common room, his feet in Remus' lap and his head lolling over the arm so that when he peers over towards the far corner of the room, James and Evans are upside down. "Why doesn't she just hex him and get it over with? Lecturing him like that has never worked before."Remus glances up at where Lily's been yelling at James for - going on ten minutes now, it looks like. "Hexing him hasn't worked either," he points out mildly before turning back to his book."Makes him shut up faster," Peter argues. He's sitting on the floor, cross-legged, and frowning hard in concentration. In front of him, the small carriage clock Professor Flitwick gave him refuses once again to turn blue.





	Those Meddling Kids

**Author's Note:**

> Alright! So this was the... technically second wolfstar plot that impalagirl and I did, and the first one we finished. I'd like to use this space for an obligatory trans character warning: This is only one way to be trans, and should by no stretch of the imagination be taken as the norm.
> 
> That being said! If you are trans and find something that I've done(me, wilddragonflying, because I'm the one who wrote Remus for this plot) offensively, please please PLEASE drop a comment and let me know! If at all possible, I'll talk with impalagirl and we'll see if we can't find some way to edit it out/correct it.

"I'm so bored," Sirius complains, for the fifth time in the last ten minutes. He's lounging on a sofa in the Gryffindor common room, his feet in Remus' lap and his head lolling over the arm so that when he peers over towards the far corner of the room, James and Evans are upside down. "Why doesn't she just hex him and get it over with? Lecturing him like that has never worked before."

Remus glances up at where Lily's been yelling at James for - going on ten minutes now, it looks like. "Hexing him hasn't worked either," he points out mildly before turning back to his book. 

"Makes him shut up faster," Peter argues. He's sitting on the floor, cross-legged, and frowning hard in concentration. In front of him, the small carriage clock Professor Flitwick gave him refuses once again to turn blue. "At least for a bit."

"You know," Sirius says thoughtfully, flexing his toes against Remus' arm. "I think she secretly wants to snog him."

Remus smacks his foot with the corner of his book in retaliation. "Maybe if he'd quit being such a prat."

"Ow!" Sirius whines. "That hurt, Lupin, shit!"

"Well then keep your toes off my arm, _Black,_ " Remus answers without looking up. 

"Rude." Sirius sighs dramatically and rolls his eyes back to look at James and Evans again. She's still telling him off, but has now lowered her voice to a menacing hiss. They can't hear her from the couch, but if James' wide eyes are any indication she's threatening to hex his balls off. "We need to do something about this."

"Remind me, how many times have we tried to talk Prongs into giving up?" Remus asks dryly, turning a page. "Lily never starts anything, either. It's all him."

"Then maybe what we _should_ be doing," Sirius suggests, "is persuading Evans to give him a chance."

Remus looks at Sirius with a raised eyebrow. "There's a better chance of hell freezing over. Believe me; who do you think she complains about him to the most?"

"Oh yeah," Sirius says dolefully. "I forgot you two are like that." He crosses his fingers and holds them up for Remus to see. "Isn't that like sleeping with the enemy or something? Don't you at least owe it to Prongs to put in a good word for him?"

The eyebrow climbs higher. "What good word? I can talk about his good qualities until I'm blue in the face, but she doesn't believe me because James acts like a tosser every time he gets in the same room as her."

"Okay," Peter says. "So we have to put in a good word with Lily, and make sure James isn't a tosser when she speaks to him after."

"Easy!" Sirius agrees. "Right?"

"Except for the second part," Remus snorts, then winces. "She's got her wand out."

"Oh, for Merlin's sake," Sirius huffs, getting to his feet. "Oi! Evans!" He reaches the quarrelling pair in a few long strides, and grabs James by the collar of his robes. "My friend here is an absolute tosser. I mean, a complete and total wanker of epic proportions. Whatever he's done to piss you off this time, I know he probably deserves you hexing him into next week, but he's really sorry, honestly he is, even if he won't--" He gives James a rough shake, "--admit it, and all he's going to do after you've hexed him is keep us up all night crying about it. Remus has to make up that Potions test tomorrow, since he missed it last week. So do him, and yourself, a favour, and let me remove him forcibly from your presence."

Lily transfers her glare from James to Sirius, and after a tense moment, stuffs her wand back in her robes. "Fine," she huffs. "But if he comes near me again tonight he's going to bed missing a few vital parts."

James starts to protest, but Sirius just hauls him away from Evans and towards the staircase. "Knock it off, dipstick," he sighs. "Go to bed before you cause any more trouble."

James goes, grumbling the whole way, and Remus can't help a fond smile even as he shakes his head in exasperation. "It's gonna be a lot of work if we actually want to get them together," he murmurs, coming up beside Sirius with Peter in tow. 

"We can do it, though," Sirius says confidently. "What can't we do?"

Remus groans. "Don't tempt fate, Sirius."

Sirius laughs. "Come on," he says. "We should make sure he's not hanging himself with his tie."

* * *

James is not, in fact, hanging himself with his tie, though he is moping mightily and refusing to look in Sirius's direction, and Remus doesn't resist the urge to roll his eyes; honestly, they're supposed to be nearly adults by now, and James is _still_ acting like a child. _That's something we'll have to take care of,_ Remus thinks as he gets ready for bed. His usual charms have almost worn off, and he changes hastily into his nightshirt before they expire. Remus waits until all the lights are off and he can hear Peter snoring in his bed before he slides out of his bed and climbs into Sirius's, pulling the curtains shut and casting a Silencing charm. "We need to plan," he says firmly, giving Sirius's leg a smack when the other teenager just grumbles. "C'mon, we need to be ready to start tomorrow if we want to have a hope of getting them together before the end of the year."

"You were dead against it before," Sirius points out. "Said James didn't stand a chance because he's such an arse. How do you propose we fix that?"

"They could be good together," Remus retorts. "But we have to deflate James's head a bit first. And also get him to quit pursuing her so relentlessly."

"And do you have a genius plan for how we're supposed to do either of those things?"

"The pursuing bit might be easier," Remus muses. "We'll have to keep distracting him every time he tries to talk to her."

"And deflating his head?" Sirius asks. "I doubt sticking a pin in him will do any good."

"Well it's one of the things we haven't tried," Remus laughs. "Honestly I'm not entirely certain how to do that, besides maybe giving him a big dose of reality... I might have to tell him some of the things Lily's told me."

"Yeah?" Sirius asks, perking up. "Like what?"

"The only good things she's said about him are when he actually bothered to comb his hair that once before Christmas - though trying to catch her under the mistletoe canceled that out - and when he's taken on some bully or other," Remus says dryly. "I was thinking more of confirming what she usually shouts at him."

"What, and emotionally beat him into submission?" Sirius asks. "That might actually work."

Remus shrugs. "I was aiming for letting him know that yes, she really does think he's that much of a prat, but emotional beating works too."

"You don't think him finally realising that won't require some emotional abuse?" Sirius laughs. "He'll probably cry. I think he genuinely thinks she's as infatuated as he is, or that she will be once she opens her eyes."

Remus sighs. "Yeah, not looking forward to making him cry, but if he wants an actual shot at going on at least one date with her, it's necessary."

"You're such a softie, Moony," Sirius says, with deep affection. "He'll get over it. Maybe he'll also stop being such a twat. Everyone wins."

Remus rolls his eyes at Sirius's first comment. "Maybe," he says in response to the second. "Would be nice."

"So is that settled, then?" Sirius asks. "We tell James at breakfast that Evans really does think he's a tosser and go from there?"

Remus nods. "The sooner we get started, the better chance he has," he agrees. 

"All right," Sirius agrees. "I'm up for it." He grins at Remus through the darkness. "Was there anything else?"

"Yeah, you forgot my goodnight kiss," Remus deadpan. "I'm _extremely_ hurt."

"Sorry," Sirius says, with a dramatic flip of his hair that loses something for how it flares around the collar of his pyjama shirt. "I'm not that kind of girl. I expect at least a candlelit dinner before you get a goodnight kiss."

Remus can't help the exaggerated pout he puts on. "And here I climbed into your bed and everything," he sighs, then smirks. "Guess I'll just have to go back to my own, then."

"Suppose you will," Sirius agrees, with a coy flutter of his eyelashes. "Better luck next time, Moony."

Remus rolls his eyes, giving Sirius's shoulder a shove as he slides to edge of the bed. "Go to sleep, Padfoot."

Sirius flops down onto his pillows with a sigh. "I'll dream of you," he vows, and it isn't even a lie.

Remus rolls his eyes, but he can't hide the fondness in his voice. "Just go to sleep, you git."

* * *

As usual, Remus is the last of the four down to breakfast in the morning, but Sirius just shifts along the bench a bit so that he can sit down and forks the bacon he's saved onto Remus' plate by way of a greeting. Peter mumbles a good morning around a mouthful of toast, but James ignores them all; in fact, he's currently halfway out of his seat, his eyes on Evans.

Sirius exchanges a meaningful glance with Remus and clears his throat. "Don't even think about it, Prongs. Stay here."

"We need to talk to you," Remus adds when it looks like James's just going to ignore them. 

"What about?" James asks, his attention caught. "Is everything all right?"

Remus doesn't bother pulling his punches. "Lily thinks you're a git, Prongs," he says bluntly. "And I don't mean just thinks that when she's exasperated with you, I mean _really, truly_ thinks you're an arse with few redeeming qualities."

James blinks. "But-- but that's ridiculous."

"'Fraid not, mate," Sirius says with a sympathetic smile. "It's kind of true."

"What!"

"Look, mate, she complains to me about you _all the time._ I can count on two hands the number of times she's said anything nice about you, and it's never been about anything you've said or done to her."

"But I'm _delightful!_ " James complains.

"We know that," Sirius assures him, "but you haven't exactly done much to prove that to her, have you?"

"You haven't," Peter answers for him while Remus nods. 

"The only thing you've managed to do over the past six years is convince Lily that dating you would be a horrible decision and experience."

"You're not kidding, are you?" James asks, and then groans when the others just shake their heads. "So what am I supposed to do?!"

"Back off?" Peter suggests. "And maybe work on disproving her impression of you so far."

"Whatever," James huffs, grabbing his book bag and getting to his feet. "I'm going to Charms."

"But lessons don't start for another twenty minutes," Sirius protests - but James is already gone.

Remus puts his hand on Sirius's shoulder. "I'll go after him," he says quietly. "Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

Sirius snorts. "Good luck with that."

Remus follows James down the halls until James ducks into an empty classroom; he knocks before entering, and doesn't say anything for several long moments while James breathes heavily. "I don't think it's hopeless," is what Remus starts with. "You do have some redeeming qualities, and Lily knows it."

"I don't want to talk about it," James insists. "You should go back to breakfast; Padfoot saved you all that bacon."

"This is more important than bacon," Remus says dismissively. 

James raises an eyebrow. "It's not about the bacon."

"Still," Remus insists. "You're my friend, and we weren't exactly tactful. But you needed to hear that."

James hesitates, sullen, but then he asks, "Is it true?"

"Yeah." Remus moves so he's sitting on the desk, patting the space next to him. "She knows you do have some good qualities, but so long as she doesn't see them herself, she's not really willing to give you the time of day. She has admitted you're not bad-looking, when you're not royally pissing her off."

"She thinks I'm good looking?" James asks, perking up. "Did she really say that?"

Remus nods. "She did. There's hope, mate, but you need to be less of an idiot around her."

"Well how am I supposed to do that?" James asks, exasperated. "That's just me!"

"Well that's what you've got us for," Remus reasons. "We'll help you get used to being nice. To most people."

James huffs, looks down. "I do really like her, you know," he says.

"I know," Remus says consolingly, putting his arm around James's shoulders. "I'd have told you to bugger off a long time ago if you didn't."

James leans into Remus briefly before sliding off the desk. "I'll think about it, okay?" he says. "I don't want her to hate me. But now we really are going to be late for Charms."

Remus grins. "Yeah, all right. A sickle says I can make it before you." With that, he takes off, leaving James in his dust. 

* * *

James seems to be sticking to his word to think about what Remus and the other Marauders said at breakfast, because he doesn't approach Lily once that day, despite having several opportunities. Remus can see Lily getting more and more suspicious as the day goes by; usually when James doesn't try to flirt with her at least once, it's because he's been saving up for some grand display that evening. So he's really not surprised when, on the way back to the common room after dinner, Lily grabs him by the arm and drags him into a secluded alcove. "Took you long enough," he says, amusement clear in his voice. "I think James, Sirius, and I all have bald spots where you've been staring holes in our heads."

"What's going on?" Lily asks, her voice low and urgent. "What is he planning, Remus? I know you're his friend first, but the least you can do is give me some warning."

"He's not planning anything," Remus reassures her. "He's been thinking - not just about you, but about some things we said to him this morning."

Lily's eyes narrow. "What things?"

"That you really, truly think he's a moron," Remus says. "And a wanker. And all the other names you've called him to his face and mine."

"You mean he doesn't already know that?" Lily asks. "He must be even more dense than I thought."

"I think he thought you only thought that when he was annoying you," Remus confesses. "Either way, he's been thinking about it all day; he's not planning some grand display of affection or whatever."

"Well," Lily says, reluctantly impressed. "Good. Tell him to keep it up."

Remus grins. "We will. Fair warning, he may go back to some of his old behavior, but we'll try to keep a tighter leash on him." _Or a halter,_ Remus thinks, laughing to himself.

"Thank you," Lily says, reaching out to touch Remus' sleeve. "I'll see you later, okay?"

Remus mirrors the touch, giving Lily a smile. "All right. We'd better get going before we start those rumors from third year up again."

Lily groans, smacking his shoulder with the back of her hand. "That was _your_ fault, and you know it."

Remus just laughs.

* * *

Remus isn't entirely surprised when Sirius jumps onto his bed less than five minutes after Remus told the others he was going to get an early night; sometimes Remus wonders if his friends didn't mess up something in the process of becoming Animagi, because Sirius has become so much like Padfoot even in his human form it's alternately off-putting and hysterical. "Can I help you?" he asks, arching an eyebrow as he looks at Sirius over the top of his book.

"I saw Evans dragging you off into a dark and mysterious corner after dinner," Sirius says, once a silencing charm has been cast. "Did she just fancy a quick snog or did she have something interesting to say?"

"She wanted to continue our torrid love affair from third year," Remus says flatly. "That's why she's never said yes to James."

"Knew it," Sirius says, sighing. "Prongs will be so hurt."

"Absolutely heartbroken," Remus agrees; he can only hold his serious expression for a moment before it breaks, and he laughs. "Seriously, though, she wanted to know if he was planning some grand display. Almost didn't believe me when I told her the truth."

"You told her the _truth?_ " Sirius snaps, leaning over to shove Remus' shoulder. "You idiot!"

Remus retaliates with a shove of his own, glaring at Sirius. "Of course I didn't," he snaps back. "Not the whole truth, anyway. Just what happened this morning to make him so distant and quiet today."

"Oh," Sirius says. "Okay then. What did she say?"

"Not much," Remus admits. "Thought it was a nice reprieve, told me to tell him to keep it up. Was also astonished he didn't realize she actually has such a low opinion of him."

"Well we're all that," Sirius says dryly. "So what do we think is going on with Prongs?"

Remus sighs. "He's not just going to give up on pursuing her, not right away," he says, a bit reluctantly. "But I think we can still keep him from being as... obnoxious about it as before."

"Let's hope," Sirius says, a wry twist to his mouth. "Otherwise we stand no chance."

Remus groans, letting himself fall back against his pillows. "Why did we decide to do this again?" he grumbles. "I'm not entirely certain James is capable of changing enough to impress Lily in less than a year."

"I suppose it depends on how much he actually loves her," Sirius says, in a rare moment of thoughtfulness, his gaze unreadable when it meets Remus'. "If he doesn't love her enough to pull his head out of his arse, they're better off without each other."

Remus sighs. "You're right," he says, clearly thinking hard. "So I guess that's our next step. How serious is he about her?"

"How do we even find that out?" Sirius asks. "He's been declaring undying love and devotion for her since first year; I don't think he knows how to say anything else."

Remus drums his fingers against the bedspread as he thinks. "You've got a point. So we can't exactly trust what he says. What about his actions?"

"The obsessing and harassment reeks of infatuation," Sirius says wisely. "At least, that's what I heard Marlene McKinnon telling Evans last year. But, maybe what happened today is a clue?"

"Maybe," Remus says doubtfully. "But he'll need to keep it up if he wants to really make an impression."

"Obviously," Sirius says, shifting on the bed until he's more comfortable. "It's not enough to prove anything to Evans yet. But if it was just a meaningless obsession, would he have backed off today after we told him the truth?"

"Maybe not," Remus concedes. "But he still needs to keep it up for a while before he tries anything else. We'll have to make sure if he is serious then he doesn't go back to the way he was doing things."

"As long as he's behaving, though, I'd leave it a day or so before bringing it up again," Sirius offers. "We don't want him to suss us out."

Remus laughs. "Yeah, pretty sure he'd hex us into the next century if he found out."

"He'll thank us one day," Sirius says loftily. "Anyway, I suppose I'd best leave you to it. You wanted an early night."

"I only said that so James wouldn't get the idea to bug me about what Lily wanted to talk about," Remus laughs. "I was just going to sit here and read for a bit. You're welcome to stay."

"Oh," Sirius says, surprised, but pleasantly so. "Okay. What are you reading?"

Remus picks his book back up. "It's a Muggle book I picked up. _Demon Seed_ by this Muggle named Dean Koontz. Came out a few years ago, is supposed to be pretty good. He's got a few other books out as well."

Sirius hums, interested, and flops onto the bed so that he can use Remus' bony shins as a pillow. "Read to me."

Remus grunts when Sirius's head lands on his shins, but complies. "All right. I'm not starting over for you, though."

"Fine," Sirius says, unbothered. "I'm a bright boy, I'll pick it up."

* * *

Miraculously, James keeps his distance from Evans for the rest of the week. He's more subdued than usual as well, quieter and less exuberant, especially when Evans is around. Sirius knows that this is what they wanted, but by the time Saturday rolls around he's bored out of his mind. Remus is good company as always, and Peter's fine as well, but he's lost without James' usual fire, his ability to make Sirius laugh until he cries with only a well-timed look - and, of course, his ability to plan and execute a truly outrageous prank in under thirty minutes. It's because of this that, when they walk past a certain unwashed Slytherin in the Great Hall on the way back from James' quidditch practice, Sirius can't keep his mouth shut.

"Hey Potter," he drawls casually. "Did you see old Snivellus' face just then? Like he had a particular nasty smell right under that great beak of his. Do you think he can finally smell his own hair?"

"Fuck you, Black," Snape spits, and Sirius turns around with a laugh to face him. "If anything smells bad around here, it's that _freak_ you call a friend!"

Sirius has his wand drawn in a flash. "What did you say?"

James has his wand out too, but Peter's already grabbed his arm while Remus takes Sirius's. "Bugger off, Snape," he snaps. "Sirius, put your damn wand away."

"Did you hear what he said about you?" Sirius hisses, incredulous.

"You knew I was talking about Lupin, though, didn't you?" Snape sneers.

Sirius brandishes his wand, sparks spitting threateningly from the end. "Keep talking, Snivellus. I'll hex your bollocks off, see if I won't."

"Not if I do it first," James says hotly, shaking Peter off of his arm and stepping up beside Sirius. 

"Yes, I heard," Remus says, shoving against Sirius's chest, "but I don't need you jumping to my defense, Sirius, _because I don't care what he says_ about me. But I do care about you getting in trouble for stooping to his level, so knock. It. _Off._ "

Sirius holds firm, still furious, but when he looks up into Remus' eyes, he falters. "Fine," he snaps, stuffing his wand back into his robes. "Come on, Potter, Remus is right. He's not worth it." He grabs Remus' arm and turns them both around, hell-bent on storming back to the Tower, but Snape's cold voice calls after them.

"That's it, Black, walk away! Listen to your _girl_ friend!"

Remus freezes, time slowing in that way it does when one knows that something bad is going to happen but is unable to stop it. He turns in time to see James's expression morph into something beyond furious as he shouts, " _Redactum skullus!_ "

A red spark flies from the tip of James's wand, smacking squarely into the middle of Snape's forehead, and then there's a sound like someone letting the air out of a balloon, and Snape's head and neck begin to shrink, his outraged shrieking turning into something from a Muggle cartoon, high-pitched and furious. The shrinking doesn't stop until his head is the size of an apple, and Remus can't help the way he stares, horrified. 

"Merlin," Sirius breathes, almost awed, but then, "Shit! We need to get out of here."

James, apparently having realized just how much trouble he could get into, agrees. "Run!"

* * *

"All right," Evans says, approaching Sirius and James willingly for perhaps the first time in their lives. She doesn't look happy. "What have you done this time?"

"Don't quite know what you mean," Sirius says.

"Codswallop," Evans says. "You two look terribly guilty, poor Pettigrew looks terrified - no offence, Pettigrew - and Remus wouldn't look at any of you before he stormed off upstairs. So I'll ask again. What have you done this time?"

James shares a glance with Sirius before he admits, "I hexed Snape. Shrunk his head."

"Oh," Lily says, a strange look on her face. "May I ask why?"

James frowns, his eyebrows nearly touching as he mutters, "He called Remus Sirius's girlfriend."

"What," Lily says, her eyes wide. "Oh my god. That boy can be such... such an _arse_ sometimes!"

"Wow, Evans," Sirius chortles. "I've never heard you speak like that about Saint Snivellus."

"Sniv--" Lily cuts herself off, blushing furiously. " _Severus Snape_ is a lot of things, Black, but he is not a saint. You and Potter are closer to canonisation than he is, and that's saying something."

James can't help the twitch of his lips. "To be fair, Sirius did start it, and Remus tried to stop it. They were walking away when he called Remus that. I couldn't let him get away with insulting my best mates."

"Well," Lily says, with a deep breath. "I think maybe this time he deserved it." She looks at Sirius. "You'd best get after him, Black. Make sure he's all right."

Sirius blinks. "Me?"

"Yes, you."

"Remus does like you best," Peter agrees. 

"He might even like you more than he likes Lily," James says thoughtfully, with a wink tossed Lily's way out of habit. 

Lily rolls her eyes. "Put a sock in it, Potter," she says, as Sirius heads for the stairwell. "And stop hexing people in public, unless you want to lose that Head Boy badge."

James laughs. "Worth a shot," he says with an easy grin. 

Sirius leaves them behind to bicker, and heads upstairs to the dormitory. Once there, he even knocks before opening the door, and isn't surprised to see the curtains around Remus' bed drawn. "Err," Sirius starts, feeling awkward. "You all right, Moony?"

"What do you think?" is the short, waspish answer. 

"Oh, don't be like that," Sirius complains. "You know Snivellus is a git."

"If you're not going to be helpful, then you can go fuck yourself," comes Remus's reply. 

Sirius falters, stung. "I want to help," he says. "Tell me how."

Quiet falls over the dorm room for several moments, and then one of the curtains twitches back, enough to reveal Remus, laying on his stomach on top of the duvet. "Just... Come over here and shut up," he mutters; without the curtain muffling his voice, it's hoarse, like he's either been choking back emotion or venting it by screaming into a pillow. 

Sirius does as he's told, approaching Remus' bed slowly, with caution. He's not sure what he's supposed to do once he's there, though, and Remus told him to be quiet, so he just hovers uncertainly, awaiting instruction.

Remus sighs, patting the space next to him. "I'm sorry for snapping at you. Come sit down."

Sirius does, perching neatly on the edge of the bed, and after a moment he raises a hand, places it gently on Remus' back between his shoulder blades. "I'm really sorry, Moony," he says. "We didn't mean to upset you.

Remus sighs. "I know you didn't. And it wasn't you, really. It was Snape. There's only so much I can tolerate."

"That's why we got so angry," Sirius says, speaking for James as well as himself with confidence. "You don't deserve the way he treats you."

"I know," Remus sighs, arching his back into Sirius's touch just a little. "Usually I can ignore him, though. I suppose I'm a bit frustrated with myself, too."

"What is it?" Sirius asks. "Is it because he called you a freak? Or-- or my..." He trails off, a sour taste in his mouth. "It doesn't mean anything. None of us think you're queer, least of all me."

Remus wants to laugh, or maybe cry, but he manages to do neither. "It's... complicated," he sighs. "Bit of everything he said."

"Well it was all bollocks," Sirius says, with conviction. "No one believes a word of it - him included, unless he's completely without sense, which wouldn't surprise me."

Remus chews on his lip before admitting, "I think he does believe it."

"It doesn't matter," Sirius insists. "Snape's opinion isn't worth a single knut. No one _important_ believes it."

Remus sighs again - he's been doing that a lot since their encounter with Snape - and scoots over until he can lay his head on Sirius's lap, wrapping his arms around the other's waist. "Thanks," he mutters. "Makes me feel a little better."

Sirius freezes, but forces himself to relax by degrees, and even holds Remus as best he can in return. "You've always got us," he tells Remus, and he's grateful that James isn't here to hear the alarmingly girly levels of emotion in his voice. "You've _always_ got me."

This time when Remus sighs, it's one of relief. "Thank you," he murmurs. 

"You look knackered," Sirius says softly, running his fingers through Remus' tawny hair on a whim. "Why don't you get into bed?"

Remus hums happily, giving his head a little shake. "Comfortable here," he yawns. 

"Well I won't be if you fall asleep on me," Sirius says with a light chuckle. "Come on. I-- I'll stay, if you want me to."

Remus considers the offer for a moment before he nods, pushing himself up off of Sirius's lap. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"All right," Sirius says, quite unsure as to why he's speaking so softly. "Er. Do you want to change?"

Remus hesitates, then nods. He really shouldn't go to sleep without changing. "I'll be right back," he says, slipping off of the bed on the other side and using the curtain to keep himself out of Sirius's view for the short time it takes him to change out. 

Sirius isn't surprised - six years of rooming together and they're all well-acquainted with Remus' modesty - and takes the opportunity to change himself. He's ready before Remus is, his robes in an untidy heap on the end of his own bed, and he gives Remus a soft smile when he emerges from behind the curtain. "How do you want me?" he asks, trying for light but falling somewhat short. This moment feels too weighted for jokes.

Remus considers Sirius and the bed for a moment, then gestures with a hand. "Lie down, on your back," he orders. 

Sirius does as he's told, hoping as he slides beneath the covers that he's not being too presumptuous.

Remus doesn't do anything but smile, however, joining Sirius under the blankets quickly. "Do you mind if I--" He drifts off, suddenly too shy to ask for cuddles. 

Sirius smiles, cottoning on, and opens his arms. "Come here."

Relieved that he doesn't have to actually say anything, Remus does as bid, settling himself against Sirius's chest so that he can rest his head on Sirius's chest. "Thanks," he murmurs. 

Sirius wraps his arms around Remus, gives him a little squeeze. "You're welcome."

* * *

Remus wakes up feeling like he's been shoved into a kiln; he's actually _sweating_ and it appears to be because Sirius is clinging like a limpet to him. It's nice, Remus has to admit - until he settles back against Sirius and the other boy's grip shifts so that his hand is splayed across the side of Remus's chest. 

The side of Remus's chest, which has no protection, either magical or physical, keeping it from giving easily beneath Sirius's touch, more easily that it should. Remus freezes, mind blanking even as he tries to figure out how to get away from Sirius without waking the other up. He wants to stay in Sirius's embrace more than he can say, but he is in no way ready to do that first thing in the morning before he's got his safeguards up. 

As if sensing his panic, Sirius sighs into Remus' hair, and rubs at Remus' side a little. "Stop thinkin' so loud," he mumbles. "Go back t'sleep."

It's not that easy for Remus to relax, but he tries - and fails. "I gotta - loo," he mutters, extricating himself from Sirius's arms and slipping out of the bed. 

Sirius is a bit more awake when Remus gets back, and he gives him a sleepy smile. "Hi," he says. "Did we, err, mean to sleep all night?"

"Not exactly," Remus answers as he settles back into bed. "I don't mind, though. Do you?"

"Then come on," Sirius says, opening up in invitation. "I'm cold."

Remus chuckles, scooting closer. "Don't know how; you're the one putting off so much heat."

"Are you complaining?" Sirius asks, getting his arms around Remus once more. "Go back to sleep."

Remus allows himself a small smile, hidden against Sirius's chest. "Only if you do, too."

* * *

Remus retreats to the library that afternoon; James and Sirius have been sending him apologetic looks all day, and James had even made a special trip to the kitchens to get Remus an extra helping of his favorite dessert after lunch. It's more smothering than reassuring, so Remus had seized the excuse of Transfiguration homework to flee the common room. 

When he hears footsteps approaching, Remus almost doesn't manage to smother his groan - but when he sees Lily instead of any of the other Marauders, the groan turns into one of relief. "Oh thank God. You can sit," he says with a smile, clearing some space for Lily at the table. 

"Gracious of you," Lily says, smiling, as she takes the offered seat. "Are you okay?"

"Better than I was last night," Remus answers. 

"I heard about what Severus said," Lily says quietly. "I'm sure he didn't mean anything about it."

"I'm not so sure," Remus admits quietly. "You know what happened with the Willow. What if he - "

"So what if he did?" Lily asks sharply. "He clearly isn't going to say anything; he probably can't, if Professor Dumbledore has anything to do with it. And the others didn't take what he said seriously, did they?"

"No," Remus admits reluctantly. "James told you his reaction to what he said. And Sirius said that he - that nobody thinks I'm - like that."

"Like that," Lily repeats, searching. "What, gay?"

Remus fidgets. "Just - he just said queer."

"Okay," Lily says. "So?"

"So, it's - it's not true," Remus says, frustrated. "Even if my body didn't - I still _feel_ \- Bollocks, Lily, don't make me say it."

"Okay," Lily says softly, a small smile on her lips. "Okay. And-- Sirius?"

Remus glances down at the parchment in front of him before admitting, "I don't know, but... He stayed with me, last night."

"Oh," Lily says, her eyes wide. "Was it, you know..."

Remus's face goes red enough to match Lily's hair. "No!" he protests, a bit too loudly. He clears his throat and then repeats, "No. No, it wasn't like that. I just, didn't want to be alone. We accidentally fell asleep."

"I see," Lily says, like she sees a lot more than what Remus just spelled out for her. "Are you going to tell him?"

Remus rolls his eyes. "About which part? I doubt he'd take any of it well."

"Why?" Lily asks. "He obviously cares about you."

"It's not the same," Remus mutters, running his fingers roughly through his hair. "Just because he - There are plenty of people like me who lose their friends even without being attracted to them." This last is said quietly, Remus aware that even in the quiet of the library anyone could be listening. 

"You're not going to lose your friends," Lily says, quiet but confident. "Even Potter isn't that much of a knob, and Sirius... Could you not just tell him he was wrong, about the queer thing? See how he reacts?"

Remus hesitates, chewing on his lip as he thinks. "I... _could_ do that," he admits reluctantly. 

"Why don't you want to?" Lily asks. "He's already out, isn't he? And that went okay."

"And James was weird about it for _weeks,_ " Remus counters. 

"Well, it's not James you're telling," Lily says, but she's frowning. "Sirius can't be weird about it; he's the same."

"Sirius could get weird if he thought I... y'know."

"Come on, Remus," Lily says, rolling her eyes. "I know I'm hardly Black's biggest fan, but give him some credit."

"I just don't want things to go wrong," Remus says quietly. 

Lily considers him for a moment, her keen green eyes searching his face. "You fancy him, don't you?" she asks.

Remus flushes once again. "Maybe," he mutters, a bit sullenly. 

"Oh Remus," Lily sighs, reaching across the table to cover one of his hands with her own. "It's okay."

Remus gives Lily a small smile. "It's not, but thanks."

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Lily says, "but we can if you do."

Remus doesn't say anything for several moments, but eventually, "I always knew I was different, for a couple of reasons, but it was after the Willow thing that I realized there was another reason. You remember how I didn't speak to Sirius for a week and a half?"

"Of course."

"I didn't talk to him because I felt betrayed," Remus explains. "Which was bad enough when I thought I just liked him as a friend, but then I realized... There was more to it."

"Are you in love with him?" Lily asks.

Remus sucks in a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "I don't know. Maybe?"

Lily nods, squeezes his hand. "What are you going to do?"

Remus lifts one shoulder in a shrug. "I don't know," he confesses. 

"Well," Lily says lightly, "there's no rush. It's not like he's going anywhere."

"Not until after we graduate, anyway," Remus mutters. 

Lily looks sad. "You don't have much faith in them, do you?"

"Things always change after school," Remus points out. "I'm just being realistic."

"Okay," Lily allows. "That's part of why I'm so wary of Potter - a very small part, mind, he's still a tosser. He's been after me for years, but once he gets out into the world and meets other people, who knows?"

Remus shrugs again. "I don't think that'll change anything for him," he says quietly. 

"So what makes you think it'll change things for Sirius and you?"

"There's a big difference between being friends and... being more," Remus says quietly. "If I say anything, and he _doesn't_ feel the same, then things change, no matter what. And if they change for the worse, then yeah, I really don't think we'll stay friends after Hogwarts."

Lily sighs. "It's your decision," she says, "but I do think Black deserves more credit than that. It's obvious that he cares about you, about all of you. And for all that I don't like him, if he has one redeeming quality, it's how loyal he is to you and Potter and Pettigrew."

"James is just as loyal," Remus blurts in a clumsily obvious attempt to steer the conversation away from himself.

Lily isn't fooled, but she allows Remus the reprieve he needs. "I know that," she says. "I can see it. But that doesn't make him a good person."

"It doesn't," Remus concedes, "but it does prove he's got at least one redeeming quality himself."

Lily smiles. "One," she agrees. She hesitates, then goes on. "I talked to him a bit last night, after I sent Black up to see you. Mostly I was just trying to keep him from barging up there and interrupting, but... he was quite pleasant, actually."

"Oh, really?" Remus asks, interested. "So he managed to keep from sticking his foot in his mouth too badly?"

"Well, for the most part," Lily says. "He wasn't an angel, by any means, but I didn't reach for my wand even once." She looks pleased, though it's clear she's trying really hard not to. "We're getting together after dinner on Tuesday to talk about our Head Student duties."

"He has been neglecting those," Remus agrees, unable to keep from smiling, just a little. James has made more progress with Lily in the past week than he has the past six years.

"Yes," Lily says primly, "well, he won't be anymore - not if I have anything to say about it." She shares Remus' smile. "Whatever you said to him really got through, I think. But only time will tell."

"Time will tell," Remus agrees, his smile growing into a grin. 

* * *

Sirius doesn't jump on Remus as soon as he returns to the common room, keeps his distance instead, and is rewarded when Remus approaches him a little while later when James and Peter are distracted by a game of Gobstones. They head over to a quiet corner so that Remus can tell him what Lily said about talking to James last night, and Sirius can't keep the grin off his face while they plan their next move. For the most part, they decide, subtlety is their best bet; James seems to have well and truly got the message, so their only task for now is to make sure he doesn't forget it. Sirius' expression turns sour when Remus brings up the Slytherins and suggests they should probably keep James from being too cruel towards them, and towards Snape especially, but he agrees that persecuting Lily's childhood best friend probably isn't the way to get James into her good books, even if Sirius is fairly confident that Evans and Snape haven't spoken since fifth year. Meanwhile, Remus promises to keep talking to Lily, gauging her reactions and talking James up whenever he can do so without being too obvious. This next stage of their plan agreed upon, the conversation turns to homework, and Sirius eagerly pulls a book out of his bag.

"The Advanced Charms book I ordered at the start of term finally arrived this morning," he says. "I thought maybe we could share - you are taking that course Flitwick mentioned, right?"

"Oh," Remus says, rubbing the back of his neck uncertainly. "I don't - I don't know, Pads. You know how much I struggled with nonverbal magic."

"But you got it in the end," Sirius argues, dismayed. "And Flitwick said there's only a small jump between nonverbal and wandless magic."

Remus does his best to convey exactly how unimpressed with that argument he is through his expression alone. "Even if that's true, you know it would still take me longer than most other people. I don't have the kind of - of inner focus needed for that. I have control, but I don't have focus."

Sirius doesn't look pleased, and he brandishes the book again. "Well we can't sign up until just before Christmas - why don't you practice with me and see how you get on?"

Remus sighs. "Sirius, I really don't think it would make much of a difference."

"All right, then," Sirius says, swallowing his disappointment as he tucks the book close to his chest. "I'll ask Prongs to help."

Remus groans internally, reaching out to grab Sirius's arm. "No, don't. I'll help you, Sirius, just - don't expect a lot from me, okay?"

Sirius sighs, but gives Remus a smile. "You're far more brilliant than you give yourself credit for, Moony," he says, "but okay. I won't."

Remus smiles back, gestures to the textbook. "So what's first?"

"Erm." Sirius flips open the book and quickly dismisses the introduction, flipping instead to the first chapter so that he can scan the opening paragraphs. After a moment, he looks up with a grin. "Oh. Apparently the key to mastering wandless magic is meditation and visualisation."

"Meditation," Remus says flatly. He sighs. "Okay. How do you want to attempt that, then?"

"Well, not here," Sirius laughs, gesturing to all the people around them. "Wormtail and Prongs look busy enough - maybe we could try it in the dormitory?"

Remus hesitates, but nods. "All right. It'll probably be deserted for a while; you know how their games go."

Sirius grins as he gets to his feet, holds his hand out to help Remus up. "I'll tell them to take their time anyway. Any excuse to get you alone, Moony."

Remus can't help the way his cheeks go hot. "You're incorrigible," he complains.

Sirius' grin turns wolfish. "You know it," he says. "Come on." He doesn't let go of Remus' hand until they reach the staircase.

Remus is all-out blushing by the time they reach the dormitory, but he doesn't try to stop what he and Sirius are doing. "All right, Mr. Holding-The-Book, how do you want to do this? I don't think you've ever tried meditation before."

"You have, though, haven't you?" Sirius asks, remembering. "For your, y'know, monthlies. How do you do it?"

Remus stiffens, then glares at Sirius. "Well, I don't make jokes, to start with," he says tightly, then takes a deep breath. "I usually sit on my bed, cross-legged."

Sirius rolls his eyes, but plops himself down on Remus' bed and looks up at him expectantly. "Now what?"

Remus pinches the bridge of his nose. "Why are you on my bed?"

"So you can show me what to do," Sirius says, patting the duvet in front of him. "Come on."

Remus sighs, but gives in, climbing onto the bed and settling himself across from Sirius. "You don't have to do what Muggles do, the whole 'lotus position' bull, you just need to sit still and _stay_ still, which is going to be hard for you, I know."

Sirius rolls his eyes. "I'm not actually a puppy," he points out, but he falls still. "What next? Close my eyes and _ommmm?_ "

If there was anything but a book within reach, Remus would throw it at him. "No, idiot. You do close your eyes, but you don't have to say anything. You visualize something, usually something calming."

"Okay," Sirius says, closing his eyes. "What do you picture?"

"Definitely not the Shrieking Shack," Remus says dryly. "A forest, usually. Or a beach."

"Lovely," Sirius sighs, smiling. "Okay then. The book says we should just focus on clearing our minds of everything but one thing - so, I suppose a forest or a beach works. Ready?"

"Ready," Remus confirms, placing his hands on his knees. 

They breathe in silence together for a few minutes, Sirius smiling softly to himself as he pictures the two of them laid out on a beach - or, no; Remus is too pale, he'd burn in the sun. A forest then, the summer sun filtered through a canopy of leaves, a babbling brook running through the clearing that they can paddle their feet in when they get too hot. He gets a bit lost in it, the exercise completely forgotten, until he becomes aware of movement close by, and opens his eyes to see that Remus is fidgeting, his eyes screwed shut but his hands twisting in his lap.

"Hey," Sirius says, amused, as he reaches out to take Remus' hands in his own. "Oi. I thought we were supposed to stay still."

Remus startles when Sirius takes his hands. He gives Sirius a sheepish smile. "Sorry. No focus, remember?"

Sirius' own smile is soft, encouraging. "Come on," he says, closing his eyes once more. "Try to match your breathing to mine. Let's try again."

Remus doesn't really want to close his eyes, not when Sirius's face is so close to his, but then he sighs, letting some of the tension leech from his shoulders. "All right. Again."

They try for nearly an hour, with varying degrees of success and more than a few bouts of the giggles, and they're just starting to get the hang of it when the dormitory door bursts open and James and Peter come tumbling in, laughing and making a general nuisance of themselves.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake!" Sirius snaps, turning to glare at his friends.

Peter laughs. "Why are you holding hands?" he asks.

Remus's face heats, and he yanks his hands from Sirius's. "Meditation," he blurts, gesturing to Sirius's forgotten book on the bed beside them. "Sirius wanted to practice."

"Practice what?" Peter asks, looking amused, and Sirius holds up the book.

"Wandless magic," he says. "You're supposed to get comfortable with meditation and visualisation before you start. Which involves being _quiet_ and _still_."

"I was fidgeting," Remus adds, studiously ignoring the smirk that James is giving Sirius. 

"I'm sure you were," Peter says, grinning, but he shuts up sharpish when James elbows him.

"Well," Sirius says, ignoring Peter, "we obviously can't get any peace and quiet now you're back." He moves his legs out from under him, but rather than get up and return to his own bed, he simply flops down against the pillows beside Remus, one arm behind his head. "So what shall we do now?"

"It's still early," James points out. "Well, too early for bed, anyway. So... We don't have any homework to finish. And I'm done with Gobstones for the night."

"A prank?" Peter suggests hopefully.

Remus raises an eyebrow. "On who?"

"The Slytherins?"

"Errr." Sirius glances nervously at Remus. "Nah. I can't be arsed, can you?"

"Too far," James agrees before Remus can respond. 

"Maybe a small one on the third years?" Remus suggests. 

Sirius looks at him, surprised but pleased. "You got something in mind, Moony?"

"Maybe," Remus hedges, but he's grinning. "Nothing dangerous or extremely inconvenient, just... Mildly so."

Sirius grins. "Why do you always surprise me?" he muses. "All right. Let's hear it."

* * *

The following week is the full moon, and it's just as rough as usual. Remus doesn't remember most of the night, but waking up in the hospital wing isn't surprising. What is surprising is that he's already got a visitor - usually his friends wait until after Madam Pomfrey's had a chance to look him over before they come barreling in. "Sirius? What're you doing here so early?"

"You had a bit of a shit night," Sirius says, his voice low. "Prongs and Wormy are up in the Tower sleeping it off, but I... I wanted to see you were all right."

Remus frowns. "Did I get loose?"

"No!" Sirius is quick to reassure him. "No, nothing like that. Just, you were agitated, worked up about something - it was all we could do to keep you from turning on yourself." He shivers, haunted by the images these words evoke.

Remus swallows heavily. "Oh," he says quietly. He had still been antsy, paranoid that somehow Snape would show up, but he hadn't thought that Moony would pick up on it. Apparently he'd thought wrong. "At least I didn't turn on you guys." 

"Yeah," Sirius agrees, his gaze flickering down to the bed.

"Sirius? I - I didn't, did I?"

Sirius hesitates, but he can't lie. "You didn't hurt any of us," he says. "We were all transformed, so you couldn't turn us."

"Don't you fucking lie or omit _anything,_ Black," Remus snaps. "Did I or did I not attack you, James, or Peter?"

"Peter managed to stay out of the way," Sirius tells him. "Me and James bore the brunt of it. But it was okay; we didn't mind."

" _Didn't mind?_ " Remus hisses. "A _werewolf_ attacked you - even if you were in your other shapes - and you _didn't mind?_ "

"No," Sirius says, defensive. "Like I said, it was better than you hurting yourself. Besides, it's not like it's the first time."

Everything in Remus comes to a screeching halt, and he stares at Sirius for a moment before he grits out, "Not. The first. _Time?_ "

Sirius blinks at him, suddenly feeling cold all over. "Well," he says evasively, "you know it took Moony a while to get used to us, when we first started coming out with you."

"Sirius Orion Black, I swear on Merlin's favorite pants that if you don't fucking quit this evasive shit, you will wake up bald and covered in boils every day for the next three months."

"All right," Sirius says, his hands up in supplication. "All right, just keep your hair on! Merlin, okay. It was... bad, the first full moon I spent with you, after..."

"After what?"

"You _know_ what," Sirius says, his eyes desperate. They haven't spoken about that night since Remus finally started talking to him again, and persuaded James and Peter to do the same. "Merlin, Remus."

Remus closes his eyes, buries his face in his hands, and when he speaks it's muffled. "Sirius, how badly did I hurt you?"

"Well, it was still you who ended up in the hospital wing the next morning," Sirius points out. "It doesn't matter, Remus, I was fine and you were... _so_ angry with me."

It takes every ounce of Remus's self-control not to scream his next words. "That's not an excuse! For me hurting you, or for you _not telling me!_ You know how I feel about the _possibility_ of attacking anyone, and I - I - " He blows out a harsh breath. "How badly? Don't lie, don't deflect. How badly did I hurt you, then and last night?"

"Listen to me," Sirius says, low and urgent as he catches one of Remus' hands and holds on tight. "I'm fine. Do I need to strip down naked right here so you can see for yourself? I'm _fine_ , and I was that night, and James is fine too. You didn't attack us; the wolf was frustrated and we let him take it out on our other forms rather than hurt _you_. It's different."

Remus doesn't answer for several long moments. "It's not that simple, and you know it," he says quietly. "I still - that's still _my body_ on the full moon. I'm still in there, Sirius. And you know that injuries still transfer to a certain extent. The bite isn't contagious, but if I - _You_ and James are still injured, not just Padfoot and Prongs."

"If you were still in there, you'd remember it," Sirius says quietly. "You didn't hurt us, Remus."

Remus scrubs at his face with his free hand. "This is an old argument," he mutters. "And the outcome's always the same. I still feel guilty, Sirius."

"Then I forgive you," Sirius says, "and let's hear no more about it." He sighs. "You need to rest. Do you want me to go so you can sleep?"

Remus shakes his head. "No. You're here already, you'd just come back later. Might as well stay, if you've got nothing better to do."

Remus knows exactly how much homework Sirius has, so it's a testament to how awful he's feeling that he isn't just sending Sirius away. Sirius squeezes his hand. "All right," he says, "but please rest."

Remus sighs, letting himself fall back against the pillows. He _is_ still rather tired. "Alright."

* * *

Remus gets released from the hospital wing halfway through lunch. Neither of them are very hungry, so Sirius escorts him back to Gryffindor Tower and ushers him back into bed when they reach the dormitory. Once he's sure that Remus is settled, he transforms into Padfoot and jumps up onto the end of the bed, settling himself against Remus' legs with his head on his paws. Remus is surprised, but he doesn't complain, and the two of them fall into a doze until the dormitory door bursts open some time later.

"Did you see his face?" Peter is laughing. "Oh Merlin, I thought he was going to-- Oh." His voice drops considerably, like he hasn't just been shouting loud enough to wake the dead. "They're back."

Padfoot just opens one lazy eye and glares balefully at them before closing it again.

James is looking at the two of them with a raised eyebrow. "Bit of a masochist there, aren't you, Pads?" he teases, then grunts when a pillow hits him in the chest. 

"Shut your traps," Remus manages to get out around a yawn. "Still sleeping here."

Padfoot huffs in agreement and wriggles further up the bed, nosing his way under Remus' arm until he can rest his head on Remus' chest instead. A sharp flick of his tail in James' general direction will have to serve in place of the two fingers he wants to show him; he knows James will get the message.

Padfoot isn't looking at him, but James still sticks his tongue out anyway like the very mature adult he is. Then he smirks. "Should we get in on the cuddle pile, Wormtail?"

Peter grins, and a moment later he's a rat, scrabbling up the bedpost and over the covers until he can curl up on top of Remus' head.

Remus is just enough out of it that he doesn't recognize the shit-eating grin on James's face until it's too late. "Wait, no - " There's a sound like a rubber band stretching, and then instead of a ten stone human, there's a thirty stone stag on the bed, with antlers and _hooves._ "Prongs, you wanker!"

Padfoot raises his head just enough to snap at Prongs, but it's obvious that he isn't going anywhere and that Remus is somehow still comfortable, so he just closes his eyes and settles back into sleep.

Remus smacks Prongs a couple more times in protest, but he doesn't do anything else before settling back against his pillows, Wormtail curled up by his ear and Padfoot on his chest.

* * *

The next weekend is the Hogsmeade weekend, and all four of them pounce on the opportunity to legally get out of the castle - only for James to drag Peter away in one direction and leave Remus and Sirius alone. "Well," Remus says, a bit amused. "Zonkos or Honeydukes, first?"

"Honeydukes," Sirius says, nodding to himself. "I need more sugar quills or I'm going to _die_."

Remus rolls his eyes, a fond smile on his face. "Well, we wouldn't want that, now would we?"

"You'd be lost without me," Sirius agrees as they make a beeline for the sweet shop. "What about you? Running low on anything?"

"I could use some more chocolate frogs," Remus says thoughtfully. "Missing a few cards; Peter said he'd swap a couple of his extras if I could find some he's missing."

"All right," Sirius says, grinning. "Let's see what we can find."

Remus can't help but return the grin. "Lead the way."

* * *

They meet up with James and Peter in The Three Broomsticks an hour or so later, and Sirius gets the butterbeer in while the others find a table. It's quite busy in the pub, the way it always is on Hogsmeade weekend, but it isn't long before Sirius reaches the bar and can lean against it next to a fair-haired boy who gives him a warm smile. Sirius returns it, places his order, and returns to his friends without giving it a second thought - but the look on Peter's face when he sits down gives him pause.

"What?" he asks, confused.

"What are you sitting down for?" Peter asks. "Go back over there. That boy was seriously eyeing you up."

Sirius blushes. "No he wasn't. I barely even looked at him."

"Doesn't mean he wasn't looking at you," James points out with a grin. "You should go talk to him at least."

"He wasn't even that good looking," Sirius complains, and Peter laughs.

"Are you joking? Even I can see he's dreamy."

Sirius rolls his eyes. "He's not my type."

"Well, you might want to tell him that," Peter says lightly, "because he's coming over here."

Remus and James glance up sharply, only to see that Peter's right. The boy from the bar is almost to their table, but he's completely focused on Sirius. "Hey," he says with a grin. "I'm Leo."

"'Lo," Sirius says, offering the boy a slightly strained smile. "Sirius." And then, because he's never been subtle, "And this is Remus, James and Peter."

Leo nods to the other three with a polite smile. "Was wondering if you'd be interested in some new company," he says with a smile tossed in Sirius's direction. "Just for the afternoon. Maybe a bit longer, if you're interested."

"Oh," Sirius says, hesitating. The boy is interesting, and he's certainly not bad-looking, but... "I don't know. I kind of came here with the lads, and..."

"Oh, go on, Sirius," Peter says, kicking him under the table. "We don't mind - do we?"

"Course not," James says with a grin, giving Sirius's shoulder a shove. 

Remus manages to muster up a semi-encouraging smile. "Go on, Sirius. We're not doing much here, anyway."

Sirius stalls, uncertain, his eyes on Remus. "Are you sure?"

Remus firms up his smile. "Yeah. I'm sure."

"Well, okay then," Sirius says. He turns to smile at Leo. "Let's go."

Silence falls over the table, and Remus studies his drink. He can feel James giving him the side eye, though Peter, thankfully, seems to be oblivious. The silence stretches on until footsteps approach, and Remus can't help the relieved sigh that escapes. "Lily."

"Hello," Lily says brightly. "I saw you all over here and thought I might join you for a drink. Alice has run off to snog Frank Longbottom somewhere. Where's Black?"

"Ran off with some guy named Leo," James answers. "Didn't touch his butterbeer; be a shame to let it go to waste."

"Oh." Lily slides into Sirius' vacated seat and catches Remus' gaze. "On a date?"

Peter nods, oblivious. "He was a Hufflepuff, I think. Not in our year."

"Might've been a sixth year," James muses. 

"I see," Lily says. She can't read much in Remus' eyes, but she can tell he's uncomfortable. She gives him a sympathetic look and silently promises to seek him out later. "Well, let's hope he has a nice time."

Remus manages to drum up a half-hearted smile. "Let's hope."

* * *

Sirius isn't seen again until the others are getting ready for bed, and he swans into the dormitory like there's nothing unusual about this. "Hullo lads," he says, dropping onto his bed and fishing a packet of sugar quills out of his Honeydukes bag. "Anyone want one?"

Remus doesn't glance up, but James speaks up. "Yeah, I'll take one," he says, holding out a hand. 

"Me too," Peter says, and Sirius tosses them two each. Peter bites straight into the first one like a heathen, and Sirius pulls a face. "Don't look at me like that. How was your _date?_ "

Sirius' cheeks flush. "It wasn't a date," he says.

"Nah, Padfoot's right," James says around the quill he's stuck in his own mouth. "Way that Leo bloke was looking at him, they just copped off."

"Merlin, Potter!" Sirius hisses, but when James just raises an eyebrow, he huffs. "Fine. We just snogged a bit. All right?"

James smirks. "Knew it."

"I don't see why it's any of your business," Sirius grumbles, looking sour.

"Because you're my brother," James laughs, bouncing up to tug Sirius into a headlock and ruffle his hair affectionately. "'S my duty to give you a hard time."

"Whatever," Sirius laughs, shoving him off. "What did you three get up to while I was gone?"

"Not much," James answers. "Had some butterbeer, talked with Lily a bit. Alice ditched her for Frank, so she decided to come over to our table."

"Nice," Sirius says, approving. He glances over at the bed next to his own, to the boy who still has yet to say a word. "What do you think, Moony, now that Evans is replacing you with Prongs?"

Remus doesn't glance at Sirius, just shrugs. "She's allowed to have more friends."

"Yeah," Sirius says, stung. "I-- I know." He looks at James, his eyebrows raised.

James shrugs, eyes wide. He's not sure why Remus is acting like this, but he's got a hunch. "Well, I think you're safe, Moony; Lily definitely still likes you better." That gets an eyeroll, but it's accompanied by a half-smile, so James isn't too worried.

They chat for a little longer - the three of them, because Remus is back to ignoring them again - before James announces that he's knackered and they go to bed. Remus' curtains are pulled tight around his bed by the time Sirius gets back from brushing his teeth, so he bids goodnight to the others and retreats behind his own curtains. He wants to sleep, really he does, but he can't; he spends the next half hour staring up at the canopy over his bed, imagining he can see stars there, and as soon as the first snore comes from James' direction he's up, out of bed, slipping behind the curtains around Remus'.

It's immediately obvious that Remus is still awake, because he turns his back on Sirius as soon as the curtains twitch open. Sirius won't be deterred. "Hi," he whispers, perching on the edge of the bed. "Want to tell me what's got your knickers in a twist?"

His only answer is a curt, "No."

Sirius sighs. "Come on, Moony, please talk to me."

"Go back to bed, Sirius."

"No," Sirius says, stubborn. "If you won't talk to me I'll just turn into Padfoot and stay right here all night."

There's another moment of stubborn silence, and then a sigh. "What do you want?"

"To know why you've been such a miserable shit all night."

"It's just a funk, Padfoot. I'll be fine in the morning."

Sirius glares at him through the gloom, unconvinced. "Moony."

"It's nothing, Sirius. I just - was looking forward to spending the day in Hogsmeade with all of you. You know what I'm like when plans get changed abruptly."

"I'm sorry," Sirius says, and he means it. "It won't happen again. I probably won't be seeing that Leo bloke again anyway."

There's a moment of silence, then Remus shifts so he's laying on his back. "Okay," he says quietly. "So you didn't like him that much?"

"Nah," Sirius says. "He was all right for a snog, but like I told Peter. Not my type."

"Right," Remus says quietly. "Well, at least we don't have to worry about losing you like we did James when he first realized how great Lily is."

"Is that what you were worried about?" Sirius asks softly.

Not exactly, but Remus isn't about to say that out loud. "Yeah," is what he actually says.

Sirius thinks he can hear what Remus doesn't say, and he sighs. "That's never going to happen. Not with Prongs, and definitely not with me."

"Well, good," Remus says quietly. He's still not quite looking at Sirius, but his tone and posture are more open than they had been since returning from Hogsmeade. 

Sirius gives Remus a soft smile. "Love me again?" he teases.

Remus rolls his eyes. "I wouldn't go that far."

"Mean," Sirius says, twisting so that he can rest against Remus' pillows beside him. "I'm really quite fabulous."

Remus lets out a long-suffering sigh. "Your hair is nice," he admits, affecting a thoughtful tone. "The rest of you, however..."

"Oh," Sirius says, sitting up, "then I suppose I'll just leave you alone."

And Remus should let him go, should laugh and shove him out of bed maybe, but he's always been a selfish bastard at heart. "No," he says hastily, sitting up himself and grabbing Sirius's arm. "No, stay."

Sirius shoots him a surprised look. "Are you sure?"

Remus swallows, nods. "Yeah."

"Okay," Sirius says, slipping beneath the covers and turning on his side to face Remus. "I'm really sorry about today."

Remus gives Sirius a half-smile. "I forgive you."

"Good," Sirius sighs, relief and exhaustion creeping over him like a blanket. "I missed you."

The half-smile grows to a full one. "I missed you, too," he murmurs.

* * *

The next weekend is Sirius's birthday, and they celebrate the same way they have since third year: Wheedling a little firewhiskey and giggle water from the house elves in the kitchen along with enough food to feed a small army, sneak it back up to their dorms and gorge themselves. Once they're all groaning from the ridiculous amount of food they've ate, they crack open the drinks and pass out the presents. First, the gag gifts. Dog-themed, because they're unoriginal; James gets Sirius dog shampoo, Peter gets him dog treats, and Remus - well, Remus is grinning like a loon while Sirius opens his present.

"A collar," Sirius groans, lifting it up on one finger to look at it. "Very funny, Moony. But - actually, this is really nice." The collar is black and glossy and not too thick, and he turns to give Remus a grin. "Thanks, mate."

Remus grins. "Transfigured it from one of your belts," he says casually. 

Sirius throws it at him. "Tosser!"

Remus catches it easily, grinning. "You love me."

"So you say," Sirius sniffs. "So where are my real presents?"

James and Peter go first, Sirius ooh'ing and aww'ing over every present, and when he turns back expectantly to Remus, Remus already has the package in his hand; it's rather large, and he hands it over carefully. "Here you go," he says with a nervous smile. "I hope you like it."

Sirius tears into the wrapping paper with childlike excitement, but frowns when he reveals a strange shape made of stretchy black material. "What is it?"

"It's a seat cover," Remus explains with a smile. "I enchanted it."

"For the bike?" Sirius asks, turning the cover over in his hands. He can see it now. "Remus, that's perfect. Thank you."

Remus smiles, pleased. "You're welcome. It's got a warming enchantment on it."

"I can feel it," Sirius says, awed, because he can. The cover is heating up in his hands, just a little, reacting to the slight chill in the air from a nearby open window and warming his fingers just enough. It's clearly very sensitive magic. "This must have taken you ages."

Remus shrugs. It had taken a while, and several scorched towels, before Remus had worked out the kinks to the charm. "It was worth it."

Sirius gives him a soft smile. "Thank you, Remus."

Remus's answering smile is soft. "You're welcome."

* * *

"Oh, hi Remus," Lily says, smiling, when Remus comes creeping downstairs early one morning about a week later. It's early enough that the morning fires have only just been lit, and the common room is still chilly; Lily is curled up in an armchair with a book in her hands, dressed for the day, but otherwise the room is deserted. "Is Potter up yet? We were supposed to sort out the new prefects' schedule before breakfast."

"No, he's not up yet; I'm the first, and - uh, do you have..." Remus sighs, makes a vague gesture towards his crotch. "I miscounted."

"Oh," Lily says, her eyes wide. She sets the book aside and gets to her feet. "Yeah, of course. Do you just need enough for the day, or?"

Remus nods. "I'll go to Madam Pomfrey later today, but you know I don't like having these things around the dorm." He gives her a tight, wry smile. "The lads are pretty good about me liking my privacy, but you never know."

"I understand," Lily says. "I won't be a second." She hurries up the staircase to the girls' dormitory and, true to her word, returns moments later with a small package wrapped up in her House scarf. "If you need anything else just let me know, okay?"

Remus takes the bundle with a grateful smile. "I will, thank you," he says, turning back towards the stairs. "I owe you one, Lil."

"You honestly don't," Lily assures him with a smile. "But if you want to do me a favour, you can kick Potter right down those stairs."

Remus grins. "I can do that," he promises, and heads off to do just that. He doesn't literally kick James down the stairs, though he does have to give him several shoves, and once that's taken care of Remus heads into the bathroom, locking the door; it's not something they usually do, but they all agreed in first year to respect the locked bathroom door unless the person on the other side was in clear distress or not answering any queries.

This week is always Remus's least favorite week of each month - worse even than the full moon, because at least that's only one, _maybe_ two nights if the moon is exceptionally strong. But this lasts at least three days, usually closer to the full week, and it's always almost unbearably uncomfortable. It's the thing Remus wishes he could get rid of the most, but alas, no such spell has been discovered yet. With several years' practice under his belt, it doesn't take long for Remus to get everything situated, but when he stands back up, he barely manages to suppress a groan at the sudden gnawing sensation too low to be his stomach. 

He may have to make that trip to the hospital wing sooner than planned.

* * *

Remus is even later to breakfast than usual, having dashed off just as the other boys were heading downstairs, but Sirius makes sure to save him a full plate of sausages and fried eggs anyway, and moves over to make room when Remus finally makes it to the Great Hall. He turns to look at the other boy, a question on his lips, but he stalls when he sees Evans slip into the seat on the other side of Remus.

"How are you feeling?" she asks, dropping a hand beneath the table presumably to squeeze Remus' thigh. Sirius' eyes widen.

"Better," Remus answers, giving Lily a smile. "Madam Pomfrey makes some amazing potions. She could be richer than Midas if she sold them."

"You were in the hospital wing?" Sirius asks sharply. "What for? Are you okay?"

Remus has to fight to keep his expression from turning guilty. "I ah, had a bit of food poisoning this morning. Nothing actually came up but the nausea was pretty bad."

"What did you eat?" Sirius asks. "None of us were sick - at least, I don't think so. Hey, Prongs--"

"Leave it, Black," Lily snaps. "He doesn't need his business shouting all over the Great Hall."

Sirius turns back to her, stung. "I wasn't going to--"

"It's fine," Remus cuts in. "But she's right; just leave it."

Sirius frowns. "But if you're ill--"

"It was just some nausea," Remus lies. "I'm fine now, Sirius."

Sirius searches Remus' face, unconvinced. "Are you _sure_ you're feeling better?"

Remus gives Sirius a half-hearted smile. "I'm sure. I'll tell you if I feel worse, but just drop it for now, okay?"

If that isn't enough to shut Sirius up, the quelling look Evans gives him just then is, and he sighs. "Okay," he says. "Just take it easy today."

"I will," Remus promises, and he does try to - it's just, things get to him a lot more easily on this week, and for some reason every single arsehole in the castle seems to be out to piss him off. Add that to his discomfort about what his body's doing and what his body is actually doing, and someone is eventually going to lose their head, cry, or quite possibly both. Thank every deity that exists for Lily, however, because she manages to keep most everybody else at bay for most of the day. 

Until that afternoon, when she has to go drag a fifth year from the common room to the detention he'd tried to skip. Remus debates retreating to the dormitory, but before he can move someone drops into the chair next to him. A glance to the side has Remus stifling a groan - but he can't quite manage it, because the latest round of Madam Pomfrey's potion hasn't quite kicked in yet. "What do you want, Sirius?"

Sirius manages to give Padfoot a run for his money with the wounded puppy look he gives Remus. "I wanted to see if you were okay," he says. "You've been off all day. Are you feeling poorly again?"

"Just some side effects of the potion Madam Pomfrey gave me," Remus deflects. 

"You went to her feeling sick," Sirius says slowly, "so she gave you a potion that makes you feel sick? That's ridiculous!"

Remus sighs. "She gave me a potion that took care of the nausea, but I've just had a headache most of the day. I'd rather a headache than an upset stomach."

"Oh," Sirius says. He frowns. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Not really," Remus answers, voice tight as another wave ripples through his abdomen; even wizarding medicine can only do so much. 

"I could get you something cold for your head," Sirius suggests. "Or something hot, I know that works best for some people. Or maybe something sweet? I still have some sugar quills upstairs, or--"

" _Sirius,_ " Remus grits out, rubbing at his temples, "I mean this in the best possible way, but _please_ shut the fuck up."

Sirius stops dead, _gapes_ at Remus. "Merlin," he says, "all right. No need to get your knickers in a twist."

Remus jumps to his feet, wand in his hand, and he points it at Sirius with a snarled, " _Silencio!_ "

Horrified, Sirius opens his mouth to voice his outrage - but, of course, he can't make a sound. It doesn't stop him from trying, however, and he rants silently until his jaw aches; finally, he resorts to mouthing a fierce _fuck you_ and storming from the common room.

Lily waits until the slamming of the dormitor door echoes down the stairs before approaching Remus. "Are you all right?" she asks quietly.

Remus, who's slumped in an armchair, shakes his head. "No, I'm not," he mutters. "I should probably go apologize."

"You might want to give him some time," Lily suggests, trying to be gentle. "He looked quite upset."

Remus winces. "Yeah. I didn't mean to hex him, I just - wanted him to be quiet."

”I know,” Lily assures him. “He’ll get over it.”

Remus sighs again. "This isn't going to be a fun week."

"No," Lily agrees, with deep sympathy. "It really isn't."

* * *

Remus waits almost an hour before braving the stairs to the dormitory. "Here we go," James says as soon as he opens the door. Sirius is lying on his bed, flat on his back, staring up at the canopy overhead. "You finally screwed your head back on straight, then?"

Remus rubs the back of his neck self-consciously. "Yeah. I was a knob, earlier."

"Sweet Merlin," Sirius says mildly. "Did Moony just admit to being in the wrong?"

"Don't be a twat, Padfoot," James rebukes him, but he doesn't take his gaze away from Remus, and the hard edge to his voice isn't all for Sirius' benefit. "Unless you want to have your vocal cords snapped again."

Remus's face goes hot. "I was out of line," he admits. "I shouldn't have hexed you, Sirius."

Sirius props himself up on his elbows, fixes Remus with an unreadable look. "Is that an apology, then?"

Remus swallows and nods, looking Sirius in the eye. "Yeah. I'm sorry for hexing you."

Sirius smiles, beckons Remus over. "It's okay," he says. "I'm sorry for pissing you off."

Remus returns the smile, relieved, as he moves closer until he can perch on the edge of the bed. "It's all right. It wasn't really you, anyhow. It was just the last straw kind of thing."

Sirius nods, moving so he can sit cross-legged in the middle of the bed. "Are you feeling any better?"

"A bit," Remus admits; it's not a lie, this time. "Not quite out of the woods yet."

Sirius' brow furrows in concern. "Want us to clear out so you can go to bed?"

Remus hesitates, but shakes his head. "No. You don't need to leave; I was just going to lie down."

"Okay," Sirius says. "We'll keep it down."

Remus gives Sirius another smile. "Thanks."

Sirius huffs a soft laugh. "Come on," he says. "Give me a hug before you go."

The smile shifts into a grin, and Remus scoots forward on the bed until he can pull Sirius into his arms. "We're okay?"

"Yeah," Sirius says, sighs really, as he breathes Remus in. "'Course we are, you wally."

Remus hides his smile in the crook of Sirius's neck. "Good."

* * *

"James Potter, you absolute _arse_!" Evans shrieks as she storms into the common room, mere seconds after James returns from Quidditch practice one Saturday afternoon in mid-December. He makes a beeline for the spiral staircase that leads to the boys' dormitories, but she's faster than him and catches him before he can set so much as a toe on the first step. Sirius and Remus can do nothing but watch in morbid fascination as she sets about berating him for choosing a stupid game over his duties as Head Boy in front of the whole of Gryffindor.

"Well," Sirius says, when the pitch of Lily's voice rises high enough that even the portraits have to cover their ears. "I think he's done it this time. All our hard work down the drain."

"What hard work?" Peter asks, appearing from nowhere and sitting down next to Remus. "What's going on?"

"You remember at the beginning of the year, we told James that Lily really does think he's a twat?" Remus says, watching curiously as James seems to shrink smaller and smaller with every invective out of Lily's mouth. "We've been trying to keep him from being as much of one, to try to give him a better chance with her."

"Oh," Peter says. "Does he know that?"

"Not as such," Sirius says with a grin. "But it's been working. Up until now, anyway."

Remus rolls his eyes. "Yeah, until he decided that his extracurricular was more important than his Head Boy duties."

"Plonker," Peter agrees. And then, a little too casually, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Sirius freezes. "Ah, mate..."

Remus shares a look with Sirius, hesitating. "We needed to keep what we're doing a secret from Prongs."

"So? I won't tell him."

"We just thought the less people that know, the better," Sirius offers. "Besides, we've hardly had to do anything. Now we've got it through to him what Evans really thinks of him, he does most of the work himself."

"Or at least he did," Remus adds. 

"So what's the plan now?" Peter asks, wincing when Lily starts to shriek again. "How are you going to fix this?"

"Well, we can't do anything right now," Remus says thoughtfully. "And no matter what, we can't totally stop James from being a prat."

"Of course not," Peter says, "have you met him? But you're not going to let all your hard work go to waste over Quidditch practice, are you?"

"Well, no," Sirius concedes.

"I can handle Lily," Remus offers. "Once she's finished blowing up at him, I'll take her out of the common room for a bit, maybe down to the kitchens. See how far James has set himself back."

"Good idea," Sirius agrees. "And I can talk to James, see if I can get him to apologise like he actually means it."

"And what about me?" Peter asks pointedly.

Remus hums thoughtfully. "You could help Sirius?" he suggests. "James is probably going to be in a hell of a sulk by the time Lily's done with him."

"That's it?" Peter demands.

"Not much else to do, mate," Sirius says with a shrug. "Sorry."

Peter sighs, gets to his feet. "Fine," he says. "I have some Herbology homework; I'm going upstairs."

"We'll let you know when something else comes up," Remus promises, but Peter doesn't give any indication that he's heard. 

* * *

Between them, Remus, Sirius and Peter work their magic, and by the time the Christmas holidays roll around Lily and James are talking to each other again. It's the night before they're all due to go home on the Hogwarts Express, and James has just practically floated to bed after extracting a promise from Lily to write to him over the break; Peter retired half an hour ago, so that leaves Remus and Sirius alone in the common room, save for a few first years who are too excited to sleep and a handful of fifth years already panicking over OWLs. There's a sprig of mistletoe floating just inside the portrait hole, surprising two friends into sharing a flustered kiss on the cheek as they clamber through, and Sirius laughs.

"I had to kiss Dorcas Meadowes before," he says with a shudder. "Merlin."

Remus makes a sympathetic noise. "I've managed to duck it so far. Don't know how long my luck will hold up, though. Mary McDonald's been trying to get me under it, I think."

"Oh?" Sirius asks, ignoring the way his stomach twists. "You don't want her to?"

"I think she's just doing it to make Dan jealous," Remus confesses quietly. He hesitates, a conversation with Lily from months ago floating to the forefront of his mind, and he swallows. "I uh, I'm not looking for a kiss from her, anyway."

"Oh," Sirius says again, vaguely aware that he sounds utterly ridiculous. "You've got your eye on someone then?"

"Uh, maybe," Remus hedges. "I don't think he'd be the kind to want a mistletoe kiss, though."

Sirius nearly chokes on his own spit. "I'm sorry, did you just say _he?_ "

Remus rolls his eyes, attempting to cover the way his heart feels like it's going to jump out of his throat. "Yes, I did, and could you say it a bit louder? I don't think they heard you in Hogsmeade."

Sirius huffs and leans closer. "I didn't think you were bent!" he hisses.

"I like both," Remus explains quietly, not quite able to make eye contact with Sirius. "But I - I like blokes more."

"Merlin," Sirius sighs. "Since when?"

Remus shrugs. "Around fifth year was when I started thinking about it, sixth was when I knew for sure."

Sirius sits back, searching Remus' face with an unreadable look on his own. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asks.

Remus sighs. "Because I was scared," he admits. "Irrationally, but still."

"I told all you lot I was queer in fifth year," Sirius points out. "What was there to be scared of?"

Remus shrugs. "What if it was too much?" he asks quietly. "I know - James was weird about you coming out, and I don't think anything would have happened, but... What if? I'm a worrier, Pads. You know that."

"You could've told _me_ , though," Sirius presses, hurt.

"I know," Remus says, guilty. "I just - I don't know, Sirius. I wasn't ready to come out to anyone, really, and even when I was I just didn't know how."

"Well," Sirius says, "you've done it now. How do you feel?"

"Still a bit scared," Remus admits. "But also better."

"You don't have to tell any of the others," Sirius tells him gently. "And you've got nothing to be scared about where I'm concerned."

Remus gives Sirius a small smile. "Thanks. I appreciate that."

Sirius doesn't really know what the look in Remus' eyes means, but he smiles back. "You're welcome," he says. "I'm really glad you told me."

* * *

Three days into the Christmas holidays finds James barely resisting the urge to keep from laughing at Sirius. He's been freaking out almost nonstop, rambling on and on about Remus, and honestly even though he hasn't outright said anything, it's not hard to put the pieces together. "Mate," he says, taking advantage of the fact that Sirius does still need to pause for breath. "Calm down. You're not making a whole lot of sense, and you've just been repeating yourself."

" _Remus_ ," Sirius sighs dramatically, dropping his head into his hands. "I fancy the fucking arse off him, Prongs."

"No," James drawls. "After you spent three days prattling on about his arse and his hair and his eyes? I never would've guessed."

"No," Sirius says, earnest to the point of desperation, "you don't understand. I'm _in love with him_."

James's eyes widen. "You're not taking the piss?"

"No," Sirius says miserably. "I'm completely bonkers for him. Have been for a while."

James blinks once, and then again. "Huh. Well, what are you going to do?"

"I don't know!" Sirius moans. "Haven't you been listening? If I tell him I could ruin everything, but if I don't..."

"Then you'll be a miserable bastard for the rest of your life," James finishes for him. 

Sirius tries to glare at him, but he can't deny that James is right. "What do I do?"

"Well, do you think he might like you back?"

"I don't know," Sirius says. "Maybe? We've been spending a lot of time together."

"Well, that's encouraging," James says with a smile. "Anything else? Has he been sitting closer, touching you more?"

"We've always touched each other a lot," Sirius says. "But, well. I've been sharing his bed a fair bit, haven't I?"

"You have," James concedes. "Doubt he'd let you do that if he wasn't comfortable around you, at least."

"But does that mean he fancies me back, or that I'd be an idiot to say something?" Sirius asks.

"Well, I don't know for sure, but it definitely means he feels comfortable around you." A thought strikes James then, and he asks, "What about after you copped off with that Hufflepuff?"

"Oh, he was fuming," Sirius says. "But he said that was just because he didn't want to lose me the same way we almost lost you when you started obsessing over Evans."

"Uh-huh," James says doubtfully. "Did he look you in the eye when he said that?"

"Err," Sirius says. "I think so? It was dark."

James nods. "Okay. Well he seemed like he was ignoring you especially that day, so maybe he was jealous?"

"Maybe," Sirius allows. "Or maybe he just thought I was being an arsehole."

James shrugs; that _could_ be the reason, he has to admit. "Well, what about that last full moon before your birthday? You stayed with him all day, right?"

"He was upset," Sirius says. "He didn't know he'd hurt us."

"He didn't push you away though, did he?" James asks pointedly. "Didn't try to run off by himself the way he used to even after the first full moons we spent with him?"

"No," Sirius says slowly.

"He still gets distant from me and Peter if you've got some reason to be away," James points out. "Well, quiet. And I've noticed even on good moons he seems to stick around you more."

Sirius sighs. "I don't know," he says. "All of this could mean anything." He shoots James a sardonic look. "And I don't know why I'm asking you for advice, anyway. Evans still won't go out with you."

"Hey, I'm getting closer!" James protests. "And besides, you need a more objective eye."

"So what do you think?" Sirius asks. "What would the Wise and Knowing James Potter have me do?"

James grins. "Grow a pair."

Sirius bites his lip in an uncharacteristic gesture of discomfort. "You really think I should tell him?"

James's grin softens into a smile. "Yeah, I do."

Sirius deflates like someone stuck a pin in him, and he sighs, nods. "I'll think about it."

James grins again. "Good."

* * *

The rest of the holidays pass fairly smoothly, and it's not long before they're all back at Hogwarts, ready to resume their classes and pranks, and - in James's case - their wooing. James keeps giving Sirius meaningful looks while they wait for Remus to finish unpacking, but when Sirius doesn't say anything, James rolls his eyes and breaks the silence himself. "So, Moony! How were the hols at your place?"

Remus grins. "Pretty good, actually. Dad didn't start anything, Mum managed to make a completely unscorched Christmas feast, and I got to see some people I hadn't in years."

"Oh yeah?" Sirius asks, interested. "Who?"

"Colin," Remus answers. "Haven't seen him in years, but he grew up nice."

Sirius' gaze finds James', and they share a startled look. "You went out with this lad a lot, then?" he asks, trying for casual.

"Oh, all the time," Remus says easily. "We grew up together. Even after - after, he was my closest friend, till he moved the year before I started here."

"Must have been nice to see him again," Sirius offers, feeling vaguely dazed.

"It was," Remus confirms with a grin. "Been almost seven years, and we still got along famously. Think we might've caused our mums a few more grey hairs."

"Well," Sirius says, "I'm glad you had a good time."

”Did you meet any birds?” Peter asks.

”Didn’t really try,” Remus admits. Peter makes a noise of disbelief, and he glances at Sirius, who nods encouragingly. “I like girls fine, but I think I’m more in the market for a bloke at the minute. Besides, like I said, I spent most of my time with Colin.”

There’s a beat of silence, a tense moment in which no one seems to even breathe, and then Peter asks, "Will you be seeing him again?"

Remus can barely contain his relief. "Probably," is the answer. "He's moving back around my parents' place for work. I'll probably see him around a good bit."

"That's great," Peter says, grinning. "Suppose you'll need a break from us lot once school finishes."

Remus laughs, his words taking a teasing tone. "Oh yeah, you all are such pains in my arse, I'll need a few weeks' break."

"Lies and slander," Sirius says, reclining against his pillows. "We're fantastic."

"Fantastically annoying," Remus retorts, but he's smiling. "What about the rest of you? How'd your holidays go?"

* * *

They spend the rest of the afternoon talking about what they got up to over Christmas, and looking forward to the Advanced Charms course that all four of them decided to sign up for at the end of last term. Remus seems anxious about his ability still, so Sirius offers to stay up in the dormitory with him to practice some more meditation when James announces that he's off to the common room to talk to Lily. Peter goes with him, disappearing to God knows where, and Remus and Sirius settle themselves on Remus' bed, eyes closed, breathing deeply.

Once Remus stops fidgeting and starts to focus, Sirius finds it easy to lose himself to it; when James returns some time later, he opens his eyes to find that it's gone dark outside and that a fire has been lit in the grate. Across from him, Remus has fallen back against his pillows, and is snoring softly. Sirius smiles. "Can't believe he fell asleep," he murmurs. "Have we missed dinner?"

"Yup," James answers, brandishing a tray. "Sweet-talked McGonagall into letting me bring this up. Was surprisingly easy when I mentioned it was for Moony."

"Seems everyone's got a soft spot for him," Sirius says, fond, as he slips off the bed. "Will it keep? I'd hate to wake him."

James nods. "Can always hit it with a warming spell," he muses as he puts the tray down. Then he nods to Remus, voice lowering as he asks, "Did you tell him?"

Sirius snorts, but quietly. "Did I fuck," he murmurs. "Did you hear the way he was talking about that bloke he spent the holidays with? There's no way I'm saying anything now."

James sighs. "It doesn't sound good," he admits, settling down next to Sirius. "But he didn't actually say he was seeing this Colin fellow in a romantic way."

"Well what did you make of it?" Sirius asks.

"Could've just been a childhood friend," James points out. 

" _I'm_ a childhood friend," Sirius says. "It doesn't stop, you know, _feelings_."

James bites his lip. "True," he concedes reluctantly. Moony _had_ sounded incredibly fond of this bloke... "But he still didn't tell us they were _seeing_ each other."

"No," Sirius agrees. "But I can't risk it. He sounded really excited to see him again after school finishes; the bloke's even moving up by his mum's!"

"He did sound excited, but he also hasn't seen Colin in nearly seven years, he said it himself," James points out. 

Sirius sighs. "Maybe," he says. "But I still can't risk it."

"Look," James says, oblivious to the fact that behind the two of them, Remus is now awake, "you still need to say something. It's gonna start affecting the relationship between the two of you if you don't."

"It won't," Sirius says stubbornly. "I won't let it. I'll just... I'll get over it."

"That's not the answer, and it's not that easy, and you know it," James says firmly. 

Sirius gives him a hard look, but there's defeat in his eyes. "It'll have to be," he says.

James opens his mouth to respond, but shuts it quickly when he hears a yawn from behind them. "Evening, Moony," he says instead, turning to grin at the squinting werewolf. "Hungry?"

"Yeah," Remus says, yawning again. "Got food?"

"Prongs brought some up from dinner," Sirius says, glad for the distraction. "Turns out McGonagall can't say no when it's for you. Always knew she had favourites."

Remus can't help his small smile; he knows full well why it seems like he's McGonagall's favorite, and he's always felt like she was an aunt. "Well, this is one time I'm happy to take advantage of that. Pass me a plate, will you?"

* * *

Remus isn't ashamed of the fact that he drags Lily to an empty part of the library the day after next; he's been silently freaking out since accidentally overhearing James and Sirius, and he really needs to talk to his best friend. "Okay, I need you to be honest, Lily - do you think Sirius fancies me?"

Lily looks at him strangely. "Are you finally going to tell him how you feel?" she asks. "Because honestly, I don't think you'll be disappointed."

Remus sighs. "I heard him and James talking. It sounded like they were talking about how Sirius feels about me."

"And?" Lily prompts.

" _And,_ " Remus says emphatically, "what about when he finds out the truth? He fancies me now, but what about when he finds out I don't have the bits most blokes do?"

"Oh," Lily says, biting her lip. "You really think he'll mind?"

"That's just it, _I don't know,_ " Remus answers, clearly frustrated. 

Lily sighs. "We've talked about this before," she says. "If you take the... romantic implications away, do you really think that Black, or any of the others, really, would turn their backs on you if they knew the truth?"

Remus hesitates, but he has to admit, "No."

"Then why don't you start there?" Lily suggests, not for the first time. "It'll put the ball in Black's court - and if he's as decent as you think he is, it won't matter to him."

Remus hesitates. "I don't - I don't have _any_ idea how to start that conversation, though," he says helplessly. 

"Have you ever told anyone else?" Lily asks.

Remus shakes his head. "I didn't even really tell you," he points out. "With my parents I just... insisted I was a boy."

"I don't know," Lily says, looking troubled. "Short of sitting him down and explaining that you've something to tell him, that you need his support and understanding. And then just, well. Just saying it."

Remus sighs. "That sounds positively terrifying."

"You don't have to do it straight away," Lily assures him. "You can take your time, work your way up to it. But it's going to hurt you both if you don't."

Remus scrubs a hand over his face. "You're right," he says, albeit reluctantly. "I do need to tell him. Probably sooner rather than later."

"Just think about it," Lily urges gently, reaching out to lay a hand over one of Remus'. "I'm always here if you need to talk."

Remus places his hand over hers, giving Lily a grateful smile. "Thanks. Have I ever told you how much I love and appreciate you?"

Lily smiles back. "I love you too, Remus," she tells him. "I'm so glad we're friends."

"Me, too," Remus says, leaning in to drop an affectionate peck to Lily's cheek. 

* * *

Remus gets the shit end of the stick the following week; he knows he's coming up on his next monthly - but when he actually looks at a calendar, he realizes that the full moon? Falls on the second day, when his hormones and cramps are usually the worst. He is seriously tempted to curse every deity in existence, but he's not that stupid; that would just be inviting trouble. So he settles for cursing furiously into his pillow, and then letting Madam Pomfrey know what's going to be going on. 

He makes sure to let his friends know that he can feel this moon is going to be a bad one, and he's right. He doesn't remember it as usual, but with the way that he wakes feeling completely _fucked_ in the hospital wing the next morning tells him he was right. Sirius is there again, and Remus manages to keep his whinging to a minimum - until they get back to the dormitory after a quick stop by the Great Hall to grab some food from lunch. Once he and Sirius are alone in the dormitory, however, he quits holding back - and his first demand is out of his mouth less than two steps into the room. "My bed, now," he groans, stumbling forward and dragging Sirius with him by the sleeve. 

"All right," Sirius says, hurrying to catch up with Remus so that he can get an arm around him, helping to support his weight for the last few steps to the bed. "Here. Do you want to get changed or anything?"

Remus shoves Sirius's arm off of him irritably. "I'm not an invalid," he snaps. "And no. I just wanna lie down."

"All right," Sirius says again, his eyebrows raised. "Shall I go?"

" _No!_ "

Sirius' eyebrows climb even higher. "Then what do you want?" he asks.

Remus huffs, his cheeks flushing. "I don't - I want you to be my pillow. I sleep better after the full moons like that."

Something in Sirius melts, and he nods, moving to join Remus carefully on the bed. "Okay," he says, opening his arms. "Like this?"

Remus sighs, grateful he doesn't have to say anything else. "Yeah, like that," he says, fitting himself into the space Sirius makes for him. He shouldn't have to go anywhere for hours yet, and he plans to take shameless advantage of that fact. 

Sirius knows he shouldn't be enjoying this, for a number of reasons, but having Remus in his arms feels _so good_ \- even when he shifts restlessly, a soft whine escaping his throat. Sirius settles him more comfortably against his chest, a soft sigh ruffling his hair, and reaches down with one hand to lace their fingers together. "You're okay," he whispers, soft enough that Remus probably can't even hear it.

Remus tenses up at Sirius's murmur - not because he can hear what Sirius said, but because it changes his breathing pattern into something that, irrationally, starts pissing Remus off. "Be quiet," he mutters, fingers tightening a bit around Sirius's. "Pillows don't talk."

"Oh," Sirius murmurs, and this time the swoop of his stomach is unpleasant. "Sorry."

"Shush," Remus says sharply; he feels a little guilty for almost snapping, so thanks to the hormones still very much in his system, he feels his eyes start to prickle in the way that signals imminent tears. _Oh, fuck,_ Remus despairs. _Not now._

It doesn't help that Sirius' breathing suddenly goes slow and shallow, like he's making a concerted effort not to move or make too much noise. He keeps it up for several long, endless moments, until Remus' own breathing hitches, and then Sirius' fingers squeeze his. "Remus?" he whispers, the word barely more than a soft exhalation.

Remus doesn't reply for a long moment, fighting to get himself under control before mumbling, "'M fine."

"Are you--" Sirius shifts just slightly, peers down at Remus. "You're not fine, you're _crying_."

"Am not," Remus denies, tone petulant. 

"Am I hurting you?" Sirius asks, immediately loosening his hold.

" _No,_ " Remus denies adamantly. "I'm just - tired and sore, and a little crabby."

"Okay," Sirius says. He carefully settles his arms around Remus again, keeping his touch light just in case. "You're okay."

Remus sighs, reaching up to wipe at his face. "Thanks."

* * *

"I swear on Merlin's bollocks," Sirius groans, "if he doesn't stop _bouncing around_ , I'm going to strangle him before Evans even sets foot through the door." The rest of the month has passed largely without incident, and Sirius would much rather end it the same way, but James has dragged them all down into the common room so that he can annoy the whole of Gryffindor with his effervescent cocktail of excitement and nerves. "She's probably just going to hit you with it," Sirius says mildly, if a bit unfairly, his feet kneading gently against Remus' thigh. "As funny as that might be, I really don't see why we have to witness it. You've done a perfect job of getting rejected all by yourself for the past seven--"

"She's coming!" Peter hisses, shutting Sirius up in an instant. Four heads swivel to look at the portrait hole as Evans clambers through, accompanied by some of her friends. She even looks over and gives them a wave, but seems intent on walking straight past them, heading for the staircase to the girls' dormitory.

"Now's your chance, Prongs," Sirius mutters. "Unless you've lost your bottle."

James looks terrified for a split second, but then he plasters on a determined expression, marching up to Lily. "Lily! I - I was wondering if you had a moment?"

"Oh," Lily says, with a gentle smile. "Yes, all right. What do you need?"

"Well, I - I know it's your birthday and I got you something." Contrary to every other time James has said those words, this time he looks genuinely _nervous._

Lily looks surprised, but pleased. "Oh Potter, I hope you didn't go to too much trouble," she says. "I don't even know when your birthday is. Have I missed it already?"

James shakes his head. "It's the end of March, but I don't usually make a huge fuss over it. But! Here," he says, producing a package from where he'd been holding it behind his back. "Happy birthday, Lily."

"Thank you," Lily says, taking the package. It's heavy, and she glances up at him curiously. "Should I open it now, or..?"

James bites his lip. "You can. Or if you're more comfortable not, that's okay, too," he says hastily. 

Lily's smile turns mischievous. "Do you want to see me open it or not, Potter?" she asks.

James can feel his face go hot, and he's sure everyone in the common room is watching them. "I mean, if you're going to just throw it at my head, I'd like to at least see it coming."

"It's quite heavy," Lily teases him, visibly testing the weight of the package. "You're taking your life into your hands, if it's something I might want to throw at you."

"I know how hard you can throw things, and I'm really hoping you'll like this enough not to."

Lily laughs. "Come on," she says, heading over to James' friends. "Shift, Black, let me sit down with this." Sirius jumps up off the couch so that she can sit next to Remus with only minimal grumbling, and all four boys watch with thinly-veiled fascination as Lily rips into the wrapping paper. " _Oh_ ," she sighs, when the record player is finally revealed. "James. It's... beautiful."

James blinks, then beams. "That's the first time you've called me James," he grins. "You like it?"

"I love it," Lily says, looking up to beam right back at him. "I can't wait to take it home and use it."

"Well, that's just it," James explains excitedly. "You can play it here."

"But electricity doesn't work at Hogwarts," Lily says, stunned. "What did you do?"

"I had to get McGonagall's help," he admits. "But I noticed she had one in her office, and she agreed to show me the charm. Took a while to get it right."

Lily actually looks a bit emotional. "Thank you so much," she says, achingly sincere. "I've really missed music while I've been here. This is _perfect_ , James."

James's smile is small and sincere as he says, "You're welcome."

Remus gives them a moment to stare at each other before he clears his throat. "James told me what he was doing and I got you a couple of records," he says, handing over his own smaller package with a smile. "Thought you wouldn't have any here."

Lily grins, pulls him into a hug. "Thank you, Remus," she says, before turning back to James with a look that's almost shy. "Would you like to listen to something with me?"

It takes a moment for the implication to sink in, and then James nods so hard and fast he's almost surprised that his head doesn't pop off. "Yes! I mean, yes. I'd like that."

Lily smiles, gestures for James to take the record player from her. "Then let's find somewhere more quiet, shall we?"

James beams. "Yeah," he says, taking the record player carefully. "Lead the way."

"Wow," Peter breathes as they watch Lily clamber back through the portrait hole, this time with James in tow.

"Did that actually work?" Sirius asks, incredulous.

"I think it did," Remus says with a grin. "Finally."

"Wow," Peter says again, and Sirius grins.

"If he manages to behave himself tonight, he might actually get her to go out with him."

"After the way he's been acting the past several months, I'd say that he is definitely capable of behaving himself," Remus agrees, still smiling. "I'm glad."

"Me too," Sirius says, with a soft smile just for Remus. "Maybe there's hope for the four of us yet."

* * *

Two days later, however, Remus finds himself thinking maybe there isn't as much as hope as Sirius had thought. The day had started off normally enough, but when the five of them - Lily walking next to James, and while they aren't holding hands Remus can tell it's only a matter of time - walk into the Great Hall, it's immediately obvious that something's happened. Every eye turns to them, and Remus feels his heart rate pick up as murmurs start rippling through the students. "Can you hear what they're saying?" he asks Sirius, voice low.

"Nah," Sirius says casually, although it's clear he's unsettled. "Probably just gossiping about those two." He gestures to Lily and James, who are walking just ahead of them. "It is a bloody miracle, after all."

Just as Sirius finishes speaking, though, Mary McDonald detaches herself from the Gryffindor table and hurries up to meet them before they can reach it. Lily greets her, but Mary ignores her in favour of walking right up to Remus. "Listen," she says, looking vaguely harassed. "The Slytherins came out with something truly awful this morning, and obviously we all know it's ridiculous, but I wouldn't want you to hear it from one of them. They're saying..." She trails off, bites her lip. "They're saying you're a girl."

Remus's eyes widen as all the blood drains from his face. "They're what?"

"That you're a girl," Mary repeats. "You know, that you have..." She gestures vaguely to her own chest, and then lower down.

Beside Remus, Sirius lets out a bark of laughter. "Right!" he chortles. "I thought Slytherins were supposed to be the cunning ones - what kind of idiot came up with that?"

Remus can't help the way his gaze cuts across the Great Hall to the Slytherin table - and to one member of that House in particular. There's a look of dark satisfaction on Snape's face, and Remus doesn't even hear what James and Peter are saying, his heart beating fast and loud enough to drown them out before he turns on his heel and bolts back the way they just came. 

"Remus?" Sirius asks, noticing a second too late that Remus is moving. "Remus!" But he's gone, leaving the rest of them to gape after him in shock. "What was that about? He can't think we'd _believe_ it; it's mental; it's..." But he trails off when he catches sight of Lily's face, and his jaw drops. "It's _true?_ "

"Shut your mouth, Black," Lily snaps, more vicious than she's been with him in months. "If you say one more word, I'll hex your balls off and _feed them to you_." Sirius has no doubt that she means it, and he turns to watch her as she hurries out of the Great Hall in pursuit of his best friend.

After several long moments, his gaze seeks Prongs', and he's mildly relieved to see that James looks just as confounded as he feels. "I think I'm going to be sick."

* * *

Lily catches sight of Remus just as he disappears through the main doors, and even though she loses him soon after, she knows where he's headed. She slows her pace, not wanting to crowd him too soon, and heads down towards the Black Lake.

It was here where she'd first realised the truth, on the last day of the summer term in third year when the weather had been scorching and he'd been the only boy who hadn't stripped down to his pants and jumped into the water. She'd suspected before that, of course, but here was her confirmation, and later that night when she'd sneaked out to sit on the bank, thinking about Severus and the summer and wondering if maybe this year she'd be able to make him see how awful he was being, she'd heard splashing in the lake. It hadn't taken her long to find the pile of robes, to work out who was out for a late night swim, and when he finally emerged she'd held his towel out in front of her so that she couldn't see his body, and he'd taken it from her, wrapped it around himself under his arms, and begged her not to tell anyone. Of course, she never had, and now as she approaches the lake once more she knows the answer to one more of her questions from that night: Severus is completely beyond redemption now.

"I'll kill him for you, if you'd like," she says lightly as she sits herself down next to Remus. It's cold, the grass still frosty and parts of the lake frozen over, but neither of them feel it.

Remus is helpless against the short laugh that bursts from his chest at Lily's offer. "While I'd appreciate it, I really don't want to take a chance on you getting sent to Azkaban," he says, voice rough. He's not crying, still too much in shock for that, but he's not entirely certain of anything else he might be feeling. "I just - Why? _How?_ I thought Dumbledore made him swear not to reveal anything he'd seen."

"I don't know," Lily murmurs. "There isn't much I understand about him anymore. Except..." Guilt wells in her throat. "It could have been to hurt me."

Remus blinks at her. "But why would revealing _that_ hurt you?" he asks, confused. 

"Because you're my best friend," Lily tells him, "and I chose James over him."

"And he probably thinks you didn't know about me," Remus mutters, running a hand through his hair. 

"Yes," Lily says. "Remus, I'm so sorry. I had no idea that he would ever dream of doing something like this; I thought..."

Remus sighs. "It's not your fault, Lil. It's all on him - and maybe a little on Sirius, for goading him into following us last year. But it's still mostly on Snape, because he made the decision to talk about this."

Lily shakes her head, swallows her seething rage and desperate guilt. "What are you going to do?" she asks softly.

"Take a little bit, get my head on straight," is Remus's answer. "Then maybe go back in and hex Snivellus to the moon."

Lily shudders. "Don't do that," she begs him. "Don't call him that. That's not you, Remus; what he's done is utterly _disgusting_ , but don't stoop to his level."

Remus frowns, reaching out to flick a pebble into the lake. He sighs after a moment. "You're right," he admits. "I shouldn't. Doesn't change the fact that I want to hex his face off."

"Most people seem to think it's a joke," Lily reminds him gently. "Retaliating like that would only show them otherwise."

Remus huffs. "Why do you have to be so logical?"

"Because I love you and I hate to see you like this," Lily tells him.

Remus smiles, leaning over to rest his head on Lily's shoulder. After a moment he tenses and pulls back, expression tight. "I'm going to have to tell the others, though."

Lily takes a breath. "They already know," Lily tells him. "At least, they know there's some truth in what's being said. Your reaction sort of gave it away."

Remus winces. "Right. So I guess I need to just explain the truth, then."

"Yeah," Lily says. "But there's no rush. I've already threatened to hex Black into oblivion."

Remus winces again. "Was he - "

"I don't know," Lily tells him, and she hates that she has no reassurances to offer. "I came after you before he'd gotten past the shock."

Remus nods, then hesitates. "Could you - I don't want to have this conversation in front of the whole House. Could you ask him to come down here?"

"I will," Lily says, putting her arm around Remus' waist. "But I don't want to leave you just yet."

Remus can't help but smile, leaning against Lily again. "I'm not complaining."

* * *

Meanwhile, James and Sirius have returned to their dormitory, and haven't spoken the whole way up. They don't speak for several minutes after the door closes behind them, either, but eventually James breaks the silence. "You think it's true?"

"It must be," Sirius says, feeling numb. "And I mean, a lot of things make sense, don't they?"

"They kind of do," James admits. "But Moony doesn't _look_ like a girl."

"Well, that's because he's not," Peter says. "Is he?"

"You heard what McDonald said," Sirius says sharply.

"If Snivellus is right, he's got the bits," James agrees. 

"But what does that _mean?_ " Sirius complains. "Why is he a he if he's a girl?"

"Well... I don't know," James says, worried. "I mean, Remus has been a he since we met, so..."

"I just don't understand," Sirius says, not for the first time. "Why didn't he tell us?"

James shrugs helplessly. "I don't know. I mean, it's not any worse than the furry little problem - is it?"

"I don't know," Sirius says. "The werewolf thing was done to him. I don't even know what this is."

"Well, it's not normal, no matter what it is," James replies. "How many birds going around pretending to be blokes, or vice versa?"

"Does it matter?" Peter asks, sounding frustrated. "Whether he's a she or not, he's still _Remus_."

"Of course it matters! Why's a girl in the _boys'_ dormitory?"

"No," Sirius says, staring at James. "Wormtail's right. It doesn't matter what he is; he's our friend."

"I'm not saying Remus isn't, but it doesn't make you uncomfortable that a girl's been in our dorm for years?"

"We don't know that, though," Sirius realises. "We don't know anything except what the Slytherins are saying, and when have they ever been completely honest? The only person who can explain this to us is Moony."

"He ran off," James says, a little worried. That definitely isn't like Moony. "Who knows where he is?"

"I don't know," Sirius says, already reaching for his cloak. "But I'm going to go and look for him. Are you coming?"

James hesitates, but shakes his head. "No, I - I don't think so."

Sirius' lip curls. "Fine," he snaps. "Peter?"

"You should go alone," Peter says, with a pointed look for James. "But tell him what I said - that he's still just Remus to me."

"I will," Sirius promises, already heading for the door. "Thanks, Pete."

* * *

When Lily does leave Remus by the lake, she heads straight back for the castle, intent on finding Sirius - only to be nearly bowled over by him in the main hall. "Black!"

"Oh thank Merlin," Sirius sighs. "Evans. I've been looking everywhere for Remus - have you seen... her?"

Lily glares at Sirius. " _He_ is down by the lake. And for some reason, he wants to talk to you. Alone."

"He does?" Sirius looks painfully hopeful. "Okay. All right, I'll go to him. Evans-- Lily. What do I do?"

"Well, you don't call him a girl," Lily says sharply, but her posture has softened. "He's hurting, and he's about to go through something arguably worse than becoming a werewolf, if the rest of the school decides to take these claims seriously. He needs his friends, Sirius. More than that, he needs people who believe _him._ "

"All right," Sirius says, nodding. "That's why I'm looking for him. I want to hear this from him; I want to understand."

Lily sighs. "Good. Just - make sure you listen, okay? _Really_ listen."

"I will," Sirius promises. "He's-- Lily, he's so important to me."

"I know," Lily says quietly. "That's the only reason I'm not threatening you again."

"Thank you," Sirius says, chancing a smile. "I'll see you later, okay?"

Lily gives Sirius a nod. "Might be a bit longer. I've got some rumors to trace."

Sirius looks grim. "You find out who did it, make sure you leave enough of them for me to have a go at."

"No promises."

There's not much Sirius can say to that, so he lets Lily go on her way and heads down towards the lake, trying to steel himself for whatever's coming.

When Remus comes into view, sitting hunched over his own knees on the frosty grass, Sirius thinks distantly that he's never seen him look smaller - not even when they told him they knew he was a werewolf. Sirius lets his footsteps crunch heavily across the grass, not wanting to catch him unawares, and then sinks to the ground beside him. "Evans told me where to look," he says, not looking at Remus, not yet. "Can we talk?"

Remus's voice, when he answers, is as small as he looks. "Sure."

Sirius' breath shakes a little as he releases it. "Is it true?"

"Physically."

"Okay," Sirius says slowly. "What does that mean?"

"It means my body isn't - it doesn't match. It's a girl's body."

"But you're... not a girl?" Sirius asks. He shakes his head, his gaze still on the dark water of the lake. As if sensing his attention, it ripples gently. "I don't understand."

Remus sighs. " _I've_ always been a bloke, for as long as I've been able to understand the difference. Even before that, too, I guess. But my body never matched."

"Oh," Sirius says. "Are you... are you sure?"

"Yes. I kicked up a fuss every time my parents tried to make me wear girls' clothing or called me by my birth name. They realized I was serious, changed my name and bought new clothes for me, and while they still don't quite understand it, they trust me to know myself, so they don't protest it. Being referred to as female, it just - it's _wrong._ Like if I started insisting you were a unicorn."

"Okay," Sirius says, nodding. "I don't... I don't understand, exactly, but I believe you."

Remus smiles for the first time since Lily left. "Thank you. That means a lot."

Sirius lets that settle with both of them before he takes a breath and turns to face Remus at last. "So," he says, "how does this work? No offence, but you... you _look_ like a boy. There's no way it's just a haircut and trousers."

"Glamour, partly. To keep people from looking too close, and if they do to think I look more masculine," Remus confesses. "The rest is a - it's like a vest, it's tight enough that my chest doesn't... stick out."

"Oh," Sirius says, quite unable to help the way his gaze roams curiously over Remus' body before returning to his face. "And you wear that and cast a glamour every day? _All_ day?"

"Not _all_ day; it's why I've been such all stickler for changing out of sight, and only right before I go to bed. You can only keep a glamour going for so long, and it's not healthy to bind all day."

"Wow, Remus that's... really impressive. It takes a lot of control to keep a glamour going so long."

Remus's lips quirk. "I've had a lot of practice. Started using them because of the scars."

"Still," Sirius says, "that's pretty amazing. But don't you need permission to use glamours so much?"

"Yeah," Remus confirms. "But again - the scarring from all those full moons alone is extensive. Wasn't hard convincing the Ministry to allow it."

"Does the Ministry know why you're using them now?"

"Had to get permission from them," Remus points out. "They wouldn't let Mum and Dad change my gender when they changed my name, but by then I was already using glamours, so after a lot of fighting, they allowed a small addition to the glamour spell I use. It's only a suggestion, and a mild one at that, but since it doesn't actually hurt anyone..."

"That makes sense," Sirius says, thinking. "So, Dumbledore must know as well, yeah? And McGonagall? Otherwise you wouldn't be allowed in the boys' dormitory."

Remus nods. "Dumbledore's actually the reason I got the special permission in the first place," he confides. "And Madam Pomfrey knows - and Lily."

"Yeah, I worked that out, actually," Sirius says bitterly, the betrayal he feels plain on his face.

Remus sighs. "She was already my friend, and Madam Pomfrey recommended I confide in a female friend in case of... emergencies. Lily had already figured it out, anyway. I just confirmed it for her."

"So who else knew?" Sirius asks, rather than voice the question he really wants to know the answer to. "How did the Slytherins get hold of it? Surely Evans didn't tell anyone."

Remus hesitates, but he can't lie to Sirius. "Snape. He must have seen more than just the wolf that night at the Willow."

Sirius makes a sound like he's been punched in the gut, and he reaches out instinctively, grips Remus' hands. "Moony," he rasps. "I'm so sorry. I can't-- I didn't _know_ ; I didn't _think_ \--"

Remus twists his hands until he can grip Sirius's hands, giving them a squeeze. "You're right, you didn't - and I already forgave you for that stupid stunt. Lily and I thought Dumbledore had sworn him to silence about what he'd seen, but he must have found a way around it."

"I hate him," Sirius spits, suddenly vicious. "I'll _kill_ him for this."

"Not if Lily beats you to it," Remus points out. "And she's far more likely to get away with it. Besides, I need you here, not locked up in Azkaban."

Sirius meets Remus' gaze, something unreadable in his eyes. "Yeah?"

Remus swallows, nods. "Yeah."

Sirius squeezes Remus' hands. "Okay," he says. He hesitates. "Is there anything I can do, to help or... Just, anything?"

"Just - stand by me," Remus requests, voice tired. 

"Always," Sirius promises.

Remus smiles then, his first full one since walking into the Great Hall. "Thank you," he says sincerely; after a moment’s hesitation, he asks, "What about Wormtail and Prongs?"

Sirius sighs. "I don't know," he says honestly. "Prongs is... he's lost the plot a bit. He's not angry, I don't think, just confused. But Wormtail seems fine. He said that you're still the same bloke we've known all these years, and he's right."

Remus sighs. "At least he's not angry," he murmurs. "I get that this is hard to understand, and I wish it could've come out differently." 

"Would you have ever told us, though?" Sirius asks, and the betrayal is back.

"I was going to tell you soon," Remus confesses. "I didn't... I'd been trying to get up the courage to. This isn't exactly like saying I fancy blokes just as much as birds."

"It's none of our business, I suppose," Sirius says, though he still sounds upset.

Remus bites his lip, giving Sirius's hands, still in his, a squeeze. "I've always been this way, but it's not terribly common, Sirius. Even Muggles don't have many people like me, and you know how they outnumber us. That makes it harder to explain, when you know hardly anyone is going to understand."

"But I want to understand," Sirius insists. "I want to help."

"I don't know that I have the words to explain it right," Remus admits. "I just - I _know_ I'm a boy. My body doesn't agree, so I did everything I can to make it match."

"And I believe you," Sirius says. "And I still want to help. You're my _best friend_ , Moony."

Remus hates the way his eyes prickle and his throat goes tight as he says, "You're mine, too."

Remus isn't the only one affected; Sirius sniffles, and releases Remus' hands only so he can open his arms. "Come here," he says roughly.

Remus doesn't hesitate, all but throwing himself at Sirius so that he can wrap his arms around Sirius, pressing close and burying his face in Sirius's chest. 

They stay like that for a long moment, just holding each other, until the cold starts to seep into their bones and Sirius has to pull back. "I think my arse is numb," he confides, "so yours must be about to fall off." He offers Remus a tentative smile. "You ready to face the others?"

Remus's laugh is a bit wet. "Yeah, I guess this conversation is going to have to be done sooner or later."

"I can stay with you, back you up if he starts being a tit," Sirius offers. "Or we can get Evans."

Remus bites his lip, hesitating. "I'd feel better with both of you."

"Okay," Sirius says. "We can do that." He gets to his feet, offers Remus a hand. "You coming?"

Remus smiles, taking the offered hand. "Yeah. I'm coming."

They don't let go until they reach the Gryffindor common room, and then only because they need both hands to clamber through the portrait hole. A hush falls over the room when Remus appears, not total silence but enough to make it awkward, but the other students seem to collect themselves enough to stop staring after a moment or two. Annoyed, Sirius grabs Remus' hand again and marches him through the room; Lily follows them without needing to be asked, and together they head up to the boys' dormitory.

James and Peter can hear Sirius stomping up the stairs, and they glance at each other wordlessly before turning to the door. Sirius is the first one through, followed by Remus and then Lily. Silence reigns for a moment before James tentatively asks, "Are you okay?"

Remus gives him A Look. "Really. You're asking me _that?_ "

James has the grace to wince. "Right. Stupid question."

"Remus is ready to talk, explain things a bit," Sirius says, glaring at James. "And I swear, Prongs, if you're an arsehole about it, I'll throw you out of that window with my bare hands."

James swallows and nods. "Okay," he says; he recognizes Sirius's posture, and knows that the other boy means every word of his threat. 

Remus gives Sirius a small, thankful smile, and then he turns back to James and Peter. "I am a boy," he starts, tone careful, "but I was born with a girl's body. No one really knows why it happens, but it's not common. It's rare even among Muggles."

"But how do you know you're a boy?" Peter asks. "If you were born a girl, how do you know you're not one?"

Remus raises an eyebrow. "How do you know you're not a unicorn?" he counters. "Or a goblin, or a house elf? Or anything other than what you are?"

"Because I'm not," Peter says. "But I was born a human boy; that's what I am."

"And if someone turned you into a goblin tomorrow, would you feel any different?" Sirius challenges.

"Of course not!"

"What if you'd been born one?"

Peter hesitates. "I-- I don't know."

Remus lays a hand on Sirius's arm. "The _point_ is that I know. It's something I’ve always known."

"Okay," Peter says, nodding. "If you say so."

"But how do you know what being a boy feels like if you were born a girl?" James asks, confused. 

"Trial and error," Remus answers with a shrug. "I knew being treated like a girl wasn't right, but when I was treated like a boy, I felt like my skin fit."

"We've known him for nearly seven years," Sirius points out. "Have you ever thought before now that he's not a bloke?"

"Well, no, but Moony's been hiding this from us! Why would Dumbledore let someone like you into the boys' dorm?"

Remus glares at James. "Because I _am_ a boy, Potter," he grits out. 

"Wind your neck in, Prongs," Sirius growls. "Listen to what he's saying. We don't choose where we sleep; Dumbledore and McGonagall put him in here."

"But if he's a girl, then why - "

"He's _not_ a girl!" Sirius thunders. "He is a _he_ , and if you really can't get your head around that then you don't have to stay here, Potter! You can take it to Dumbledore and explain to him why you've been kicked out of your own dormitory!"

Startled, James looks at Sirius, eyes wide. "Sirius - "

"No," Remus says, expression hard. "He's right. I'm not going to put up with someone who's supposed to be my _friend_ treating me like this, Potter. It won't be just Dumbledore or McGonagall you'll be seeing; keep it up and you'll get a trip to Madam Pomfrey, too."

"Get your head out of your arse, Potter," Sirius growls. "And get the fuck out of my sight."

James glances around, but even Peter doesn't look sympathetic. Wisely, he decides to do what Sirius says. Remus watches him go, then blows out a harsh breath. "Well. That could've gone better."

"He'll come around," Lily says, taking Remus' hand. "It'll be okay."

Remus's smile is weak. "I hope so."

* * *

Things are tense for the next few days. The boys let James back into the dormitory, but they barely speak to him, and Lily ignores him entirely - until she realises that James isn't going to fix this himself.

The majority of Gryffindor have accepted the news about Remus at face value and are unconcerned with understanding the specifics; Remus has always been kind and fair, especially as a prefect, and they trust in that more than they trust in any Slytherin maliciousness. The rest of the school seems content to dismiss the rumours as a joke; by the end of the first week, it's only a select few Slytherins who insist on talking about it. The fact that there's an obvious rift between James and the others isn't helping matters, however, causing some to speculate where they would normally have forgotten all about the issue, and upsetting Remus. They all miss each other, that's obvious, but Remus is the most distressed; he can't bear to lose a friend over this, and Lily knows that something needs to be done. Remus shouldn't have to make the first move, and if James is too proud to do it himself, well. Lily will have to see about that.

"You're being a right tosser, you know," she calls, hurrying down the staircase after James, who has just left Gryffindor Tower for quidditch practice. "You need to talk to him."

Any other time James would be jumping for joy that Lily is voluntarily speaking to him. "Well, I'm running late to practice, so I can't do it right this minute," he points out, defensive. "Besides, I don't think Remus wants to talk to me."

"Don't you think your best friends are more important than a silly sport?" Lily demands hotly. "Remus does want to talk to you, of course he does, but only if you're willing to remove your head from your arse long enough to do so!"

"He threatened to send me to the hospital wing and hasn't looked at me since," James retorts, coming to a stop so he can glare balefully at Lily. "That doesn't sound like he wants to talk to me."

"Oh, he has looked at you since," Lily tells him. "Every time _you_ haven't been looking at _him_. I'd think he was pining after a lost love if I didn't know--" She cuts herself off. "Never mind. The point is, he misses you. They all do. He threatened to hurt you last time because you were hurting him, can't you see that?"

James sucks in a deep breath and lets it out harshly. "I just - I don't understand it, Lily."

Lily's expression softens. "I know you don't," she says. "I don't think any of us can ever truly understand it, because we're all comfortable in the skin we were born in. But, does it have to matter? You're not ever going to have a vested interest in the contents of Remus' trousers, are you?"

James hesitates, but shakes his head in the negative. "No. I don't have any interest in Remus like that."

"I thought not," Lily says with a smile. "So is it really so difficult to accept what he's telling you; to see him the way you've always seen him?"

James rubs the back of his neck. "I - I guess not."

"Are you sure?" Lily presses. "This is really important, James. I'm not sending you back up there if you're going to hurt his feelings again."

James takes a moment to think about it, and then he nods. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure."

"All right then," Lily says, looking pleased. "Off you go."

James gives Lily a nervous smile before he darts back towards the portrait hole. 

* * *

He'd grabbed the map he and the others had been working on since their third year from its spot in his bedside table - _No,_ he did not just keep it there so he could stare at Lily's marker for hours on end, thank you, Padfoot - and after activating the actual map, taps it with his wand, murmuring the incantation that erases all markers except for the one he's looking for. Fixing Remus's location in his mind - near McGonagall's classroom, which knowing what they did now, was not a surprise - James takes off. 

What is a surprise is the fact that Remus has been cornered by a couple of Slytherins. Mulciber and Avery, two of the little group that called themselves Death Eaters, have Remus literally cornered, and James doesn't need to hear what they're saying to understand it's bad; Remus is doing his best to glare at them, but he's also pale, paler than James has ever seen him get outside of a full moon. 

Protective anger surges in his chest, and James may have been a dick the past few days, but Moony is still his friend. "Oi!" he calls, stalking forward until he can grab Mulciber, the smaller of the two, by the back of his robes and haul him out of the way. "What do you wankers think you're doing?"

"Shove off, Potter," Mulciber sneers. "This is nothing to do with you."

"Actually yeah, it does," James retorts, putting himself between Remus and the Slytherins. "He's my friend, and if you want to mess with him, then I get to mess with you."

"Oh," Avery laughs. "So that's how it is? Knight in shining quidditch robes come to rescue his _girlfriend_."

"Remus is twice the man either of you will ever be," James snaps, his wand in his hand. "Especially after I hex your balls into the stratosphere."

Both of the boys laugh this time, but uncertainty flickers behind their eyes. "You're joking," Mucliber spits. "You're really going to stand there and defend _that?_ "

now."

Avery takes a step back, and though Mulciber stands his ground, he's the one who scoffs, "Whatever. I could kick your arse any day, Potter, but as it stands I don't really feel like it right now. Come on, Avery."

They don't run, but they're still gone in a matter of seconds. James stares after them for a moment, to make sure they're really gone as much as to brace himself, before he finally turns to Remus. "You all right, mate?"

Remus blows out a shaky breath. "Yeah. Did you - did you mean it?"

"Which part?" James asks, but he's smiling. He sighs. "'Course I did, Moony."

Remus returns the smile. "Thanks," he says quietly, taking a step forward. "So, you're okay with this?"

James nods. "I don't get it," he says. "I'm never going to get it. But you're my friend."

Remus's smile grows. "That's all I need."

"I'm really sorry, Remus," James tells him, looking pained. "I know I've been an arsehole."

"You going to keep being one?"

"I'm going to try not to be," James offers.

Remus grins. "That's good enough," he says, reaching out to tug James in close for a hug. 

James returns the hug, beyond grateful, and then pulls back to run an assessing gaze over Remus. "You okay?" he asks. "They didn't hurt you, did they?"

Remus shakes his head. "Just words. They hadn't done anything more before you showed up."

"All right," James says. "Did you need to see McGonagall, or shall we go back up to the Tower?"

Remus shakes his head. "I already saw her, and this close to her room she probably heard it all anyway. Let's - Wait. Shouldn't you be in quidditch practice?"

James shakes his head. "Some things are more important, y'know?"

Remus's answering smile is soft. "I'm glad I'm one of those things."

"Of course, Moony," James says, throwing an arm around Remus' shoulders. "Come on. Let's find the others."

* * *

They start and end in the common room; Sirius, Peter, and Lily are all waiting for them when they climb through the portrait hole. "Oh. Well, that was easy," Remus says with a laugh. 

"Where have you been? Are you all right?" Peter asks, clearly worried and giving James a slightly suspicious look as he speaks to Remus. 

"I'm fine," Remus reassures the three of them; sharing a glance with James, he adds, " _We're_ fine."

"Oh, thank Merlin," Sirius sighs, jumping up. He thumps James in the shoulder, hard, and then drags him into a fierce hug. "That's for making me think I was going to have to beat you up," he tells him. "You _wanker_."

"Yeah, I was," James admits easily, returning the hug just as fiercely. "I'm going to try not to be anymore. Not about Remus, anyway."

"Good," Sirius says, stepping back. He winks at Remus. "Told you he'd get over himself."

Remus rolls his eyes, but he's got an indulgent smile on his face. "Yeah, you did," he concedes. 

"I'm really glad," Lily says, with a pleased smile just for James. "Maybe now things can start getting back to normal around here."

Remus and James share a look. "Except for the fact that the Slytherins are still being dicks."

"What do you mean?" Sirius asks sharply, while fire blazes in Lily's eyes.

" _Which_ Slytherins?"

"Mulciber and Avery," James answers. 

"Those bastards," Sirius hisses. "I'll kill them."

"You won't need to," Lily says. She's on her feet suddenly, pocketing her wand and striding purposefully from the room.

Sirius watches her go, a look of awe on his face. "I've never much cared for birds," he says mildly, "but I think I know what you see in her, Prongs."

James grins, but Remus can see he's a bit worried. "What can I say? I like a girl who can out-magic me."

* * *

It doesn't take Lily long to find the boy she's looking for. She hasn't spoken to Severus Snape in nearly two years, but if there's ever going to be a good reason to break her silence, this is it. He's with Mulciber and Avery and their other Death Eater friends, because they're never apart these days, but she squares her shoulders and walks right up to him anyway. "Severus," she says, her tone perfectly civil. "I was wondering if I could have a word."

Snape is clearly surprised that Lily's speaking to him, but he quickly schools his expression into something pleasantly neutral. "Of course."

Lily gives Severus' friends a pointed glance. "Alone?"

Snape gives them a look as well before moving a decent ways away. "Good?" he asks; at one point it hadn't been awkward at all, talking with Lily. But now, he feels wrong-footed, especially with the anger he can recognize smoldering in her gaze. 

"Better," Lily allows. "Severus, I know it was you who told everyone about Remus. What were you _thinking?_ How could you?"

Snape's expression cools as much as his voice. "I was thinking it was bad enough that Dumbledore let a monster like Lupin in, but for that monster to be a _freak_ as well? That's a bit too far, Lil."

"Don't call me that, please," Lily says, just as coolly. "You've known for a year and you've kept quiet about it until now. What changed? We're leaving in a few months and then you'll never have to see him again."

"What changed is I finally found a way around Dumbledore's restrictions," Snape answers hotly. "And I've only known since that _blood traitor_ nearly got me killed."

"This isn't hurting Sirius," Lily insists, an edge of desperation creeping into her voice, "and it isn't hurting _me_ , Severus, whatever you may think. Remus is innocent; he never asked for any of the things you're punishing him for, and he _doesn't_ deserve this."

Snape frowns. "You _knew?_ " he hisses. "You knew that Lupin was a freak and a monster, and you _still_ stayed friends with him and those - those - "

"Don't," Lily cuts him off, looking stricken. "Severus, please. This isn't you. Remus has never done anything to you, and neither have I. Just stop this - please? Tell Mulciber and the others to leave Remus alone. I think it's the least you can do."

"The least _I_ can do?" Snape demands. "Are you so desperate to get in Potter's bed that you've forgotten everything they've done?"

Lily flushes with rage. " _Remus_ has done nothing," Lily snaps. "You know, I knew what you were becoming, Severus, but even then I never thought you would stoop so low. You're _pathetic_ , and yes, whatever you think of either of them, I'm proud to say that Remus and James are my friends. I'd much rather be friends with them than with you."

Snape can feel his face go red, and his hands clench into fists at his sides. "So you'd join them, the ones who have been _tormenting_ me for years? Lupin isn't even human, Black is a blood traitor and an arsehole, Pettigrew has no future, and Potter is stuck so far up his own arse he can see out of his mouth!"

"Think whatever you want of them," Lily says, "but they're good people - which is more than I can say for you. Are you going to do as I ask or not?"

"No," Snape bites out. "I'm not wrong about Lupin, and I'm not going to say I was."

"Then I'll tell them, shall I?" Lily asks. "I'll tell them exactly what I'll do to them if they don't leave him alone."

"You'll just be inviting trouble, and they won't listen."

"Then make them listen, Severus," Lily hisses. "For once in your life, be something other than a spineless _slimeball_ and do the right thing!"

That earns a glare. "No," Snape snaps, covering the hurt in his chest with anger. "And a _mudblood_ like you isn't welcome here, so I think it's time you leave, Evans."

Lily's wand is in her hand in a flash. There's a loud _bang_ , and Snape flies backwards, stopping abruptly just shy of hitting the opposite wall; a second later and he's on the ceiling, stuck fast like a fly in glue. "Good luck getting yourself down from there," she says snidely. "Nice talking to you, Snivellus."

* * *

"So," Lily says when she finally gets back to the common room, flopping down on the sofa next to James looking flushed but pleased with herself. "I have detention for the rest of the week, but it was worth it."

"Lily Jasmine Evans," Remus says slowly, watching Lily warily, "what did you do?"

"I hexed Snape," Lily says proudly. "Right up to the ceiling."

Remus just blinks while James grins. "That's a girl," he says proudly. "Bet he deserved it, right?"

"He said some really awful things about all of you," Lily tells them. "And he called me a mudblood again."

"He fucking _what?_ " James snarls, hands clenching into fists on his lap. 

"Leave it," Lily sighs. "I've dealt with it, and if he has any sense he won't bother any of us again."

Remus raises an eyebrow. "Who've you got detention with, anyway?"

"Just McGonagall," Lily says. "She walked past just in time to see me sticking him to the ceiling."

"Oh, she'll go easy on you," Sirius says with a grin. "Have you ever had detention before, Evans?"

Lily blushes. "Well, no."

James grins while Remus and Peter laugh. "She'll probably just tell you to sit and think about what you've done," Remus chuckles. 

"Maybe some lines," Peter adds, grinning. 

"Well, like I said," Lily says, looking at Remus. "It was worth it. I'm only sorry I couldn't make him agree to keep his so-called friends away from you."

Remus gives her a reassuring smile. "Well, I've got actual friends on my side, so I think I'll be okay."

"'Course you will be," Sirius says. "And we're all fucking brilliant, so what else do you need?"

"Friends with a bit of humility might be nice," Remus shoots back.

Sirius just laughs. "But then you'd be bored."

Remus rolls his eyes, but can't hide the fond smile crossing his lips. "Probably."

* * *

A few days later finds Sirius and James alone in the dormitory, James playing with his snitch while Sirius tries to study. Eventually, James manages to corral the snitch into nearly colliding with Sirius's head, and grins unrepentantly when Sirius glares at him. "I need to talk to you, anyway," James says. "Put your book away."

"Knew I should have gone to the library with Moony," Sirius complains, but he does as he's told. "What do you want?"

"You talk to Moony yet?"

"About what?" Sirius asks.

"Stupidity doesn't actually suit you, Padfoot," James says, unimpressed. 

Sirius huffs, glares at him. "Well, no," he says. "It's hardly the right time, is it?"

"Do you not fancy him anymore?"

"What?" Sirius asks. "Why would you ask me that?"

"Because you're being a pansy," James says matter-of-factly. 

" _What?_ "

"You. Are being. A pansy," James repeats slowly. "Honestly, Sirius, I know I was a twat about finding out about Remus's history, but if that's why you're not saying anything to him now then I'm going to chuck you off the astronomy tower."

"Of course it's not!" Sirius snaps, affronted - but then he hesitates. "Well. It's not the _only_ reason."

James folds his arms over his chest, looking at Sirius with a raised eyebrow. "Explain."

"It doesn't change how I feel about him, if that's what you're getting at," Sirius says. "It just, it complicates matters, doesn't it?"

"Maybe if you two get to the more physical side of a relationship," James admits. "But just telling Remus you fancy him, this doesn't complicate that, does it?"

"That was already complicated to begin with," Sirius reminds him. "What if he doesn't want me? What if he doesn't want anyone? I can't lose him, Prongs."

James gives Sirius a gentle swat upside the head. "You won't lose him," he says firmly. "He's our friend, Pads, and we're his. He's not going anywhere. Things might be a bit weird, yeah, if he doesn't feel the same, but the two of you will get past it."

"So then what's the point in telling him?" Sirius asks. "He's got a mouth, and he hasn't said anything. Why make things awkward when in all likelihood he doesn't feel the same?"

"Have you ever thought that maybe he's thinking the same thing?" James asks shrewdly. "You've got a mouth, too, and you're rather fond of using it."

"I've cuddled him in his bed," Sirius points out, "on more than one occasion. Would you do that?"

James shrugs. "If he needed comfort or we were cold, yeah. So would Peter. But he always seeks _you_ out when he's distressed and you weren't the one to cause it."

"And I let him," Sirius says. "I seek him out, too. If that isn't enough to give him a clue then he isn't looking for one."

James sighs. "We all have things we do more often with only one of the group than the others," he points out. "All I'm hearing out of you are excuses."

"What do you want from me?" Sirius asks. "I can't tell him, James, I just... I _can't_. Knowing what we know about him now, it doesn't change anything. It doesn't change how I feel about him, or how I'll feel when he rejects me."

James huffs. "Look, I can't make you do anything without using an Unforgivable, which you know I'd never do. But honestly? I still think you're being a pansy, Sirius. And I think you've got a better chance with Moony than you believe."

"If that's true then it needs to come from him," Sirius insists. "I don't think he was ever going to tell us the truth. He needs to come to terms with the fact that we know and what that could mean for us in his own time; I wouldn't want to rush him or make him uncomfortable. I'm not going anywhere."

James rolls his eyes. "Fine," he sighs. "Obviously I'm not going to get anywhere with you."

"Try Moony next," Sirius suggests, obviously joking. "Tell me what he says, won't you? Try to find out before History of Magic so I can slip him a note that says 'Be my boyfriend? Tick yes or no'."

James grins, bouncing up and onto his feet. "You know what? I think I will."

He's gone before Sirius can stop him. 

* * *

Lily has just returned to the common room when James comes tearing down the stairs, a wild look in his eyes. "Are you all right?" she asks him, alarmed. "Where are you running off to?"

"Moony! Got to ask him some questions about Sirius because Padfoot's being a coward," James explains, a bit out of breath. "I'm tired of Sirius's mooning - _ha_ \- over Moony."

"So Black does fancy him, then?" Lily asks, suddenly delighted. "I knew it!"

James nods. "Has for a while, but the tosser won't actually _do_ anything about it. Had him convinced to over the hols, when we got back, and then Moon started spouting off about some bloke named Colin."

"Colin?" Lily asks. "You mean his _cousin?_ "

"His _what?_ " James demands. 

"They grew up together," Lily tells him. "Colin is a bit older than us, I think, but he moved away when they were still kids because his mum got a job offer. He came back for a visit over Christmas and is thinking about moving back permanently; Remus was made up. But they're definitely related."

"Well, bugger! If he'd just said this bloke was his _cousin_ \- " James sighs. "Well, does Remus fancy Sirius? Because I am done with Sirius's whinging, and would really like to put an end to the uncertainty. If he's going to mope, he needs a reason."

"Well," Lily says, mischief dancing in her eyes. "I certainly couldn't betray my best friend's confidence. But if you wanted to meddle, I wouldn't put you off."

James drums his fingers against his side, brow creased in thought. "He'd probably get suspicious if I started asking him about how he feels," he admits, clearly reluctant. 

"But not if I do it," Lily says, smug. "What did you want to know?"

Thinking back to Sirius's jest in the dormitory, James's grin widens. "If Sirius were to pass him a note asking if Remus fancied him, or if Remus would like to be _with_ him, what would the chances of him setting the paper on fire be?"

"Well, I already know the answer to that," Lily says. "But Black won't do it, will he?"

James's grin turns into a smirk. "No, but I will."

"No," Lily says. "No, I don't want to _trick_ Remus. If we can get them to come clean on their own, that's the way to go."

James is quiet for a moment, then he sighs. "You're right," he admits. "As usual. They'll probably never quite believe it if we trick them into confessing."

"But we can trick them into spending time together," Lily says, grinning. "We can point out all the things they do that make it so obvious, and keep pushing them in the right direction. It might work."

"That might," James says, growing excited.

"We have to at least try to be subtle, though," Lily warns. "If they work it out or find out we've been talking about them, they'll shut us out."

James nods, expression serious. "Of course. So, what did you have in mind? I've got a couple of ideas of my own."

Lily smiles. "Let's find somewhere to sit down and we can work something out."

* * *

If James and Lily think that Sirius isn't wise to what they're doing, they're far more stupid than he's ever thought. They keep finding excuses to leave him and Remus alone together, and on the rare occasions when they're all in the same room they send him meaningful looks, complete with eyebrow wiggling and pointed nods in Remus' direction. Sirius hasn't exactly been all over Remus lately, quite the opposite in fact, but he can't even look at Remus on those occasions, in case he realises what the other two are about and thinks Sirius put them up to it. It's mortifying, and what's more, their antics are starting to piss him off.

"When are you going to drop it?" Sirius hisses two weeks later when he finally gets James alone in the dormitory. It's Valentine's Day, and when they haven't been enjoying their own celebrations James and Lily have been being particularly awful all day. The final straw came when James informed them both loudly that both he _and_ Peter have dates tonight, so Remus and Sirius will have the dormitory all to themselves; Sirius gave James such a sour look that he went scurrying for the stairs, and Sirius has just followed, fully intending to wring his neck. "It's not going to happen! Just stop before you ruin _everything._ "

"No, _you're_ going to be the one to ruin everything! When was the last time you two touched?" James demands. 

"What does that have to do with it?" Sirius asks, incredulous. "This is about you and Evans being interfering little sods!"

"We're only interfering because you two are being oblivious morons," James hisses back. 

"Fuck off, James," Sirius spits, turning his back on James to emphasis his point. "It's not going to happen!"

"If you'd just man up and _talk_ to him - "

"No! I don't _want_ to talk to him, James, when are you going to get it through your thick skull?"

"I have it on good authority that he wants to talk to you," James counters. 

"What?" Sirius asks, his face screwed up in something akin to disgust. "You're going to have to try harder than that, mate."

"For fuck's sake - Remus wants to shag the bloody pants off of you, you dense wanker!"

"Shut up!" Sirius snaps, whirling to glare at James - and meeting the wide, frightened gaze of a very alarmed werewolf. Sirius suddenly feels very sick. "Remus."

Remus looks from Sirius's nauseous expression to James's wide-eyed one, and makes a decision. Without a word, he turns on his heel and bolts. 

There's a moment of absolute silence, and then Sirius rounds on James. "You imbecile!" he shouts. "You absolute twat! What the _fuck_ did you do that for?!"

"I didn't know he was there!" James protests. "I swear, Sirius, I was just trying to get you to see it's not hopeless."

"Well it looks fucking hopeless now!" Sirius spits. "Thanks a lot. Prat!" As he shoves past James and storms from the room, the only thing he knows is that he isn't going after Remus.

* * *

The next week is _hell._ Lily calls James every name in existence and then invents some, and Sirius and Remus are blatantly avoiding each other as well as him. James doesn't need Lily threatening him to realize it's up to him to fix things, it just takes him a week to corner Remus for long enough to talk to him. 

Remus, for his part, has been avoiding both James and Sirius out of shame and embarrassment; he can clearly recall the look on Sirius's face when he'd looked at Remus, and honestly, he doesn't need anything else. No matter what Lily says to try to convince him otherwise, that look - along with the fact that ever since their conversation by the lake, Sirius hasn't touched him once the way he used to - is damning enough evidence that she’s wrong. Remus doesn't want to hear her or James's excuses, but James doesn't give him a choice in the matter when he manages to block Remus in between a couple of shelves in the library. Remus crosses his arms over his chest defensively, tone short as he bites out, "What do you want, Potter?"

James sighs. "To talk," he says. "If you'll listen?"

Remus's eyes narrow. "Talk fast."

"I'm so sorry," James says in a rush. "I don't know how much you heard, but I shouldn't have betrayed your confidence like that. Especially when it wasn't even information you'd confided in me. But don't blame Lily, please, this is really all my fault. And Sirius', because he's an idiot. But don't take it out on him, either. Whatever you need me to do, I promise, I'll do it. I'm just so sorry."

Remus sighs. "No, it wasn't your place to say anything, and I don't blame Lily - she would never have outright said anything. And I certainly don't blame Sirius; it's not his fault he doesn't return my feelings."

"What?" James groans. "Look, please, would you just talk to him?"

"And say what, exactly?"

"Whatever you want," James sighs. "That, if that's what you really think. But this can't go on, Moony. You're both miserable."

Remus gives him a glare. "We were doing fine until _someone_ opened his mouth."

"You were far from fine," James says bluntly, "and you know it. You need to talk to him."

Remus huffs. "Have you forgotten the fact that he's been avoiding me as well as you?"

"Well, Sirius is a petulant child," James points out. "He wants to talk to you, believe me, but he's too scared that you don't want to talk to him."

"Too scared - why the hell wouldn’t I want to talk to him?"

James sighs. "I think I've been a bit too candid with my friends' secrets lately, don't you?" He shakes his head. "Just talk to him, please."

Remus is quiet for a moment, eyeing James suspiciously, before he gives in with a put-upon sigh. "Very well. Any idea where I can find him?"

James grins and produces the map from a pocket in his robes. "Go on," he says, "before we all lose our minds."

Remus takes the map; he has no idea if he's going to end up regretting this, but James is right. He and Sirius need to talk. 

* * *

He finds Sirius in the Owlery, and hesitates for a few moments, trying to get up the nerve to climb the last few steps. Eventually he talks himself into it, and raps his knuckles against the doorjamb. "Sirius? You in here?" He knows Sirius is, thanks to the map, but it's just polite to ask. 

Sirius pokes his head around a rickety perch playing host to far too many owls, and blinks in surprise. "How'd you find me?" he asks.

"James brought me the map," Remus answers, stepping just inside to get out of the worst of the wind. "Why're you up here?"

"Needed somewhere to think," Sirius says. He moves over to make room on the floor next to him, a silent invitation. "I cast Scourgify before I sat down, don't worry."

Remus hesitates for a heartbeat, but then takes the offered seat with a grateful smile. "Thanks," he murmurs before taking a deep breath. "I think I owe you an apology."

Sirius frowns. "What for?"

"For making things awkward between us," Remus answers, staring at the floor in front of him. 

"That's not your fault," Sirius says, indignant. "If James wasn't such a wanker this would never have happened."

"Something would've happened eventually," Remus disagrees. 

Sirius sighs. "I know. But it's still not your fault."

"Except for how it kind of is," Remus points out. "James - He wasn't lying. But I know you don't feel the same, so I am apologizing for that, for making you uncomfortable. I won't bring it up again, it doesn't have to come between us. I want us to still be friends."

"I'm sorry," Sirius says, holding up a hand to silence him. "What did you just say?"

Remus bites his lip nearly hard enough to bleed, but then he repeats, "James wasn't lying."

"But-- but then why would you run off?" Sirius asks.

Remus sighs, bringing his knees up so he can wrap his arms around his legs. "Because you looked like you were absolutely disgusted by the thought," he admits, so quietly he can barely hear himself over the noise of the Owlery. 

"No," Sirius says, stricken. "I didn't believe him."

Remus shrugs with one shoulder. "Doesn't change the fact that it's true. I fancy you, but you don't feel the same. It's all right."

"Remus," Sirius says softly, reaching out to lay a hand on his arm. "That's not true. We were arguing that day because James has been trying for weeks to get me to tell you how I feel."

And Remus is back to looking at the floor, too afraid of what he might see in Sirius's gaze. "How you feel?"

"I-- I _like_ you," Sirius confesses. "I care about you - come on, Moony, you're supposed to be the clever one."

"I've been getting some conflicting messages from you for months, though," Remus points out. "I mean, you - you stopped touching me after that night by the lake. I thought maybe you did fancy me, before, but then you found out the truth about my body and - and didn't, anymore."

"You haven't been touching me, either," Sirius argues. "I thought maybe you didn't want me to. Not just because of that, but because, you know. You spent all of Christmas with that bloke, Connor or whatever his name was, and you were so excited to see him again. Missed my chance, didn't I?"

" _Colin?_ Sirius, he's my _cousin_."

Sirius flushes bright red. "Oh," he says. "Well, I didn't know that."

Remus sighs. "To be fair, I never said he was my cousin when I talked about him," he admits. "But you still could have asked."

"Well, yeah," Sirius allows. "But then everything else happened, and I didn't know... _You_ could've told _me_."

Remus sighs. "I could have," he admits. "But, you know I haven't been seeing anyone the whole time we’ve been in Hogwarts, and now you know why. I wasn't sure how you'd react if I told you that I fancied you before you knew, and then I thought after you knew that you didn't want to be with me."

"I do," Sirius says, eyes wide and earnest. "I do, Remus, knowing hasn't changed anything."

"You're sure?" Remus asks, sounding terribly vulnerable.

Sirius takes Remus' hands and pulls them into his lap. "I want _you_ ," he says, "not your body. Or, I do, of course I do, if that's something you'd-- But I don't just want to shag you, is what I'm saying; I want to be with you."

Remus pulls in a deep breath, holding it for a moment before he releases it. "If you're sure," he says, still hesitant, "Then I'd - I'm not sure about the physical part, but I want to be with you, too."

"I'd never want you to do something you don't want to," Sirius tells him. "We can take everything at your pace."

Remus smiles, small and tentative. "Yeah?"

"Whatever you want," Sirius promises.

Remus hesitates, licks his lips, then admits, "I want to kiss you."

Sirius' next breath stutters out of him. "Oh," he says. "Yeah. Yeah, okay."

Remus hesitates for a moment. "You're sure?" he asks, unable not to. 

Rather than answer, Sirius lifts one hand up to cup Remus' cheek, runs a thumb along a fine scar just under his eye. "Come here," he murmurs.

Remus is barely breathing as he complies, closing the distance between them until he can press his lips to Sirius's in a tentative kiss. 

It's fairly standard, as kisses go. Sirius wouldn't even call it a proper snog, but it lights up his insides all the same, and he presses closer, kisses Remus back softly, tenderly. They're both smiling when they pull back, and Sirius nudges his nose against Remus'. He's still touching Remus' face.

Remus reaches up to cup Sirius's cheek in his hand, thumb brushing over the skin there. "That just about lived up to my imagination," he murmurs. 

"Just about?" Sirius teases. "We can do better than that."

"Might take a lot of practice," Remus comments. 

Sirius laughs, kisses Remus again. "I can live with that."

* * *

They don't stay there for much longer; it's cold and uncomfortable, and the owls are only willing to tolerate their presence for so long. Besides, they are essentially in public, and there's a good chance that someone could happen upon them while out on an innocent excursion to post a letter - so they get up, brushing feathers and God only know what else from the folds of their robes, and barely resist the urge to hold hands all the way back to Gryffindor Tower like a couple of blushing third years.

As it is, by the time they reach the common room, they're all over each other, grinning from ear to ear with Remus tucked under Sirius' arm. To a casual observer this doesn't appear much different to days gone by, before Remus' secret was outed and things seemed to change between all of the Marauders, but one look at them has Lily elbowing James sharply in the ribs. "Look," she hisses. "No, not at my Advanced Charms homework - _look_."

James looks up from the parchment he thought Lily had meant for him to look at, and as soon as he clocks his friends, he's grinning from ear to ear. "So," he draws as they come closer, "can I assume you two did a bit more than talking?"

"Shove off, Prongs," Sirius snipes, but they're both blushing. "Is the dormitory free?"

James's grin shifts into a smirk. "Yeah, the dormitory's free. Just make sure you use a silencing charm, yeah?"

Sirius' arm around Remus tightens just a fraction. "Keep your mind out of the gutter, you animal," he says. "We'll see you in a bit, yeah? And Prongs?"

"Go ahead and admit it, Padfoot- _I was right._ "

"You're a wanker," Sirius says, not unkindly. "But you're not entirely useless, I suppose." He winks at Lily. "Thanks, Evans."

"Why you little - "

Remus laughs as Lily slaps her hand over James's mouth. "Thanks, to both of you," he adds before he drags Sirius towards the staircase. 

They talk for hours, completely neglecting the mountain of homework that needs doing, about what they want and don't want, what their boundaries are. Eventually it devolves into aimless chatter and helpless laughter, punctuated more often than not by more kisses. By the time they roll off Remus' bed to start getting changed, Sirius knows that Remus likes tongue, but not too much, and Remus has discovered Sirius' weakness for having a hand in his hair, pulling him closer. It's all rather wonderful.

Sirius wanders into the bathroom to brush his teeth, and when he comes back Remus is already in bed, the covers pulled up to his chin and a vaguely wary look on his face. Sirius hesitates, realisation dawning. The others aren't back yet, though it won't be long until they come up to bed, so Sirius knows that the look is because of him - because he thinks Sirius might want sex, or, more likely, because today's glamour has worn off. It's never been an issue before, but then Sirius didn't have the new awareness of Remus' body that he has now, can no longer brush off whatever he might feel beneath the blankets as simply his imagination. Sirius offers him a weak smile. "I don't mind," he says. "Really, I don't. But if you want me to stay on my bed now, I will."

Remus hesitates. "I want you in here with me," he admits. "I'm just not sure... I don't wear glamours or my undershirt to bed. "

"I know," Sirius says, approaching slowly. "But we've shared a bed before - how did it work then?"

"If I knew it was going to happen, I'd keep my undershirt on," Remus admits. "And if it was unplanned, I'd just hope and pray and try to be up before you."

Sirius frowns. "Are you supposed to keep that on overnight?" he asks.

Remus shrugs. "Not supposed to, but I've only done it a couple of times."

"And now?" Sirius asks. "I don't want you to hurt yourself, Moony."

"I don't have it on right now," Remus reassures him. "And if you really want to sleep here tonight, I won't put it on."

"But will you be comfortable?" Sirius presses. "I don't want you to be on edge all night, either. If it's easier for me to stay away--"

"Sirius, get your arse over here and in bed," Remus says, exasperated. 

Sirius doesn't need to be told twice; he crosses the remaining distance to Remus' bed and slips beneath the covers, only hesitating when he realises just how close Remus is. "Can I hold you?" he asks, feeling a little breathless.

Remus nods, smiling shyly. "Yeah, you can," he murmurs. 

Sirius sighs, and takes Remus into his arms, pressing a soft kiss to his lips in the hope of distracting the both of them from how new this feels. "Okay?" he whispers.

Remus hums into the kiss. "Okay," he confirms, tugging Sirius closer for another one. 

Sirius obliges, and when they part he settles Remus against his chest with another gentle sigh. He might just be imagining it, but Remus does feel softer somehow, like there's some give to him that Sirius has either never noticed or just never understood before. The next kiss he gives Remus is brushed onto his temple, and he smiles. "This is amazing," he murmurs.

"Yeah, it is," Remus agrees, letting himself press closer to Sirius, tangling their legs together. 

* * *

Remus' bed becomes exclusively Remus' and Sirius' bed after that; Sirius' own starts being used predominantly as a wardrobe, and he has no intention of ever going back to it. Life is good, _really_ good, even with James' insufferable smugness and the curious glances Peter keeps sending their way. From what Sirius has been able to glean, James and Lily received a similar lecture for excluding him from their matchmaking exploits to the one he and Remus did, but he seems to be over it by now. James even stops rubbing it in after a while - just in time for the full moon, in a rare display of tact that has Lily written all over it.

Remus has a bad time the night before, the wolf restless beneath his skin, and by morning he's exhausted. Sirius drags him upstairs for a nap after lunch, bundles him up beneath the covers and cuddles him close, hardly aware by now of the differences between them as they both drift towards sleep - but all too soon the sun is setting, and Sirius feels Remus stir in his arms. "Hi," he whispers. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit," Remus says hoarsely. "Need a drink."

"Here," Sirius says, reaching for the glass they keep on the bedside table. "You'll have to meet Madam Pomfrey soon."

"Thanks," Remus mumbles, taking the glass and downing the whole thing in one go. "How long till I have to leave?"

"About half an hour," Sirius says. "You've got time to get something to eat first if you're quick."

Remus grumbles under his breath. "But that means moving," he whines. 

"I know," Sirius says, stroking Remus' hair. "But you'll regret it if you don't."

Remus grumbles some more. "You're coming with me," he says firmly. 

"You couldn't keep me away today if you paid me," Sirius says with a smile. "Come on."

* * *

The two of them find their snack quickly and manage to make it back to the dormitory before Remus is due to leave for his meeting with Madam Pomfrey. She leads him to the Willow and then the Shack as usual, but that full moon is the happiest Moony's been since after he realized he had a pack. He's all over Padfoot, but for once it's for a good reason; he's as affectionate as it's possible for a werewolf to be, and in the early morning, after the moon has set but before Madam Pomfrey comes to collect him, Remus finds himself waking in the Shrieking Shack with company for the first time in a long time. "Padfoot?" he asks, voice hoarse from his raw throat. "What're you doing here still?"

Padfoot lifts his head and yawns in Remus' general direction before he shuffles closer, nosing gently at Remus' bare arm.

The cold nose of a canine is enough to remind Remus that, unlike his three friends, he doesn't magically retain his clothes when he shifts. He scrambles for one of the nearby sheets, tugging it around himself until he's comfortably covered. "Sorry," he mumbles, shifting around until he's sitting cross-legged on the floor. "Still, you could get caught, you know."

A shiver runs through Padfoot in a canine approximation of a shrug, and he shuffles closer still, demanding cuddles.

Remus can't help but chuckle softly, opening his arms and patting his sheets-covered lap. "Come on, then. Just make sure you keep that excellent hearing working so you can hide when Madam Pomfrey comes." 

Once he's made himself comfortable, Padfoot licks Remus' hand, and then turns to butt his head lightly under Remus' chin. There's a fresh scratch on his cheek, and another one on his collarbone, but they're shallow and should heal in a few days without scarring. Padfoot may have even caused one of them, but if he did, it was in play; this full moon was the best they've ever had, and Padfoot is happy to make the most of it.

* * *

They have nearly half an hour of uninterrupted snuggles before Padfoot jumps up abruptly and ducks beneath the bed that so very rarely gets used for its actual purpose. Madam Pomfrey appears a few moments later to escort Remus back to the castle, and Sirius doesn't see him again until after breakfast, when he's finally allowed into the hospital wing. To his surprise, Remus is already up and is just finishing the buttons on his school shirt; Sirius catches a glimpse of the special undershirt before it's eclipsed by starched white, and he blushes when Remus catches him looking.

"You look well," Sirius offers, sitting next to Remus on the bed while the other boy pulls his socks on. "Good night?"

Remus nods. "Best night I've had in a long time," he confirms with a smile. "Madam Pomfrey's releasing me early."

"I'm glad," Sirius says, giving Remus a quick squeeze while no one's looking. "Are you sure you're up to lessons, though?"

Remus gives Sirius a reassuring smile. "I'm sure. It's only a half-day, anyway, and I'll let you know if it gets to be too much, okay?"

"All right," Sirius says. "Get your shoes on, then, and we'll go."

"Bossy," Remus complains, but he's grinning nonetheless. 

* * *

The day passes without event, and before they know it they're all crawling into bed that night, each one of them exhausted. Sirius slides under the covers beside Remus, wiggles close enough to steal a sleepy kiss, and slings an arm around him. "I had a good day today," he sighs, smiling. "Never seen you so relaxed the day after before."

"Never been that relaxed," Remus yawns. "We going to talk about it?"

Sirius winces. "We probably should," he says. "Was it okay that I stayed?"

"Yeah," Remus says. "I just - was it a spur of the moment, thing? Would've appreciated a bit of time to mentally prepare for the first time you saw me without my clothes or glamour."

"I honestly didn't mean to," Sirius tells him. "Normally I'm too on edge to fall asleep, but last night was so different. It was morning before I knew it and then, well. I didn't want to just run away."

Remus smiles against Sirius's chest. "Well, not the way I'd imagined you seeing me starkers for the first time, but I know what you mean about last night being different."

"If it helps," Sirius offers, stroking Remus' arm, "Padfoot sees things differently. I saw you, but the fact that you were undressed barely registered - at least, not in the same way as it would if I'd been me."

"That does help," Remus admits; he hesitates, then asks, "How would it have affected _you?_ "

Sirius blinks. "I don't know," he admits. "Not badly. From what I saw this morning, though, you're... really quite lovely, Moony."

Remus bites his lip before shyly asking, "You think so?"

"Yes." Sirius touches Remus' face, brings him up for a soft kiss. "I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable. But I liked what I saw."

Remus smiles into the kiss. "Maybe a little, but I'm just not used to people seeing me without my clothes."

"I'd like to see you again," Sirius murmurs, the words hot against Remus' mouth. "When you're ready."

Remus freezes, panic gripping him for a moment. "I - I don't - "

"Hey," Sirius says, pulling back. "Hey, it's okay. I'm sorry."

Remus worries his lower lip. "It's just - the only ones who've seen me without my clothes for most of my life were my parents and Madam Pomfrey. I don't, I don't _like_ my body, for a lot of reasons."

"It's okay," Sirius assures him. "I'd... I'd like to help change that, if I can. But if that's not what you want, I'll respect that."

"I don't know," Remus confesses. "I want to try things with you, but I don't know how to explain it, exactly. I'm not comfortable yet with the idea of doing those things without clothes on, if that makes sense?"

"Okay," Sirius says. He relaxes back against the pillows, careful not to crowd Remus for now. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Remus sighs. "I don't know," he mutters. "I just... I don't know. Maybe later, but - I just want to sleep for right now."

Sirius nods. "All right," he says. "Whatever you need."

Remus gives him a wobbly smile. "Thanks," he murmurs, pulling Sirius in closer. "Come back here."

Sirius goes willingly, dares to press a kiss to the corner of Remus' mouth. "I'm here," he tells him. "I'm not going anywhere. Whatever you want, Moony, you can have it."

Remus grins. "Well, right now I want you to cuddle with me," he informs Sirius, wrapping his arms around the other's waist. 

Sirius smiles. "I can do that."

* * *

Sirius is on his best behaviour after that. He follows Remus' lead, lets him set the pace for how much they touch and kiss, how close they are at any given time. He thinks Remus knows what he's doing, but Sirius thinks it's the right move; Remus seems sensitive over the next few days to everything Sirius does, snippy and frustrated at some times and almost upset at others. Sirius knows he only has himself to blame; he hadn't meant to make Remus feel pressured, had only wanted to show that he accepts and even appreciates Remus' body, but it was obviously the wrong move and Sirius clearly has some ground to make up before Remus will trust him again.

He's willing to put the effort in, though, and is grateful that Remus still wants him close at night, is still comfortable enough with him to go to sleep without his undershirt on and to throw himself all over Sirius while they're both asleep. It's for this reason that, when Sirius wakes up a few days after he put his foot in it to find Remus' head on his chest and one leg slung over both of Sirius', he doesn't immediately realise something is wrong. It isn't until he shifts in place that he notices the cold on one leg; it isn't until after he reaches down to relieve an itch that he sees the sticky red on his fingers.

Sirius suddenly feels dizzy with panic. For all that he _knows_ Remus is biologically female, it just hasn't occurred to him until now that this must happen. Regularly. Gods, he doesn't know how to handle this; he doesn't even really understand how this _works_ \- and _Remus_. Sirius stifles a curse. He's going to be mortified.

"Remus," Sirius murmurs, trying his best to sound warm and reassuring. "Remus, love, wake up."

Remus grumbles his way to wakefulness, groaning when the ache in his lower back makes itself known. " _What?_ "

"It's all right," Sirius murmurs. "No one else is awake yet. But I think you need to go to the loo."

Remus frowns. "What are you - " He starts to ask, shifting - and then he feels that horribly familiar stickiness between his legs. " _Fuck,_ " he growls, face flaming. "Yeah, I - I'll be right back." At least this time he doesn't have to beg supplies off of Lily. 

Sirius stares at the closed bathroom door for several long moments, vaguely stunned, before he realises too late that he has the perfect opportunity to remove the evidence before Remus' return. He grabs his wand and kicks the covers back, and is just about to cast a hasty Scourgify when he hears a sharp intake of breath and looks up into wide brown eyes. "Moony," Sirius says. "It's okay--"

Mindful of the other two in the dorm, Remus steps closer before hissing, "I bled on you?"

"Only a bit," Sirius tells him. "Look. _Scourgify_." His pyjamas are clean in an instant, and a quick glance at the bed tells him there's no further mess. "All gone. Okay?"

The blood may be gone, but Remus still looks _mortified._ "But - I still _bled_ on you," he protests, albeit quietly even as he crawls back onto the bed so that at least he can cast a charm to soundproof the curtains so they can speak without fear of being overheard. 

"Remus, it's all right," Sirius promises. "Come here. Are you okay?"

Remus reluctantly shuffles closer. "Embarrassed," he mutters. "And cramping like mad."

Sirius makes a sympathetic sound and puts his arms around Remus. "What can I do?" he asks.

Remus sighs. "Not much. I'll have to visit Madam Pomfrey for some pain relieving potions later, but for right now this is good."

Sirius nods and kisses his temple. "You don't need to be embarrassed," he says. "It was a bit of a shock, but I don't mind."

"But _I_ do," Remus argues. "I - This isn't right, my body is, it shouldn't do this!"

"I know," Sirius soothes. "Isn't there any way to stop it?"

Remus sighs. "No," he mutters, slumping into Sirius. "Nothing to do about it. Muggles have better medicine, we have better magic, but I don't think there's any way to make it stop permanently."

"Then just tell me what to do, okay?" Sirius says. "Do you want me to, I don't know, rub your belly?"

Remus shakes his head. "Lower back, please."

They shift so that Sirius can reach, and he starts rubbing slow circles into Remus's skin. "Like this?"

Remus hums appreciatively. "Little harder," he requests. "Firm."

"Here," Sirius says, sitting up a bit more. "Roll over, yeah? Onto your side or your stomach."

Remus rolls over onto his stomach; he knows from past experience that lying on his side is too uncomfortable. "Okay," he says, a bit cautiously. "What now?"

Sirius moves so that he can lay both hands flat on Remus' lower back. "Now," he says, starting up a slow kneading motion, "tell me how that feels."

Remus barely manages to turn his embarrassing moan to a slightly-less-embarrassing groan. "Good," he sighs, arching into Sirius's hands. 

"Hey," Sirius laughs, "let me do all the work. Just tell me what feels good."

"So far, everything," Remus says, rapidly heading towards completely blissed-out. 

Sirius grins. "Then I'll keep going."

Sirius reduces Remus to a puddle in what feels like no time at all; it takes a lot of effort for him to turn his head enough to groan, " _Where_ did you learn _that?_ "

Sirius grins, smug. "I have vast amounts of experience in a variety of exploits," he says. "A gentleman never tells."

Remus huffs out a laugh. "Well, I appreciate your effort," he says with a grin. 

"Anything for you," Sirius says, blowing him a kiss. "You feeling up to some breakfast yet?"

Remus reaches up to reel Sirius in for a proper kiss. "Mm, I think so. Have to stop by the hospital wing on the way down, but you're a bloody miracle worker."

Sirius grins. "I know," he says. A groan comes from James' bed, and Sirius lifts the silencing charm with a wave of his wand. "Come on."

* * *

They manage to make it through most of the day with ease. Remus is far more irritable than he has been all week, but Sirius shields their friends from most of it and does his best to look after Remus without crowding or coddling him. Even Sirius' presence becomes intolerable at dinner, however, and the four of them eat in an uncomfortable silence that only one of them fully understands. When they get back to the common room afterwards, Remus separates himself from the group - not entirely, but enough that when he takes the armchair opposite their usual sofa and pulls out a book, they know not to bother him.

Sirius leaves it for almost an hour, during which Remus ignores all of them and seems to become increasingly frustrated by his shirt, before he has to act. He gets up, ignoring whatever James is saying about his plans for the next Hogsmeade weekend, and crosses to perch on the arm of Remus' chair. "What's up with you?" he asks, leaning in close so that only Remus can hear.

Remus growls under his breath. "My chest is sore," he mutters. "Been sore most of the day."

"Oh," Sirius says, eyes wide. "Because of--?"

" _Yes,_ " Remus hisses. "And my undershirt."

"Then take it off," Sirius says. "Don't hurt yourself."

Remus glares at him half-heartedly. "I don't want to," he mutters. "I don't know if my glamour is strong enough."

"Well let's find out," Sirius says. "Come on, the dormitory's free, we can just nip up and see what it looks like without."

Remus hesitates, torn, but eventually nods. His chest _is_ incredibly sore... "All right. Quickly though."

"No one'll even notice we're gone," Sirius promises.

Remus doesn't quite believe him, but he follows Sirius up to the dormitory regardless. 

Sirius isn't surprised when Remus disappears behind the bedcurtains to change, and sits down amongst the clothes scattered all over his own bed while he waits. "Does it always hurt, y'know, there?" he asks mildly. "I've never noticed before."

"No," Remus answers. "Just when I'm, you know."

"Is it really bad?" Sirius asks.

"Just when there's pressure," Remus admits. "Makes them worse, otherwise it's just an ache."

"So what do you normally do about it? Have you unbound around us before?"

"A couple of times, yeah."

Sirius hums, pleased. "We've never noticed before," he points out.

"Well, I have, and it's almost worse than dealing with the soreness," Remus retorts as he steps out from around the bed curtains. 

At first glance, Sirius doesn't see anything of note - but he knows why they're here, and he hopes Remus doesn't think badly of him when he fights through what's left of the day's glamour to focus on his chest. There is, admittedly, a difference. Remus' chest isn't anywhere near as full as Marlene McKinnon's, is actually quite modest, but there's still a noticeable fullness beneath his jumper. It doesn't make him look like a _girl_ \- without a bra, his chest isn't really the right shape - but there isn't much else that would cause the shape it is. Sirius does his best to keep his face impassive. He dragged Remus up here to reassure him, to convince him he doesn't need to worry so much about keeping up appearances in public when he's hurting, but he's obviously wrong. Maybe before Snape opened his big mouth it would have been okay; now that people know or at least suspect the truth...

"All right," Sirius says. "The jumper helps." It's true; he's never really had the chance to look at Remus like this when they're in their pyjamas, but he's seen enough to know just how much Remus trusts him. "But maybe you should put your robes on, just to be safe. Or get changed and put your dressing gown on?"

Remus shakes his head. "Dressing gown doesn't help. Robes might, though." He turns to dig through his trunk. 

"We could just stay up here," Sirius suggests. "You didn't really look like you wanted to be around everyone anyway."

Remus sighs. "I didn't," he admits. 

"So then what do you want?" Sirius asks, as gently as he dares.

"Besides the impossible?" Remus asks with a wry twist to his lips. "Right now, I just want to stay up here, maybe get an early night. You're welcome to stay."

"I don't want to bother you," Sirius says, uncertain. "Should I stay in my own bed tonight?"

Remus shakes his head. "You're not bothering me," he says firmly. 

"Okay," Sirius says, reaching somewhat reluctantly for his school bag. "I suppose I should work on that Potions essay."

Remus settles himself on the bed, then pats the space next to him. "Well, come over here and do it, then."

Sirius grabs some parchment and a quill and joins Remus on the bed, sitting cross-legged in front of him. "If you feel like helping, I wouldn't say no," he says with a teasing grin.

Remus chuckles. "You know Lily's better at potions than I am, but I'll do what I can. How far have you gotten?"

"One sec." Sirius bends over the parchment, scratching the date, his name and the essay title onto the top of the page before holding it out to Remus with a sheepish grin. "That far."

Remus gives Sirius a flat look. "You're taking the piss."

Sirius blinks innocently. "No?"

Remus's next look is unimpressed. "You've had three days to work on this, Padfoot."

"I've been busy," Sirius insists. "Have you started yours?"

"Nearly finished," Remus says smugly. 

"Great!" Sirius grins. "I can copy off yours then."

" _No,_ " Remus says forcefully. "You're going to do your own damned work, Pads; we both know you're more than smart enough."

Sirius pouts, but takes the parchment back. "Yes, Professor Moony," he says glumly.

Remus can't help but laugh. "I'll help you," he promises, "but I'm not letting you cheat off of me, not this time. Come on, let's get started."

* * *

The two of them manage to make quite a bit of headway into Sirius's project that night; it's nice, and time alone with Sirius along with distraction in the form of homework is exactly what Remus needs tonight. It takes his mind off of his body - but the news that James and Peter bring up to the dormitory with them provides an even bigger distraction. 

" _Who_ was attacked?" Remus demands, horrified. "You're sure?"

"Muggleborn relatives of Tracy David's, the Hufflepuff in our year who's been extremely quiet all term," James repeats, clearly shaken. "She got an owl this afternoon, someone heard her talking to Professor Sprout about it shortly after."

"Are they dead?" Sirius demands, aghast.

James shakes his head. "Be better if they were, apparently. Last I heard they'd been taken to St. Mungo's, and her aunt wasn't responding to anything and her uncle couldn't stop screaming."

"Fuck," Sirius hisses. He looks at his friends, his eyes wide with fear. "All this Death Eater shite, it's serious, isn't it?"

Remus nods slowly. "It is," he says, remembering the letters he's received from his own family. "You-Know-Who's gained a lot of power and a lot of followers."

"Why do we call him that?" Sirius asks, annoyed. "Why can't we say his name?"

"We _can't_ ," Peter says, eyes wide.

"Why not? Do you think he can hear us?"

"With a wizard as dark as he and with followers that vile, it's better to be safe than sorry," Remus points out. 

Sirius rolls his eyes. "Fine," he grumbles. "But I bet Dumbledore says it."

"Dumbledore is also one of the most powerful wizards in the world," James reminds Sirius. "People say he's also the only one that You-Know-Who is afraid of."

"I can see why," Peter says. "Don't you think Dumbledore is a bit scary?"

Sirius laughs. "That old codger? Nah."

"I don't know," Remus says slowly. "You don't get all the achievements that Dumbledore's gotten without being a little scary."

"Well then he's only scary if you're a bastard," Sirius says. "You-Know-Who should be pissing himself."

"By all accounts he very well might be," James points out. "He's supposedly got no plans to come anywhere near Hogwarts."

"Hogwarts isn't entirely safe, though," Sirius points out. "There are enough Slytherins here who have already joined him, or plan to."

Peter shivers. "I hope they catch him soon."

"There's no catching a wizard like that," Remus says quietly. "Only way to stop him is to kill him."

The face Peter pulls is enough to have Sirius jumping to his aid. "All right," he says, "enough. There's no use fretting about it now; we're perfectly safe here."

"But you just said--"

"It doesn't matter how many people have joined You-Know-Who's little club, Dumbledore isn't going to let a bunch of Slytherins go around school casting Unforgivables."

"Padfoot's right," James says firmly. "Dumbledore may seem like a dodgy old codger, but he's sharper than he lets on."

"I suppose," Peter says, but his gaze flits nervously from face to face until it lands on Remus' bed. "Is that the Potions homework?"

Remus gives Peter a nod and smile. "Yeah; Sirius and I were working on it. Do you want to join us?"

"Please," Peter says, already reaching for his bag. "I haven't even started yet."

Remus gives Sirius a pointed look. "Neither had he," he says, gesturing to Sirius as he turns toward Peter once more. "But he's almost finished now. Let's get started, and that'll be that much more you have finished, yeah?"

* * *

The news of the attack spreads through the school quickly, and things are subdued for a few days, not helped by the looming final exams. Even the Marauders don't feel up to making mischief, and they have their quietest week in literally years. Saturday night when they go to bed, Remus gives in the same way he has every night since they heard about the attack; he pulls Sirius close, closer than he ever would have dared before Sirius found out the truth. They fall asleep wrapped up in each other, and wake up the same way. 

Sunday morning, however, Remus wakes up to a new feeling - a physical one. There's something pressing against his hip, and a little bit of shifting reveals what it is. His face heats, and he pokes Sirius hard in the shoulder. " _Sirius,_ " he hisses. "Wake up."

"Huh?" Sirius asks, jerking awake. "What's it?"

"You've got a - " Well, it's not a _little_ problem " - You've got something you need to take care of," Remus settles on. "Maybe in the shower?"

"What? Oh, fuck!" Sirius sits up, twists so that his back is to Remus as he fights to free his feet from the covers. The shock has mostly killed his erection, but he gets out of bed anyway. "I'm-- I'm sorry, I'll just--" He's gone a moment later.

Remus doesn't go after him; this isn't the first time Sirius has woken up with morning wood, but each time isn't any less of a production. Remus has been thinking, however, and when Sirius returns, hair wet and skin chilly, he says, "I've been thinking."

"Right," Sirius says, his back to Remus as he pulls on a t-shirt. "Do I want to ask?"

"I just - Remember that conversation we had, about what I might and might not be comfortable with? I've been thinking about that."

Sirius glances at Remus over his shoulder, already looking guilty. "Moony, we don't have to talk about that," he says. "I didn't mean to put pressure on you then; I'm really sorry."

Remus shrugs. "It's something that would've come up eventually," he points out. "You want to hear my thoughts or not?"

"Can I at least put trousers on first?" Sirius asks.

Remus glances down, then quickly away, cheeks going hot. "Yeah, sorry."

Sirius doesn't drop his towel until after he's pulled on his trousers, and then he keeps his back to Remus while he does up his fly. He lifts the towel to his hair as an afterthought and by the time he joins Remus on the bed once more he bears a striking resemblance to Padfoot. "Do we need a silencing charm for this?" he asks, wary.

"If we want to keep from hearing James whinging about us discussing sex, probably."

Sirius flushes, and does his best not to trip all over himself while he draws the curtains and casts the charm. "Okay," he says. "In your own time."

"Okay." Remus takes a deep breath, choosing his next words. "I've been thinking, and - I'm still not completely sure how or where I want you to touch me, where I'd be comfortable being touched, but I want to start trying to figure it out with you."

"Remus," Sirius says gently. "There's no rush. I know I got a bit carried away after the full moon, but that wasn't even really about, y'know, sex. I--" He bites his lip, searching for the words to express just what he felt that night. "You're gorgeous, Moony. I want you to feel safe with me, comfortable enough to let me see you again. But I know that's going to take time."

Remus gives Sirius a soft smile, reaching over to take Sirius's hands in his own. "I know. And I do trust you, Sirius. More than I trust just about anyone else in the world; that's why I'm even considering this. I'm not entirely comfortable in my own body, which contributes to not being comfortable letting others see it, but I want to get used to you seeing my body."

"I'd like that," Sirius says, earnest. "Even if it's just so that on the days when you're sore and it's too much effort, you don't have to worry about keeping up appearances around me. I want to help."

"I appreciate that," Remus says honestly. "But I'm - Physical contact usually makes it better. Easier. But I'm curious, too. I've never had sex, never felt comfortable enough with someone to try, but I _do_ feel comfortable to try with you."

Sirius swallows, but nods. "Okay," he says. "Whatever you want."

Remus frowns slightly. "Are _you_ comfortable with that?"

"Yeah," Sirius says quickly. "Yeah, 'course I am. But... I've never done this before."

"Oh," Remus murmurs, but he's not really surprised. "Well, we can figure it out together, then."

Sirius' smile is small and a bit shy. "I'd like that," he says again.

Remus grins. "Well, I may not be sure how I want you to touch me yet, but I do know that I want to get my hands all over you," he says in his best attempt at a leer.

That startles a laugh out of Sirius. "Merlin, Moony. Where did you learn to talk like that?"

Remus arches an eyebrow. "Who have I been best mates with for nearly seven years, _Padfoot?_ "

" _Fuck,_ " Sirius groans. "I think I need you to kiss me now."

Remus smirks. "I can do that," he says with a laugh, leaning in to do just that. The two of them lose themselves in the taste of each other, unwilling to even try to keep track of time; as such, they're understandably surprised when the bed curtain is ripped to the side, a pillow flying through the opening to nail them both in the side of the head.

"Oi!" James barks, but when Remus glares at him, all the other boy does is widen his grin, "remember you're not the only ones in the room, yeah? Keep it in your pants when there are others around."

"I did cast a silencing charm," Sirius grumbles, not-so-subtly angling his lower half away from James. "It's not our fault if you insist on interrupting us."

Remus can see the instant James realizes what Sirius's shift in position means, because his eyes light up with an unholy glee. Sighing, Remus gives Sirius a pat on the shoulder before sliding off the bed and flicking James in the forehead, ignoring the yelp it gets him. "He's right," Remus says in reprimand as he moves towards the bathroom. "We were taking precautions."

"Yeah, but we were still in the room!" James protests, rubbing at the spot Remus had flicked him. "Precautions don't help when we know what they mean!"

"But you don't know what they mean, do you?" Sirius hisses, his gaze on Remus' retreating form. "We weren't doing anything!"

"Oh come on," James complains, "you were kissing when the curtain opened, and I can still see that _thing_ in your lap. If you were Padfoot your tail would be wagging and you'd be panting."

"That's right," Sirius snaps, "we were kissing. You try to kiss someone you're madly in love with _without_ being affected. We don't-- we haven't--" He flushes. "Not yet, anyway. And not ever if you keep sticking your nose in!"

James grins, unrepentant. "Sure, sure - just keep it to kissing when we're in the dorm, all right? Never know when those charms might fail."

"On my honour as a Black," Sirius promises - then hesitates. "As an honorary Potter."

James rolls his eyes, reaching across the space between them to give Sirius's leg a near-gentle kick. "None of this 'honorary' shite, Pads. You _are_ a Potter, in every way that counts."

Sirius melts, and gives James a look that's downright soppy. "I fucking love you, Prongs."

James's grin softens into a sincere smile. "I love you, too, Padfoot."

"And that's all very nice," Peter calls from the other side of the room, "but can you please shut up or cast your own silencing charm? Prongs kept me up all night with his snoring."

James's other pillow sails across the room to thump against Peter's chest. "Fuck you, Wormtail, I don't snore!"

"You do," Remus calls from the bathroom where he's washing his hands. "Horribly. Half the time I think Hagrid's blowing his nose outside the window."

Sirius laughs. "Let's leave Wormy to his beauty sleep and get some breakfast," he says. "Hurry up, Moony!"

* * *

There is going to be one less Marauder by the time the sun goes down. 

Because Remus is going to _kill_ Sirius if he insists that Remus can 'totally get this if you just put that cunning mind of yours to work!' one more time.

He's going to _locomotor_ him and his stupid hair all the way to the lake and feed him to the giant squid. 

A few students around them turn to shoot Remus a quelling look, and Professor Flitwick has one for Sirius, but Sirius just grins. "All right," he says. "Show me what you've got."

Remus makes himself take a deep breath, closing his eyes so he doesn't have to look at Sirius as he tries to follow Flitwick's instructions. Reach for his magic, visualize what he wanted to happen, and - " _Wingardium leviosa._ "

"You're saying it wrong," Sirius says lightly. "Come on, Moony, you know better than that."

Remus grits his teeth. "Padfoot, I am going to cram this feather down your throat with my bare hands," he snarls under his breath. "If _you_ hadn't insisted on me taking this course with you - " Remus cuts himself off then, scrubbing a hand over his face. He _needs_ to get a hold of himself, he knows. Professor Flitwick had been quite clear when explaining that, just as when their magic first manifests, emotions can influence the magic, they can also block it, or worse - cause it to react unpredictably. And as annoying as Padfoot is being right now, Remus doesn't actually want him to choke on the feather they're supposed to be levitating. 

Remus takes a couple of moments to attempt to get himself under control, evening his breathing and attempting to let his mind settle. The effort pays off - mostly - and Remus feels ready for another attempt. Ignoring Sirius's feather, which is dancing over their heads, he focuses on his own, and - making sure to enunciated clearly - says the incantation for the fifteenth time. Finally, he's rewarded with a little hop; it's not much, but it's more than the feather would have moved had someone sneezed on it, and Remus can't help the grin that spreads over his face. 

"That's it," Sirius urges, quiet for once. "Remus, you genius, keep going!"

Remus does his best to ignore Sirius, focusing instead on the feather and repeating the words again; this time, the feather jumps into the air and hovers for a moment before faltering and falling back to the table. 

"Very good, Mr. Lupin!" Professor Flitwick says, swooping in to clap a hand on Remus' shoulder. "Imagine what you'll be able to achieve when Mr. Black _isn't_ talking your ear off!"

"Yeah," Remus drawls, looking at Sirius with a raised eyebrow accompanied by a slight smirk. " _Imagine._ "

Flitwick moves on with a chuckle, and Sirius sticks his tongue out at Remus. "Still regret taking the course?"

Remus rolls his eyes. "Yes, yes I do. But maybe not as much as I did," he concedes. 

"You'll get it, Moony," Sirius promises. "You've got loads of time yet."

Remus gives Sirius a small smile. "Thanks," he murmurs. "But I still need a lot of practice."

"We all do," Sirius says. "We'll help each other."

Remus can't help the soft smile that ends up on his face. "Good," he says. "That's the way it should be."

Sirius rolls his eyes, and his own feather sinks until it settles gently on Remus' head. "Come on," he says. "Let's try again."

* * *

Two days later, Sirius lets Remus go to bed ahead of him for the first time since they started seeing each other, opting instead to stay in the common room to work on another essay he's left until the last minute. Remus offers to help despite his obvious disapproval, but Sirius waves him off and tells him to get a good night's sleep. A good night's sleep that is disrupted an hour and a half later when Sirius finally slides into bed.

"Moony," he whispers. "Hey, are you asleep? Moony?"

"Well, I _was,_ until someone woke me up," Remus grumbles. "What's up?"

"Come on," Sirius murmurs. "You need to get dressed. Put that jumper I like on."

"It's the middle of the night," Remus complains even as he complies. "What the hell are you up to?"

"You'll see," Sirius says, grinning. "Be quiet, though. If the others wake up we'll never escape."

Remus raises an eyebrow at that as he comes to stand next to Sirius. "Escape?"

Sirius grins, holds up a suspiciously blank piece of parchment. "We're going on a little jaunt."

Remus sighs, but he can't help the grin that tugs his lips. "All right. Lead on."

Sirius grins, and takes Remus' hand.

With the aid of a certain borrowed invisibility cloak that admittedly doesn't quite cover their feet anymore, he leads Remus through the deserted castle to the statue of the one-eyed witch. "I thought we could go to the pub," he says, his eyes bright. "Or just raid Honeydukes. Or whatever you want, really."

"We are not stealing from Honeyduke's," Remus laughs. "The Three Broomsticks is good with me."

"Well then," Sirius says, producing his wand with a flourish and opening the secret passage, "after you, Messr Moony."

Remus shakes his head, grinning, and ducks into the passage. 

* * *

They get into The Three Broomsticks without any difficulty, easily blending into the crowd of locals and even managing to nab a table. Sirius gets them a couple of butterbeers to start off with and sits down opposite Remus with a gentle smile. "Happy birthday, love."

Remus can't help his chuckle. "It is my birthday, isn't it?" he muses, taking his butterbeer. "I lost track of time."

"Well, we've been busy," Sirius says. "I'm sure we'll do something with the lads tomorrow, but I wanted to do something special, just the two of us."

Remus reaches over the table to cover Sirius's hand with his, giving it a squeeze. "Thank you."

Sirius grins. "I bet I could get Albert to serve me when Rosmerta isn't looking," he says. "If you fancy something stronger."

Remus grins. "Fine. But only a couple, okay?"

"Of course!" Sirius laughs. "Would I get you drunk, Moony?"

Remus raises an eyebrow. "Do you really want me to answer that?"

Sirius grins. "Okay," he says. "I'll be good, I promise."

Remus laughs. "Good; save the getting in trouble for when we're on school grounds, yeah?"

Sirius sits up straight, lays a hand over his heart. "I solemnly swear," he says, and grins. "Come on, finish that one and I'll get the firewhiskey in."

Remus shakes his head, amusement lighting his eyes. "I'm already regretting this," he informs Sirius even as he lifts his drink to his lips. 

* * *

They're both legally of age to drink now, but Madam Rosmerta has seen enough of them over the past seven years to know that they're students, and that they shouldn't be out of the castle right now, so Sirius waits until she takes a break to head to the bar and ask Albert, her only employee, for two large firewhiskeys. They make short work of them, and Sirius goes back for two more, reluctantly heeding Remus' insistence that they sip these ones slowly.

By the time they're halfway through their second round, the alcohol has warmed their faces and made their heads feel pleasantly fuzzy, and Sirius smiles lazily at Remus over the top of his glass. "You're fucking gorgeous, you know that?"

Remus blames the drinks for the way his face goes hot. "No, I'm not."

"You are," Sirius insists. "I really..." He trails off, shakes his head, and then asks, rather abruptly, "Have you told your parents?"

Remus blinks, taken aback by the abrupt change in topic. "Not yet," he says slowly. "Planning to, but it's... Well, not the easiest thing to say."

"No," Sirius agrees, his gaze in his glass. "S'pose not. I'm gonna tell mine, though."

"The Potters?" Remus guesses. "They'll be happy to hear it."

"I think so," Sirius says with a smile. "What about yours?"

Remus considers it for a moment before he smiles. "I think they'll be happy so long as I'm happy."

"That's good," Sirius tells him. "That's the right answer."

Remus laughs, reaching across the table to take Sirius's hand in his, lacing their fingers together and squeezing carefully. "I am, you know. Happy, with you."

Sirius squeezes back, looking touched. "Me too," he says. "I know it's only been a few weeks, but I don't think I've ever been happier. Ever."

"Well, hopefully this will keep going," Remus says, but then hesitates. "But - what about after... After Hogwarts?"

Sirius lights up, and he leans forward eagerly. "Well," he says, "Prongs and I were going to get a flat together in the summer. But now I expect he and Evans will be swanning off into the sunset together - so why don't we do the same?"

"What, swan off into the sunset?" Remus asks, purposely misunderstanding the question as he feels his face flame. 

"Well, yes," Sirius laughs. "If the sunset can be found in a shitty little flat in London."

Remus bites his lip, staring at their joined hands for a moment before he says, shyly, "I think it could be."

Sirius grins so wide it hurts his face. "Yeah?"

Remus nods, smile still shy. "Yeah. I - I'd like that. With you."

Sirius, still beaming, brings Remus' hand to his lips so that he can smack a kiss onto the back of it. "We should celebrate," he says. "More drinks!"

Remus groans, but can't shake his fond smile. "All right, but only one! We still have to get back, you know."

Sirius laughs as he gets to his feet. "Trust me, Moony!"

* * *

They finish their third round of firewhiskey before Remus insists they start heading back towards the castle; they're halfway down the passage when Remus takes Sirius's hand in his, tangling their fingers. "I had a good time."

Sirius is well on his way to drunk, so he doesn't think he can be blamed for the way he squeezes Remus' hand tight and says, soft and serious, "I'm glad, Moony. Really glad. I fuckin'--" He cuts himself off, shakes his head. "Nah."

"What?" Remus asks, curious. 

"Oh Moony," Sirius sighs. "I fuckin' love you."

Remus stops abruptly, staring at Sirius with wide eyes. "You do?"

"Yeah," Sirius says, stopping only when his hold on Remus' hand stops him from going further. "For ages. Thought you knew."

Remus can feel his cheeks flushing from more than just alcohol as he shakes his head. "I mean - I know how _I_ felt, but I wasn't sure about you." He pauses, and then, "I love you, too, but the way."

Sirius grins, and pulls Remus in for a hard kiss. "You can't take that back," he mumbles into Remus' mouth. "When you're sober and puking tomorrow, you can't regret that, please."

Remus goes with his gut, pushing Sirius back against the wall of the tunnel so he can kiss him that much harder. "Neither can you," he says fiercely. "No take-backs."

Sirius can't help it; he moans against Remus' lips. "I won't," he promises. "Fuck, Moony."

Remus wants nothing more than to coax Sirius into making more of those noises, but he makes himself break away from Sirius's mouth. They're both breathing heavily, and Remus can help his curse. " _Fuck,_ I wish we had more time here. But I also don't want the first time we have sex time to be in a dusty tunnel."

The look Sirius gives him says that right at this moment he _really_ wouldn't complain, but he pulls himself together and reaches for Remus' hand again. "Come on," he sighs, heavily, like walking is the hardest thing he's ever had to do. "I can at least feel you up a bit when we get to bed, right?"

Remus laughs. "Assuming we don't get caught, then sure."

"You can cast the silencing charm," Sirius suggests, suddenly eager to get back to the dormitory. "Yours are better than mine."

Remus's smirk says he knows _exactly_ what Sirius is eager for. "Probably a good idea. Let's go."

* * *

The second the curtains are drawn and the silencing charm is up, Sirius is on Remus, pulling him down until Remus is half on top of him. "Tell me again," he mumbles in between kisses. "Say it again."

Remus thinks about playing dumb, but he doesn't have it in him, not tonight. "I love you," he murmurs against Sirius's lips, his hands tangled in that mane Sirius likes to fuss over so much. "I love you."

"I love you," Sirius sighs - and then moans when Remus tugs on his hair a bit. "Oh fuck, do that again."

Remus grins, tugging at the hair he's managed to twist around his fingers. "Yeah? Just like that?"

Sirius shows his appreciation by pulling Remus back in for another kiss, but it's not nearly enough. "I want to touch you," he confesses. "Not-- I just want to touch you. Show me how?"

Remus hesitates, but nods; he moves his hands from Sirius's hair to find Sirius's hands, encircling his wrists so he can guide their movement. He places Sirius's hands on his ribs, just below where the hem of his undershirt can be felt. "Firm touches," he murmurs. "No higher than this."

"Okay," Sirius whispers. He explores for a moment, his heart racing as he feels Remus' stomach through his jumper, the slight curve of his waist that means his hips fit perfectly into Sirius' hands. "Is this all right?" he asks.

Remus nods, breath hitching at Sirius's touch. "Yeah, that's - that's good," he breathes, letting his own hands fall to Sirius's shoulders and then lower, fingertips just skating over his pecs. 

Sirius makes an appreciative sound and arches just slightly into Remus' touch. "You can-- wherever you want," he offers.

Remus searches Sirius's expression, but when he finds nothing but truth there, he allows himself to relax, nodding slightly. "Okay," he murmurs, letting his hands slide down Sirius's chest and over his stomach, until his fingers can curl over the hem of his shirt. "Can I - "

Sirius' hands tighten on Remus' hips, urging him on. "Yeah," he says.

Remus can't help the way his hips jerk when Sirius tightens his grip, and he let's out a soft moan. "Do that again," he demands even as he slides his own hands under Sirius's shirt and finally, _finally_ gets his hands on Sirius good and proper. 

"What?" Sirius asks, his mischievous grin only slightly shaky. He squeezes Remus' hips again. "This?"

" _Fuck,_ " Remus hisses. "Yes, that."

Sirius grins and squeezes again, this time using the momentum to pull Remus down for another kiss. "I love having your hands on me," he murmurs. "You feel amazing."

Remus goes easily into the kiss, then another; when he pulls back, he's flushed. "So do you," he murmurs, almost reverent. 

Sirius smiles, runs his hands up Remus' sides. "I've got you," he promises.

Remus smiles, ducking in for another kiss just because he can. "Good. And I've got you."

Sirius' grin turns filthy. "Then have me," he says.

* * *

Remus wakes in the morning to a splitting headache and a sweat-covered, clothed body. It takes him several minutes to be able to think around the headache, to remember what happened before he fell asleep, and when he finally does, he can't help but groan, embarrassed. _We fell asleep,_ he recalls. _In the middle of..._ He groans again, louder this time, and manages to raise one hand enough to scrub at his eyes, rubbing the sleep from them. _I need some water,_ he decides, face still hot with embarrassment, but when he opens the curtains to slide out of bed, he's met with a far-too-cheerful James. 

"Happy birthday, Moony! Wake Sirius and get your arses down to the common room, will you?"

Remus groans - again - but nods. "Yeah, sure. Just - give us a few minutes, alright?"

James's smirk suggests he knows exactly why Remus and Sirius need a few minutes, but he doesn't say anything as he nods and heads for the stairs, tossing a wave over his shoulder as he goes. Remus scowls at his retreating form before continuing on his search for water, bringing a glass back for Sirius once he returns to their bed. He reaches over to give Sirius's shoulder a shake, whispering, "Padfoot. Pads, Sirius, come on - wake up."

"All right, all right, I'm awake," Sirius slurs, sitting up and peering blearily at Remus, his hair sticking up every which way. After a moment's squinting, he breaks out into a slow grin. "Hello, you."

Remus shoves the glass of water in Sirius's face. "I am not kissing you with that morning breath," he informs Sirius. "Drink and go brush your teeth."

"Merlin," Sirius says, affronted. "You don't wake up smelling of roses either, you know." But he accepts the drink and gets out of bed, and only then seems to realise that he's still dressed from the night before. He glances at Remus over his shoulder. "Did we..?"

Remus shakes his head. "I'm pretty sure we ended up falling asleep," he says, a bit rueful. 

"Oh." Sirius smiles. "What I remember was... quite fucking good, though."

Remus returns the smile. "Yeah, it was good. Now go brush your teeth; Prongs wants us in the common room."

Sirius rolls his eyes. "Yes, professor."

Remus makes a face. "Don't call me that," he laughs. "Just hurry up, or he'll come back up here and drag you down with your toothbrush in your mouth."

* * *

They actually run into James on the stairs, who gives them a suspicious look before leading the way down to the common room. "Almost had to drag them down," he tells Peter, grinning. 

"Thank God you didn't," Remus says dryly. "I'd hate to start my birthday with a trip to the hospital wing."

"Happy birthday, Remus," Peter says, waving. "I take it you had a good night?"

Sirius leers. "It was fantastic."

Remus smacks him in the shoulder. "I did," he allows, giving Peter a smile. "Thanks."

"Alright, enough of that," James says impatiently. "C'mon, let's get to the presents already."

"Oh yeah," Sirius says, suddenly delighted as he pulls Remus over to sit down. "Peter, you're up first."

Peter startles and reaches for a package. "It's not much," he offers.

Remus takes Peter's gift as he moves to sit down next to Sirius. It's relatively small, and Remus opens the wrapping carefully, grinning when he sees what's inside. "Thanks, Peter," he laughs, pulling out a bundle of chocolate frogs. 

"You're welcome," Peter says, visibly relieved. "I know you don't collect the cards, but I thought you liked the chocolate."

"I do," Remus reassures Peter with a genuine smile. "It's my favorite chocolate."

"He just wants the cards," Sirius says, and laughs when Peter doesn't deny it. "Wormtail!"

Remus laughs as well. "You're welcome to them," he tells Peter. 

"Thanks," Peter says, while Sirius rolls his eyes.

You're next, Potter."

James's grin is one Remus knows means trouble, and he can't help the way he handles James's present gingerly. He gives it a cautious poke. "You didn't booby-trap this, did you?"

James snorts. "Quit being paranoid and open it, Moony."

Remus gives him one more suspicious look before he starts carefully peeling back the paper. It's immediately obvious that it's a sweater, but Remus can't help the way he goggles at the design on it once he gets it unwrapped. "I think you gave me the wrong present," he manages to choke out. "You sure this isn't meant for... anyone else?" In his hands is a green sweater in the fashion of the tremendously ugly Christmas kind, and on the front are two reindeer in the act of mating. Remus is holding by his very fingertips, a bit disappointed that the wool feels so nice on such an ugly design. 

Sirius cackles. "It's lovely!" he crows. "Put it on!"

Remus shoots him a horrified look. " _No,_ " he says forcefully. "This - This is - "

James breaks, howling with laughter. "It's not your real present, Moony, but _Merlin's beard,_ your _face_!" He, Sirius, and Peter continue laughing for several minutes while Remus tries to get the heat in his cheeks under control. Eventually James hands over another present, holding his hands up in surrender when Remus glares at him through narrowed eyes. "Open it; this one's your real present, Moony."

It feels like another piece of clothing, but this time when Remus peels back the paper it's to reveal a jumper in a lovely soft cream color, with what looks like Celtic knots encircling the wrists, just above the cuffs, and a subtle diamond pattern over the rest of it. " _Oh,_ " he breathes, running his hands over the wool. "This is - This is _much_ better." Without prompting, he quickly tugs it on, trying out the fit - and it's perfect. Slightly baggy, enough that Remus could probably wear this without his undershirt without fear of being discovered, and he holds out for only a moment before lunging out of his seat to wrap James in a crushing hug, one the other boy returns readily.

"I'm glad you like it, Moony," he says sincerely, allowing the hug to continue for several heartbeats more. "Saw it in a Muggle shop, took a while to find one the right size, though."

" _Thank_ you," Remus says, giving James a slightly-watery grin. 

Sirius grins at James, beyond proud of how far he's come, but when Remus returns to his seat he wastes no time in thrusting his own present under his nose. "My turn!"

Remus can't help but laugh at Sirius's eagerness, but he takes the present regardless. It feels heavy, and Remus guesses it's a book - but what he can't guess is _which_ book. Once he gets the wrapping paper off, he can't help but stare at the author's name. "Sirius - is this - "

"Yeah," Sirius says. "It took some tracking down, believe me."

"What is it?" Peter asks.

"It's a bestiary," Remus answers, running a hand over the cover before carefully opening it. "One with only a few surviving copies. It's - It was written by a werewolf."

"It was banned not long after it was written," Sirius offers. "It's not anymore, but it's still unpopular and most of the copies were destroyed years ago. It's not even in the library."

Remus nods, and after a moment, he swallows hard, closes the book and carefully sets it aside before throwing himself at Sirius, dragging him into a heartfelt kiss. "Thank you," he murmurs against Sirius's lips, kissing him again and again.

"I just hope it's useful," Sirius laughs, sliding his arms around Remus' waist. "This jumper is really fucking soft, Prongs, well done."

Remus buries his grin in the crook of Sirius's neck as James gives Sirius an exaggerated bow. "Thanks, mate. Your gift is obviously better, I mean I only got a hug," he teases. 

The look Peter gives him is less than impressed, but they all miss it, too busy laughing as Sirius pulls Remus closer against him and smacks a kiss into his hair. "I can't help being better than you, Prongs."

James flips Sirius off, which prompts the black-haired boy to toss a pillow at James's face, which, naturally, leads to an escalating pillow fight. Even as Remus finds himself laughing in exasperation and shielding himself and Peter from the chaos that ensues, he can't help the fondness curling warmth into his chest. They may be ridiculous, but this group is his family, just as much as his blood family is. And Remus wouldn't give them up for the world.

* * *

" _Fuck,_ " Remus hisses a few weeks later, gasping when Sirius reacts to the arching of his hips with a grind of his own. "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, Padfoot, don't you dare fucking stop." Ever since that night they'd snuck out to the Three Broomsticks, things between the two of them have grown more heated, touches lingering longer than is normal even for them, kisses verging on the edge of getting them in trouble, and while nothing has come of any of that - yet - Remus has a feeling tonight is the night it will. It's a couple of days before the full moon, and he's just come off his other monthly, and everything feels brighter and headier, more intense than usual, and Remus never wants this to stop, he just - he _wants_. He digs the fingers of one hand into Sirius's shoulder, clinging even as his other hand cups the back of Sirius's head, dragging him into another kiss and tugging on the strands trapped between his fingers just to get a reaction from Sirius.

He isn't disappointed; Sirius groans into Remus' mouth as his hips grind down once more, and he's eternally grateful for the silencing spell Remus cast as soon as the bed curtains were drawn. "Shit, I love you," he gasps. "I want you, Remus, can I--?"

Remus stills, then nods, eager. " _Yes,_ fuck, yes, _please._ "

Sirius kisses Remus, hard, before pulling away so he can kiss Remus' neck instead. This is nothing they haven't done before, but with the needy grind of their hips and the way his hands are burning to touch Remus, they're quickly heading into uncharted territory for Sirius - for both of them. Sirius has been taking advantage of all the places Remus has told him he can touch for weeks with nothing but awe and gratitude; now, he slips his hands beneath Remus' pyjama shirt and hesitates just shy of where his undershirt should be, wanting more. "Please," he sighs, his breath hot against Remus' throat. "Let me see you again?"

Remus doesn't answer for a moment, mind working, but then he nods. "Okay," he murmurs. "Just - go slow, okay?"

Sirius presses one last kiss to Remus' jaw, pulls back. "You do it," he murmurs. "Take your time."

Remus gives Sirius a grateful look, taking a deep breath before he pushes Sirius back enough for himself to sit up. He takes another deep breath and then - like ripping off a plaster - he yanks his shirt over his head. 

Sirius' breath catches in his throat, and for a long moment he does nothing but look. The last time he saw Remus like this, it was through Padfoot's eyes, and Remus was tired and sore and vulnerable. He's vulnerable now, but more than that, he's strong, and Sirius is blown away. "Come here," he murmurs.

Remus does as asked, shifting closer to Sirius. "Do you - " He has to pause, clear his throat before asking, "Do you like... this?" _Do you like me,_ is what he doesn't ask. 

"Remus," Sirius says, daring to reach out and lay a gentle hand in the middle of Remus' chest, the tips of his fingers barely brushing Remus' throat. "You're _gorgeous_ , love."

Remus's blush covers his face and neck, spilling over to the top of his chest as well. He's _never_ had someone call him that before. "I - You really think so?"

"Yes," Sirius says. "Moony, you're fucking beautiful. _All_ of you."

And, well, Remus doesn't have any answer for that except to lunge forward, grabbing Sirius and hauling him into a desperate kiss. 

And just like that, Sirius is burning up again; his hands are back to itching, eager to touch Remus _everywhere_ , and he pulls Remus into him, marvelling at the smooth skin of his back, the way he feels pressed up against him like this. "I love you," he mumbles into the kiss, with an urgency that wasn't there before. "I _love_ you."

"I love you, too," Remus promises, returning every eager touch with one of his own. He reaches to grab Sirius by the wrist, guiding his hand to just above the gentle swell of his breast. He's barely touched himself there, never let anyone else do so, but... He wants to try, with Sirius. He's actually _eager_ for Sirius to touch him. "Please," he says, voice shy. 

"I've got you," Sirius murmurs. One hand curves around Remus' hip, holding him; with the other, he runs cautious fingers down over Remus' breast. When Remus doesn't flinch away, he cups it, a gentle sigh escaping the both of them. It's soft, small, the perfect weight against his palm, and Sirius firms up his touch, dares to run his thumb over the nipple.

Remus tenses out of habit, but then makes himself relax; this is _Sirius_ touching him, and Remus trusts Sirius. And now that he's relaxing, the touch actually feels... good. Surprisingly so; when Sirius moves his thumb, Remus can't help the gasp that escapes, and arches his back, pushing his chest into Sirius's hand. "Do that again."

Sirius does, firmer this time, and leans in to kiss Remus' neck.

Remus makes a pleased noise, his hands falling to Sirius's hips and squeezing. "Keep going," he encourages.

Sirius goes one step further; he kisses down Remus' chest and, emboldened, takes his other nipple into his mouth.

Remus, who up until now has been enjoying everything Sirius does, hisses and pulls on Sirius's hair a bit more harshly than intended. "Not there - touching is okay, but no - no mouth."

"Oh," Sirius says, his stomach dropping. "I'm sorry, I thought it would feel good."

Remus gives Sirius a reassuring smile. "It's all right; I thought it might, too. It's not your fault, okay?"

Sirius kisses him, drops his hand from his breast - for now. "Let's lie down?"

Remus nods, wondering where Sirius is going with this. "Okay."

Sirius doesn't really have a game plan; he just wants to be closer to Remus, and he wastes no time in reeling him back in once they're lying down again. "Show me what you want," he urges between kisses.

Remus reaches for Sirius's hand, returning it to its previous position. "I liked that," he murmurs. "I like your hands on me. I'm just - a bit more picky about your mouth, I guess."

"Okay," Sirius says. He rubs his thumb over Remus' nipple again, kneads gently at his breast. "How's this?"

Remus sucks in a shuddering breath. "Yeah, that's good," he sighs. 

"Good," Sirius says, drawing Remus in for a heady kiss. "Tell me how it feels."

"Good," is all Remus can come up with at first. "Just - a little firmer, yeah?"

"Like this?" Sirius squeezes Remus' breast, rolls his nipple between thumb and forefinger.

Remus hums, nodding. "Just like that."

Sirius smiles, releases Remus with a final squeeze to slide his hand down Remus' side, gripping his hip. "Come here," he murmurs, rolling onto his back. "I want to feel you."

Remus goes without hesitation, throwing a knee over Sirius so that he ends up straddling Sirius's thighs. "Where do you want to feel me?"

Sirius sighs, smiling up at Remus as he runs his hands up his thighs. "Everywhere."

Remus can't help laughing. "That's helpful," he snickers. But he takes Sirius's wrists in a gentle grip, guiding them to a place on his hips lower than what Sirius usually touches, and far enough back that Sirius's palms are almost on his arse.

Sirius takes the invitation to slide his hands even lower, thumbs teasing at the waistband of Remus' pyjama bottoms before he finds Remus' arse and squeezes with a moan.

Sirius isn't the only one who moans; Remus's moan surprises them both, and Remus can't help the flush that spreads across his face once more. He hesitates, biting his lip, and then requests, "Do that again." 

So Sirius does, and uses his hold on Remus' arse to tip him forward for a kiss. Remus goes eagerly, pressing himself against Sirius for maximum skin contact; it helps with that itchy, too-big feeling, the one centered just behind his navel, and Remus can’t help the way he rolls his hips. He gasps into Sirius’s mouth when he feels the hard line of Sirius’s cock underneath him; Sirius lost his shirt at some point, but he’s still got his pants on, and Remus wants them off. He pulls back from the kiss just enough to prop himself on one hand, his other going to curl his fingers around Sirius’s waistband. “Can we - There’s too many clothes still on both of us. I want to see - feel - all of you.”

"Are you sure?" Sirius asks, lifting himself up on his elbows until he and Remus are face-to-face. "We don't have to--"

"I know we don't have to," Remus interrupts. "And if you don't want to, that's okay. But I want to."

"Okay," Sirius says. "Just me?"

Remus hesitates, suddenly unsure, but then he shakes his head, determined. "No; both of us."

"Okay," Sirius says again. He smiles. "Get off me, then."

Remus nearly tumbles himself off of the bed in his haste to strip out of his remaining clothes, and he waits impatiently for Sirius to finish as well before he presses in close; while he's alright with being completely starkers with Sirius, he knows if he sits back and looks for too long then he's going to start thinking too hard and most likely freak out. He hums contentedly at the feeling of Sirius's skin against his, and leans in for a kiss. "Good?"

Sirius groans, sliding his hands up Remus' thighs once again and marvelling at how soft his skin is. "Fuck, so good," he says. "Is this okay?"

Remus nods, his own hands falling to Sirius's shoulders, fingers kneading as he shifts in place. "Very good," he murmurs. "You can - you can touch me. Just, go slow."

Everything in Sirius wants to leap at the chance, but he reins himself in, makes himself ask. "Where?"

Remus bites his lip, taking Sirius's hand in his own and guiding it between his legs. "Here," he says quietly. 

Sirius' breath catches in his throat and he nods, momentarily struck dumb, as he lets Remus guide him until he's cupping that warm, secret place. "Merlin," he breathes, awed. All he can feel for now are soft curls, vaguely damp, and suddenly he can't seem to _think_. "Do you touch yourself here?"

Remus nods, hips shifting. "Sometimes," he admits, breath hitching when Sirius's fingers slip closer. "Not a lot. Never felt - right."

Sirius stills. "I don't have to," he says, for what feels like the millionth time.

If Remus weren't so endeared by Sirius's concern, he'd be annoyed. "You don't have to, but I want you to."

Sirius hesitates, but he nods. "Okay," he says. He's never touched anyone like this before, but he's not as nervous as he thought he'd be; he's excited, his heart racing in his chest as he slips one finger further than the others, testing the give of Remus' skin. "Like this?"

Remus hums, nodding. "Yeah, that's good," he murmurs, kneading at Sirius's shoulders. 

"All right," Sirius says. He steadies Remus with one hand on his hip and looks up at him through the hair falling into his face. "Okay. Tell me if I..." He trails off as he slips a finger into Remus' folds and all words fail him. Remus is _wet_.

Remus can't help the gasp he lets out; Sirius's finger has brushed against his clit, sparking sensation that zips up his spine. " _Fuck,_ " he breathes shakily. "Don't stop."

Sirius has no idea what he's doing, but he has absolutely no intention of stopping. He moves his finger again, quickly finding that part of Remus once more and circling it experimentally.

Remus moans; any other time, he'd be embarrassed about it, but he's too busy chasing the pleasure Sirius's touch had elicited to care. He rolls his hips, grinding down against Sirius's hand. "Don't be so fuckin' shy," he growls. "Just don't - _shit_ \- don't push inside, and you're good, this is - _Merlin's beard,_ this is great."

Sirius grins, moves his finger more surely against Remus' clit. "Fast or slow?" he asks.

"Fast," Remus pants. 

Sirius speeds up, but keeps his touch fairly light. "Like this?"

"Firmer," Remus demands. 

Sirius obliges, watching Remus' face with a mixture of fascination and awe. "You're beautiful," he blurts out.

Remus flushes with more than arousal. " _Padfoot,_ " he complains, though his heart clearly isn't in it, if the way his hips keep rocking is any indication. He's also breathless as he leans in to kiss Sirius desperately. " _Fuck,_ Sirius, 'm close." He'd probably last longer with practice, but right now he can feel himself getting closer.

" _Yes_ ," Sirius groans. "Yes, Remus, come for me." Without thinking, he dips his finger lower, circling Remus' hole once before returning to rub his slick into his clit.

Remus's breath hitches, hips twitching as he comes with a sob, his fingers digging into Sirius's shoulders. " _Fuck,_ " he gasps, shuddering with aftershocks. "Fucking - _Shit,_ sensitive."

"Okay," Sirius soothes him. "Hang on." He pulls his hand away carefully and then wastes no time in wrapping Remus up in his arms, kissing the top of his head. "Merlin, that was amazing."

Remus takes in a shaky breath, his own arms wrapping around Sirius's waist as he tucks his face into the crook of Sirius's neck. "Yeah," he sighs. "It was. Give me a minute and I'll return the favor."

Sirius groans, a full-body shudder rolling through him. "Don't feel like you have to," he says, but it's half-hearted at best.

Remus would roll his eyes if he had the energy to lift his head so Sirius would see him do it. "I know I don't _have_ to; I want to."

"Well then," Sirius laughs. "In your own time."

Remus takes another few moments to catch his breath, but then he lets his hands start to wander. First over Sirius's shoulders, safe, familiar territory, and then lower, dragging his palm over Sirius's chest. He hesitates then, pulling back so he can watch Sirius's reaction as he lifts his hands so that his fingertips are the only part of his hand touching Sirius as he drags them over Sirius's nipples. 

Sirius hisses and moans, his hips rolling under Remus though it gives him no relief. "Oh," he sighs. "That's new."

Remus raises an eyebrow, looking up to meet Sirius's gaze. "Really?" he asks, amused. "You've never touched yourself here?"

"I have," Sirius says. "It's just never felt like that."

Remus grins, pleased. "Well," he says slowly, repeating the motion, "that's certainly something to explore."

Sirius groans, grips Remus' hips. "Fuck!"

Remus's grin turns into a smirk. "Oh, do you like that?"

"You know I do," Sirius complains, but he's grinning.

Remus laughs, leaning in for a kiss as he lets his hands drift lower. "I don't have any experience with a cock," he reminds Sirius, his hands hovering just above Sirius's groin. 

Sirius nods. "It's okay," he says. "I'll tell you what I like."

Remus gives him a grateful look, and then with a deep breath for courage, he takes Sirius in hand. He goes with a firm grip, and after a moment to marvel at the fact that Sirius is actually letting him do this, Remus gives him an experimental stroke. 

"Oh," Sirius says, his voice breathy and surprised. "Oh, yes."

"Yeah?" Remus asks, repeating the movement and twisting his wrist to adjust his grip slightly.

" _Remus_ ," Sirius whines. "Do that again."

Remus complies, smirking a little. "What else?"

"Bit tighter," Sirius says, a little breathless. "And-- slow, for now."

Remus nods, focusing on adjusting his grip and pace. "Better?"

"Yeah," Sirius sighs. "God, yes."

Remus bites his lip, shifting so he can stay better balanced as he works Sirius's cock with one hand, his other coming up to rest on Sirius's chest. "Tell me what else," he murmurs. "I want to get you off."

"Trust me," Sirius says, as his hips start to move in time with Remus' hand. "You will. I wanted to last, but. _Fuck_."

Remus bites his lip to keep from outright panting at the sight Sirius presents. He'd always thought doing this with someone he loves would be an amazing experience, but this surpasses any scenario he'd ever dared to imagine. "You're close?" he asks, a bit redundantly given Sirius's words and the way his hips are working. Curious, he squeezes just slightly on his next upstroke, swiping his thumb over the head of Sirius's cock. 

"Oh fuck!" Sirius cries, digging his fingers into Remus' shoulder as his whole body starts to shake. "Oh, I'm-- _yes_."

" _Fuck,_ " Remus breathes, working Sirius through his orgasm. "Jesus, Pads - that's a thing of beauty."

Sirius huffs a breathy laugh as he collapses back against the pillow. "If you say so," he says. "Shit, that was amazing. You're amazing."

Remus laughs, leaning over Sirius to grab his wand to clean up the mess he'd made. "I do say so," he grins, putting his wand away when he's finished and stretching out beside Sirius. 

Sirius rolls over to snuggle up against him, flinging one arm out so he can rest his hand in the centre of Remus' chest. "How do you feel?" he asks.

"I feel great," Remus answers, smiling. "You?"

"Brilliant," Sirius says, a lazy little smile on his lips. "I love you."

Remus's smile softens, and he leans in for a kiss. "I love you, too."

* * *

They fall asleep like that, wrapped up in each other and almost boneless with contentment, and wake up the next morning to a horrified shriek. It turns out their silencing charm held all through their activities, which means that James had no warning when he decided to fling their curtains back and wake them up for breakfast; he doesn't see anything except Sirius' bare arse, but for the next few weeks he complains loudly and profusely to anyone within earshot - including Professor McGonagall.

It begins as any normal Monday does. James hasn't brought up the experience even once since supper on Saturday, seems to have finally succeeded in burying the memory, and has taken to waking them up by rapping on the bedpost rather than trying to blind them with sunlight. Sirius and Remus have chosen to express their gratitude for this concession by continuing to experiment with each other; they haven't gone much further than they did the first time, but they're learning a lot, and Remus finished off the night last night by letting Sirius come in his mouth. It was _fantastic_ , and Sirius is eager to return the favour. He tells Remus so as they make their way down to breakfast, gets a blush and a kiss for his trouble, but they know better than to play it up in public, and somehow manage to contain themselves on their way to lessons.

They have Transfiguration before lunch, so of course everyone makes a mad dash for the door as soon as McGonagall dismisses them. Sirius is starving, eager to leave, but he's been sitting at the front of the room since he and James got told off for talking in first year, so they're the last people to leave. They've just reached the door, Sirius already dreaming of the sticky toffee pudding that's waiting for him after his sausages and mash, when McGonagall's voice rings out.

"Not so fast! Mr. Lupin, Mr. Black, if you could wait behind please."

Remus exchanges a look with Sirius, but apparently Sirius doesn't know what's going on either. So they wait until the rest of the class has cleared out, and then Remus asks, "Is something wrong, Professor?"

McGonagall regards them both with an unreadable expression, but when she speaks, it's to Remus. "It has come to my attention that the two of you are... involved, romantically. Is this true?"

Remus has never outright lied to McGonagall, and he's not going to start today. "Yes, ma'am."

"Well," McGonagall says, "in that case, we have some things to discuss. It's up to you if Mr. Black stays."

Remus glances at Sirius again, then shrugs. "If he wants to, he can. I'll just tell him about this anyway; I'm assuming it has something to do with what James was, ah, complaining about a while ago?"

"You're not wrong," McGonagall concedes, and Sirius reaches for Remus' hand.

"If you're about to start telling us that it's _disgusting_ \--" he spits; he falls silent abruptly when McGonagall shoots him a look that chills him to the soul.

"I am about to say no such thing, Mr. Black," she says tartly. "But the fact of the matter is that things are decidedly more complicated for the two of you than they would be for another couple in a similar situation. Have either of you given that any thought?"

Remus gives Sirius's hand a comforting squeeze. "We have, a bit," he answers honestly. 

McGonagall doesn't look impressed, though. "Would you care to elaborate?" she asks.

Remus hesitates, then takes a deep breath. "We've talked about what we are and aren't comfortable doing - including penetrative sex. I'm not comfortable with that, and Sirius respects that, just like I respect what he isn't comfortable with."

"Well," McGonagall says, "that is certainly welcome news. But choosing to avoid certain activities does not mean that your encounters are without risk."

Remus frowns slightly, a bit lost. "Professor?"

"Pregnancy, Mr. Lupin."

Remus can feel the way his face goes hot. "Professor, I appreciate the concern, but that - is really not one of ours. For a variety of reasons."

"Oh?" McGonagall asks. "Is Mr. Black infertile? Are you?"

"I don't know about Sirius," Remus admits, "but I don't think I am. Isn't it a moot point? We won't be having penetrative sex."

"Accidents happen, Mr. Lupin, with or without penetration," McGonagall says bluntly. "And as far as I know there is no reason to assume that you are unable to conceive. In any case, it certainly wouldn't hurt to have a chat with Madam Pomfrey, discuss your options."

Remus's ears have gone as hot as his face. "Of course," he says with a nod. "I, ah, will go do that tonight."

McGonagall nods, satisfied. "See that you do," she says. "And look after each other. These are troubling times for all of us, but the two of you undoubtedly face more challenges than most."

"We will, Professor," Sirius promises. "Thank you."

Remus echoes the sentiment, then all but drags Sirius out of the classroom. "Merlin's ears, that was mortifying."

"Yeah," Sirius agrees, sounding shaken. "Did-- Had you thought about that before?"

"It may have crossed my mind," Remus admits, "but I didn't think it was an issue."

Sirius glances around them. The corridors are empty, everyone already at lunch, but still. "Should we talk about this later?" he asks.

Remus nods. "Yeah, I - I need to talk to Madam Pomfrey, first."

"Okay," Sirius says. "Do you want me to go with you?"

Remus hesitates, then nods again. "I'd just tell you everything anyway," he says, echoing his earlier statement to McGonagall. 

Sirius squeezes Remus' hand. "Whatever you need," he promises.

* * *

The talk with Madame Pomfrey is no less mortifying than the one with Professor McGonagall, and Remus and Sirius retreat to their dorm as quickly as they can. Once they're safely in their bed, Remus can't help laughing. "You know, I never imagined I'd have to receive that talk once, let alone twice - and in the same day, no less!"

"How do you feel about it?" Sirius asks, pulling Remus into his arms.

"Embarrassed as hell," Remus chuckles, going easily when Sirius pulls him. "But also kind of... pleased, that McGonagall cares enough to bring this up, make sure we're safe."

"McGonagall loves us," Sirius says with confidence. "But I meant about what she and Madam Pomfrey told us. That you can..."

Remus sighs. "I'm not so thrilled about that part," he admits. "I mean, I always knew I had the parts to, but I mostly tried to ignore it."

"Have you ever thought about it?" Sirius asks.

"Every once in a while," Remus murmurs. "But I don't want to go through - all that. Hell, I don't even like the _thought_ of your _fingers_ going up - _there,_ there's no way I want more, or for something to stay there for nine months."

"Of course," Sirius says, stroking Remus' back almost absent-mindedly. "Well, thanks to Madam Pomfrey it's not something we ever have to worry about."

Remus can't help but smile at that. "Yeah, now it's not," he agrees. "Certainly a weight off my chest."

Sirius hesitates, but then asks, "What about in general? Y'know, the sprogs thing."

Remus bites his lip, considering the question. "I'm not sure," he says slowly. "Maybe one day, in the far future, but... I don't know."

Sirius nods. "Fair enough."

"What about you?" Remus asks hesitantly. "Would you want some someday?"

Sirius sniffs, shakes his head. "Nah," he says. "Not unless you really wanted them. I see myself more as the mad uncle to an entire horde of mini-Prongses, y'know? Harder to fuck up kids that aren't my own."

Remus shakes his head, expression fond. "For the record, I think you'd be a good father. But uncle works, too."

"Well, you would be too," Sirius says. "A good father, or a good uncle. You're quite wonderful, you know."

Remus grins. "I am, aren't I?" he muses. "Good thing you're rather wonderful yourself."

Sirius smiles back, kisses Remus' forehead. "Love you."

"Love you, too," Remus sighs, leaning in for a proper kiss. 

* * *

Roughly two months later finds Remus and Sirius curled up together, naked - not an unusual occurrence in the morning anymore, but what is unusual is the location. They're on the floor of the Shrieking Shack, and rather than on a bed they're on a pile of blankets. Remus yawns, stretching, before curling up closer to Sirius. "Pomfrey'll be here soon," he murmurs, letting his hand roam over Sirius's shoulder and upper arm.

Sirius hums in sleepy acknowledgement and brushes some of Remus' hair out of his eyes. "I'll make a move soon," he says. "You okay?"

Remus smiles, nods. "Yeah, I'm good. Sore, as usual, but still good." At least this time he doesn't have any new wounds to add to his collection. 

"I'm glad," Sirius says. "Last night was a good one." 

"Yeah, it was," Remus agrees. "Don't remember much, but it seemed like a calm night."

"It was," Sirius says. He smiles. "It was perfect."

Remus smiles, relaxing into Sirius's arms and letting silence fall between them for several moments. "I hope," he says quietly, "that the way the last few moons have gone means things will be... easier than I was fearing, once we leave Hogwarts."

"I don't see why not," Sirius says. "We're still going to be with you, you know?"

"I hope so," Remus answers; he'd like to know that for sure, but he knows how life gets in the way. 

Sirius scowls. "Well, I will be," he says, pulling Remus closer. "You'd have to lock me up on the other side of the country to keep me away."

Remus smiles. "I love you, you know that?"

"I love you, too," Sirius murmurs. "So much. But." He sighs when they hear footsteps in the hall downstairs. "You have to go." Sirius' body shivers in Remus' arms, and in the next instant, he's holding Padfoot instead.

Remus sighs, giving Padfoot a scratch behind the ears before he starts pulling together his clothes. By the time Madame Pomfrey is poking her head through the door, Padfoot is well-hidden and Remus is presentable. 

* * *

Sirius turns up outside the hospital wing as soon as he gets back to the school, and is admitted by Madame Pomfrey with an indulgent smile. Remus is already asleep when he gets there, so Sirius contents himself with sitting at his bedside and doing some revising. Exams are almost over, but Sirius knows better than to grow complacent now. Remus wakes up after about an hour, looking refreshed and pleased to see him, and Madame Pomfrey lets him go after doing a final check-up. She looks almost sorry to see them leave the hospital wing together, hand-in-hand, for the last time, but Sirius can feel Remus' relief.

Unfortunately, their good mood doesn't last for long. They head straight for Gryffindor Tower, eager to see their friends, but as they near the top of the spiral staircase they hear raised, angry voices.

"I just can't believe it!" Peter shouts. "How are we going to tell them? Padfoot is going to go _mental_!"

"About what?" Sirius asks as he opens the door. "What have you done this time?"

Peter jumps about a foot in the air, and he shoots Sirius a desperate look before turning to James. "You tell them."

James fidgets, caught under Sirius and Remus's expectant faces and Peter's accusing one, but after a moment he mumbles, "Filch took the map."

Sirius' voice hasn't been this shrill since second year. " _What?_ "

James flinched. "I tripped," he confesses. "Fell out from under the cloak. Filch asked me what I was doing, didn't like my answer, demanded I turn out my pockets. Saw the map, asked what it was and triggered the insulting spell."

"Fuck," Sirius all but whimpers - and then, "Fuck! James! Does he know what it is?"

James shakes his head. "No, I convinced him it's just a prank, something we came up with for Snivellus, and he bought it. Still confiscated the map, but he doesn't know what it is."

Sirius takes a moment to collect himself. "Well," he says, his tone measured. "Thank Merlin for that, at least."

James glances up, expression borderline hopeful, and Remus sighs. "Well, I can't say that's the future I imagined for it," he says slowly, "locked away in one of Filch's cabinets, but it's not like we're going to _need_ it for the last couple of weeks of school."

"Could've given it to our kids though," Sirius grumbles. "Or one of the younguns. We spent an entire _year_ on that thing."

"I know," James says miserably. "I'm really sorry, Pads, honest."

Sirius heaves a deep sigh. "It's okay," he says at last. "Don't worry about it. At least you didn't lose the cloak."

"Peter kept a good hold of it," James says, giving Peter a grateful smile.

"At least one of us has a brain," Sirius says, but he's smiling as he flops down onto his and Remus' bed. "Well, lads. That was our last full moon at Hogwarts. How are we feeling?"

"Good," James says with a grin. "Wish I'd had a camera; you two were cute as anything."

Remus tosses a pillow at James's head. "Bugger off," he laughs. "But I feel good, too. Bit sad that we're going to be leaving soon."

Sirius grins. "It was a good night," he agrees. "Definitely sets the bar high for next month."

Remus hesitates, then asks, "What are we going to do?"

Sirius sighs. "I'm not sure yet," he admits. "I've almost finished setting up a flat for us to move into, but the building doesn't have a basement or anything, and we don't want any of the neighbours to hear anyway. So, I was thinking that we could Apparate to a forest or something, spend the night there."

Remus hums thoughtfully. "That could work," he says. "Have to be in the middle of nowhere, though."

"Of course," Sirius says. "I'm not daft."

"I'm just thinking out loud," Remus reassures him. 

"Well, we've got a little bit of time to scout," James says with a yawn. "For now, I'm knackered."

"We've missed breakfast," Sirius observes. "Shall we all have a kip before lunch?"

" _Yes,_ " James answers fervently, and Remus echoes his answer. 

"Just don't forget your silencing charm," Peter says dubiously.

* * *

The night before they're all to leave for the train, Remus, Sirius, James, and Peter are leaving the Great Hall from supper when Remus feels a hand on his shoulder; when he turns, his eyebrows lift in surprise. "Headmaster?"

"Mr. Lupin," Dumbledore says brightly, though there's something in his eyes that gives Remus pause. "I was wondering if you and your friends had time to join me in my office this evening? Miss Evans as well, of course. I trust you're all packed and ready to go."

"We are," Remus says, a bit cautiously. "And I believe we should have time to, Professor."

Dumbledore beams. "Excellent," he says. "Shall we say, in an hour? This month's password is acid pop."

Remus nods. "I'll let the others know."

Dumbledore's eyes twinkle. "Jolly good," he says fondly. "Off you go."

"What was all that about?" Sirius demands when Remus catches up to them again.

"He wants the five of us to meet him in his office in about an hour," Remus answers. "Don't know why; he didn't say."

"Maybe he found out about the Map," Peter says, eyes wide. "Or the fact that we're animagi."

"Any louder, Peter, I don't think the Minister for Magic heard you," Sirius snipes. "Did he sound angry?"

Remus shakes his head. "No, he didn't sound angry. Didn't sound any different than usual. Which doesn't help much."

"Well, we've got to go, then," James says reasonably. "See if we ought to prepare for a lifetime rooming with dementors."

"We'll be fine," Sirius says with confidence. "It's only Dumbledore. If it was McGonagall, then I'd be worried."

* * *

They probably should have been a _little_ more concerned. "I'm sorry, you want us to consider _what?_ " Remus asks, incredulous. 

"Becoming members of a secret Order that I have formed in order to oppose Lord Voldemort," Dumbledore repeats patiently. "I have named it the Order of the Phoenix."

Remus blinks, looking to the others; James and Lily are standing next to each other, James's brow furrowed as he frowns. "Why us?" he asks, stepping up next to Remus. 

Dumbledore smiles at him. "You're among the most talented students in your year," he tells them simply. "We're at war, Mr Potter. We need people like you in order to win."

Remus glances at Sirius. "What do you think?"

"I don't know," Sirius says slowly. "He's right, we are at war. As much as we want to ignore it, I don't know if we can now that we're leaving school."

Remus sighs. "What would be expected of us?"

"Well," Dumbledore says, "it would obviously be dangerous. Going up against Lord Voldemort and his so-called Death Eaters, no one's safety can be guaranteed. Ideally, some or all of you would be willing to fight, to confront the enemy head-on. But there are other, less-involved roles that need filling as well."

Remus has never been one for fighting, though he knows he can hold his own, but he's still a bit wary. "What sort of 'less-involved' are we talking about?"

"There are certain people that will be targeted by Lord Voldemort, people that need our protection," Dumbledore says. "One role might be hiding those people. Another might be following known Death Eaters or frequenting certain areas of interest, feeding intelligence back into the Order. That kind of thing. We also need people to control and organise our headquarters."

Remus nods slowly; he can see that the others are also giving what Dumbledore's saying serious consideration. "We don't need to answer right now, do we?" James asks, drawing everyone's eye to him. 

"Of course not," Dumbledore says gently. "It's simply a matter for your consideration. As long as Lord Voldemort is at large, our doors will always be open to those who wish to fight him. But, I hope it goes without saying that I cannot allow this to be spoken of in front of anyone but yourselves."

"Of course," Sirius says. "Thank you for trusting us with this, Professor."

Dumbledore smiles at him. "You have all earned that trust, Mr. Black."

"Thank you," James says, the others echoing him before making to leave the office. Remus hesitates at the door, then gestures for Sirius and the others to go on without him. "Sir," he says, turning back to Dumbledore. "May I ask you something?"

"Of course, dear boy," Dumbledore says. "What's on your mind?"

"Why did you ask me to join?" Remus asks. "I'm not as good in lessons as the others."

Dumbledore smiles. "Perhaps you're not quite top of the class, but neither is Mr. Pettigrew," he says. "You're still very talented, Remus."

"That can't be it," Remus says doubtfully. "Not all of it."

Dumbledore hesitates, but ultimately concedes. "Very well," he says. "While I do believe wholeheartedly that you are just as capable as Mr. Potter or Mr. Black, I may have something specific in mind for you."

Remus nods. "And what is that?"

"A task that I would only trust you with," Dumbledore tells him, "and one you are uniquely qualified to carry out."

Remus crosses his arms over his chest. "What kind of task?"

"Lord Voldemort is recruiting," Dumbledore says. "Wizards and witches, students such as yourself, as I'm sure you're already aware. But he's also recruiting certain magical creatures, creatures that will give him an advantage in this war that, without your help, we can only dream of matching. Giants, for instance; vampires..."

"And werewolves," Remus finishes, voice flat. "So. Before I go jumping to conclusions, what exactly would you expect from me?"

"I would expect nothing," Dumbledore says. "I would _hope_ that you could talk with some of these people, sway them to our way of thinking."

Remus wants to argue, wants to protest that there's no way _he_ is going to sway anyone, but he keeps his mouth shut about that, only nodding and saying, "Very well, sir. Anything else?"

"Whatever your decision," Dumbledore says, "I must impress upon you the importance of keeping this conversation between us. The Order must operate with the utmost secrecy; no one can know what we're doing. Not even your friends."

That gets a startled blink. "None of them?"

"Not one," Dumbledore says. "If that affects your decision, then of course I respect that, but you cannot breathe a word of this to anyone."

Remus nods slowly in understanding. "I will consider your proposal," he says, a bit too formal in his effort to hide his discomfort with the enforced secrecy. 

"Thank you," Dumbledore says. "Enjoy the rest of your evening, Mr. Lupin."

"Same to you, Professor."

* * *

Sirius has waited for Remus at the bottom of the staircase, so they walk back to the dorm together; when they get there, James, Lily, and Peter are all sitting on their beds, Lily on James's, and they've all got serious expressions on their faces. "So, that really just happened, didn't it," Remus says; it's not a question. 

"Yep," Sirius says, pulling Remus by the hand until they're both sitting on their own bed. "What do we think?"

"I think there needs to be more people fighting back," James answers, looking up from his knees. He looks fiercely determined, giving Lily's hand a squeeze. "Long as Voldemort is around, everything is at risk."

Sirius nods. "I agree," he says. "If we don't try to stop him, it's like we're inviting him to win - isn't it?"

"Or saying we don't care if he does," Remus says quietly. "And that might be worse."

"I don't know," Peter says. "You heard what Dumbledore said. It'll be dangerous."

"I'd rather be in danger because I'm fighting the threat," James says forcefully. 

"We'll be in danger as soon as we leave Hogwarts," Remus agrees. 

"But You-Know-Who wouldn't target us directly," Peter insists. "Not unless we walked right into his path, which is what Dumbledore seems to want us to do."

"He wouldn't target you," Remus counters, careful to sound casual. "You know what most werewolves are like; he's probably recruiting them."

Sirius looks grim, grabs Remus' hand again. "And I'm a Black," he adds. "My parents are some of You-Know-Who's biggest supporters; I wouldn't be surprised if they were already Death Eaters themselves. Regulus, too." He has to stop, swallow hard. "I doubt they'll try to recruit me, but they'll probably want me out of the way."

Remus laces their fingers together, takes a deep breath, and makes his decision. "I'm going to join."

"So am I," Sirius says - and Lily nods.

"Me too. You-Know-- no." She shakes her head sharply, a fire burning in her eyes that Sirius hasn't seen directed at them for a long time. " _Voldemort_ is targeting Muggles and Muggle-borns. If there's something I can do to help, I don't have a choice."

"He wants purebloods on his side," James adds, a determined set to his mouth, "but I'm going to deny him one, and probably a whole family, once Mum and Dad find out what Dumbledore's doing."

"He told us not to tell anyone!" Peter hisses.

"The Potters are worth their weight in gold," Sirius says dismissively. "We'll obviously ask Dumbledore first, but there's no way he won't let us tell them." He shoots Peter a sharp look. "Does that mean you're not joining?"

Peter falters. "I-- I'm not sure."

"Dumbledore did say we didn't all have to fight," Remus reminds him gently. 

This doesn't seem to reassure Peter any. "I know, but..."

"Mate," Sirius says bluntly, "don't be a coward, all right? This is something we need to do."

To everyone's surprise, this actually seems to get a reaction. Peter startles, but then his face settles into something hard, determined. "No," he says, "you're right. Of course I'll join."

Remus gives Peter a smile, and James claps him on the back. "Good man," he says warmly. 

"It's the right thing to do," Lily tells him. "And it'll be good if we're all in it together."

"I don't trust anyone more than I trust you lot," Sirius agrees. "If we decide to fight, I wouldn't want anyone else with me."

James and Remus nod. "Whatever we do, we'll do together," James says, and Remus tries not to feel too guilty when all he can do is nod again. 


End file.
